The Dugout: No Room For Delmon

All Twins, all the time! We just started covering the Twins again recently, and here comes the news that Ron Gardenhire has his outfield for next year and it does not include Delmon Young, the young star famous for throwing a bat at somebody and for helping assault the same woman like 200 times over the last few years of our online comic.

What does this mean for the Twins? Obviously it means "we are trying to do something to light a fire under Delmon's ass so he stops playing defense like that." It could also mean Delmon being traded, hopefully to the Nationals, because that would be really hilarious and awesome.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump. Donk.

The Dugout

	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /digs around pensively in box of Runts
	RonGarde: No, I just... I just don't think I've... /flips through papers
	RonGarde: There just isn't any room for you in my outfield next year, Delmon. But don't worry, you'll be "in the mix" for playing time!
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: in the mix, what that mean like a dam chex, like a bread twiss or a windapane pretzel
	RonGarde: Delmon, you haven't lived up to expectations. What do you want me to do?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: let me play baseball, pay me millions a dollaz
	RonGarde: You play defense like you're scared. What's wrong with you?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: well sh** coach lemme thank i got a ass full a eminems an if i run too hart imma drop em and then i aint have no eminems
	RonGarde: That uh, explains it, I guess. M&M's in your ass? What the hell?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: juss in case, knowmsayin, neva know where life take me, always need a sweet
	RonGarde: That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: yee but when i dump a sh** its like tha happiest thang on earf
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: who you got in a outfield thas betta than me
	RonGarde: Well, first of all there's Carlos Gomez...
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: lifetime 184 hitter, got 2 homeruns his entire life, look like ricky da gay from maf***in my so-call life
	RonGarde: I'm also going to start Denard Span...
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: that ain even a man thats a 24 hour news channel about the balls
	RonGarde: And Michael Cuddyer.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: who da **in butt ** is michael cuddyer
	RonGarde: Hit 3 home runs last year, kinda looks like Tackleberry from the Police Academy movies.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /thinks about it /eats Runt /tears off corner of Runt box /eats corner
	RonGarde: Been with us for seven years? We pay him 24-million dollars to hit .240
	RonGarde: likes to do magic occasionally
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: THA MAGICIAN???? /spits out papery Runt goop YOU PLAYIN AT MOTHAF*IN PIECE A DOGSH DATE RAKIST LOOKIN C***RIFLE MAGICIAN INSTEAD A ME
	RonGarde: Cuddy's a strong player, he-
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: he stab himself in the foot an be all, delmon look at my foot its stabbed an i go over there spectin ta see a f***in stump an it aint none cause its MAGIC
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: where he at
	RonGarde: I don't know, it's December, he's probably at home with his family. I don't even know why you're here.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /grabs several bats
	RonGarde: You know if you just took the shelled candies out of your ass and worked a little harder you could start for us.
	RonGarde: You're a natural talent. You've got gifts guys like Cuddyer would KILL for. It comes so easy to you that you forget how to do it sometimes.
	RonGarde: Just stop acting like an HFR and try harder.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you ever see that movie "wanted"
	RonGarde: yes, yes I've seen it
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you see that part with angelina jolly's donkadonk it had drawins an sh** on it
	RonGarde: yes that was part of the film I've seen
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: yee okay well they curve bullets when they shoot, like morgan freeman go SHOOT DIS MOTHAF***A an a white boy shoot sideways an hit a man down the street
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you think i could do that with a bat
	RonGarde: I don't know, but if you learned to do it with a ball you could probably help us out more.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: curve a ball curvin a ball is impossible ronnie
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah seriously
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: but a bat ay ronnie i'm a stand in tha hallway, see if i can drill yo santa claus ass from there
	RonGarde: okay, I guess you aren't "acting" like a HFR
	RonGarde: Delmon, what makes you this way?
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /shrug nobody in tha dugout talks about da twinz, an i been a twin all year so im starten to feel like the dead man from the six sense
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: only people i ever seem ta talk to is my brotha an that niecy nash lookin police wench
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: makes a man feel weird, makes him wanna carry peanut butta crispies in his ass, you know
	RonGarde: Sir, you're going to have to move along.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: what
	RonGarde: Sir, I don't know who you're talking to but this is a public candy store, you can't just lie in the floor like this.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: what tha hale /shakes head
	RonGarde: SIR! PLEASE GET UP OUT THE DAMN FLOOR
	LadyCop: gurrrrkkkk /collapses
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: aw hell naw what happen brah
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: lol we at the mall, son you saw they had fo diffrent kinds a fun dip at the candy sto, yo ass see they got fo different kinds a fun dip, you start spittin up suds an pass out in tha sto flo
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: then i hit this police wid a oversize decorative candy cane
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: tis tha season, bitch
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: now you wake up and i just finish stabbin this guy who runs the candy sto
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: ay brah you eva seen "wanted"
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: n***a thats tha only movie i ever seen
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you think i could throw a bat out the door a tha candy sto an curve it so i hit some folks in tha baby gap
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: too late, already hit all the people in tha baby gap
	DudeYerGettinADelmon:

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

12-07-2008 @ 1:41AM

Neal said...

DudeYerGettinADelmon: yee but when i dump a sh** its like tha happiest thang on earf

^ Ultimate win ^

12-07-2008 @ 3:38AM

knapik said...

"DudeYerGettinADelmon: that ain even a man thats a 24 hour news channel about the balls"

Great Dugout, B!

12-07-2008 @ 8:15AM

Cubfan786 said...

DudeYerGettinADelmon: THA MAGICIAN???? /spits out papery Runt goop

YOU PLAYIN AT MOTHAF***IN PIECE A DOGSH** DATE RAKIST LOOKIN C***RIFLE MAGICIAN INSTEAD A ME

Beautiful

12-07-2008 @ 11:47AM

Disco Dan Ford said...

I'd quote my favorite line from this but I think I'd wind up just transcribing the whole thing. "that ain even a man thats a 24 hour news channel about the balls" = YES.

Also, hey, that's the first time Delmon's driven one to the gap all year (*rimshot*)