The Dugout: the Person's Monocracy of Sabathia, 2008-Present

It's not easy being CC Sabathia. He's the most scrutinized object in the baseball world these days, he's apparently going to be pitching in New York next season, and Brian Bahr of Getty Images photographs him as he sleeps.

The guy needs a vacation. Or maybe even a permanent secession.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Yankees Stadium Chat!
	HanksForNothing: Mr. Sabathia, we are prepared to offer you a seven-year-contract worth up to $161 million. However, I'd like to attach a clause.
	HanksForNothing: I will hand you the money. But if you do not reach out your hand to take it from me, it will drop to the ground and you will have to pick it up.
	NeedsABathia: You drive a hard bargain. It's a deal.
	NeedsABathia: /outstretches hands
	HanksForNothing: /hands over money
	NeedsABathia: /runs, jumps into Harlem River /floats on back
	HanksForNothing: What in the Hell are you doing?
	HanksForNothing: oh wait, i guess you "needed a bathia," lol
	NeedsABathia: nope, i have just established my own micronation the current should tribute me out to international waters within a day or two
	HanksForNothing: Your own what?
	NeedsABathia: my own micronation
	NeedsABathia: a micronation is a self-proclaimed sovereign nation, regardless of whether its status is recognized by any other nation
	HanksForNothing: You can do that?
	NeedsABathia: i can, i'm pretty buoyant i'd recommend you give it a try but i don't think 275 pounds of butter and disdain is gonna float
	HanksForNothing: Screw you, you're kind of plump yourself
	NeedsABathia: yeah, as it happens i'm actually not the lightest nation of all time
	NeedsABathia: ernest hemingway's brother constructed an 8'x30' platform of wood that probably weighed less than i do and declared it the nation of "new atlantis" it was pillaged and dismantled by mexican fishermen (seriously)
	HanksForNothing: All right, my next question is, why? Why create a micronation?
	NeedsABathia: /slowly backstrokes to anchor self against flow of river
	NeedsABathia: well first off, i'm a sovereign nation and don't have to play in your s***tty boring stadium with a bunch of jerk holes
	HanksForNothing: oh son of a bitch
	NeedsABathia: moreover, my net worth is now upwards of $150 million american dollars, which places my gross worth above a half-dozen UN-recognized nations
	NeedsABathia: and of course the per capita wealth of the Person's Monocracy of Sabathia is pretty much the highest in the history of man
	HanksForNothing: What are you going to do with yourself?
	NeedsABathia: i guess i'll just float around and wait to be annexed by the british navy
	NeedsABathia: hey, would you like me to launder some money for you
	HanksForNothing: Sure! /hands over five billion dollars
	NeedsABathia: hahaha suckerrrrr /floats downstream
	OnlineHost CC Sabathia has floated out of the chat room.
	JetersNeverProsper: Hey, that seems like a good idea. Maybe I should try that!
	HanksForNothing: oh come on
	JetersNeverProsper: Seriously! I make a gross domestic product every night of the week!
	e5_rod: :)