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MLB

The Dugout Struggles With The Media's Obvious Anti-Yankees Bias

Posted Dec 21, 2008 7:00AM By B. Thompson Stroud (RSS feed)

Filed Under: Yankees, AL East, The Dugout

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I'm getting sick of this. The sports media world has their own Elite Liberal contingent and they're dead-set on running the name of the New York Yankees through the mud. Everywhere you click it's "the Yankees spend too much money" on this, and "the Yankees spent too much money" for that, and "Sabathia has enough money to float in the river and declare himself a sovereign nation."

Somebody on this site needs to make a stand. The Yankees are a baseball team like everybody else. Just because YOUR team can't do what they do doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to do it. Hey Royals fans, if you woke up tomorrow morning and the Royals had given 200 million to Mark Teixeira and 200 million to Manny Ramirez and signed five pitchers and got ready to destroy the AL Central next year, wouldn't you be the happiest people on Earth? Of course you would.

This morning's Dugout sets things straight and explains it all, after the jump.

The Dugout

Boy: ...hewwo? /wanders to window
BlueFairy: Hello there, little Allan James! I am the Blue Fairy, and I am here to make your wishes come true!
Boy: Wow, the Bwue Faiwy!
BlueFairy: Tell me, what is your greatest wish? Is it manageable hair? because-
Boy: I dunno! What should I wish fowah?
BlueFairy: Whatever you decide, remember, be a good boy. And always let enormous piles of money be your guide...
Boy: when i gwow up I wanna base my decisions on bohemian ideals of passion and loyalty, because by the time I have to make those decisions I will be wich enough alweady!
BlueFairy: what're you, nappy AND retarded?
BurnettAfterReading: ...and that's when I made "being a New York Yankee" my lifelong wish.
HanksForNothing: Quiet! We're negotiating!
BetweenHeavenAndHal: A quarter of a billion dollars, 260 years, and your own comic book series published by Dark Horse... wait, no, Valiant! No! Hank, what's the black Vertigo?
HanksForNothing: Milestone Comics

BetweenHeavenAndHal: Milestone Comics! You can have a crossover with-

gah, who was that Cuban Batman
HanksForNothing: Kobalt, Hal.
BetweenHeavenAndHal: A crossover with Kobalt!
NeedsABathia: dude I'm already on your team, you don't have to keep offering me things
BurnettAfterReading: you know, what you should do with all that money you're offering is hire some hitters
HanksForNothing: "hitters"... what do you mean?
BurnettAfterReading: well there are currently 25 pitchers on your 40-man roster, so you're stocked up there and I'm already going to be pitching on 80 days rest
BetweenHeavenAndHal: ...go on...
BurnettAfterReading: but Giambi is gone, and Abreu is gone, and Pudge is gone... so besides Damon, Jeter, and A-Rod the lineup is looking kinda... ehhhh...
BurnettAfterReading: If we don't give the billion dollar pitching staff some run support we're still going to finish in fourth
HanksForNothing: Looking "eh?" We've got Xavier Nady in the outfield! You jackass!
BetweenHeavenAndHal: A.J., what you're seeing is deceptive. Jason, Bobby, and Ivan are still on the team. We've offered them lucrative contracts to stay.
BurnettAfterReading: You... you did?
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Yes. Reports to the contrary are nothing but the media's obvious "Anti-Yankees Bias."

NeedsABathia: anti-yankees bias? What's that?
BetweenHeavenAndHal: The media has a tendency or preference toward a particular perspective that the Yankees are somehow an "evil" team of soulless business miscreants singlehandedly destroying our nation's financial ecosystem by taking a David Eckstein and paying him 100% of state taxpayer money to bunt once in every sixth game.
HanksForNothing: It's simply not true. Anything bad said about the Yankees ever is the Anti-Yankees Bias.
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Our newest team arrival is a fresh-faced powerhitter from Kanazawa named Hideki Matsui. He's a five-tool player. Set the Japanese baseball world on fire.
HanksForNothing: But precious "ESPN" and their "news" says he's been playing for years and is on his way down
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Anti-Yankees Bias.
NeedsABathia: What about the Internet? All the news on the Internet is true!
BurnettAfterReading: yeah I read on the Internet that the Yankees might sign Ben Sheets but that they might not, but they're thinking about it but maybe not we'll have to wait and see
BurnettAfterReading: somebody got paid to give me that news, you're telling me that's not true?
HanksForNothing: AOL's "Fanny" House is the worst. Footprints in the Snow. How about a Footprint in your ass!
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Did you know that bloggers say we LOST the ALDS in 2007? How ridiculous is that?
NeedsABathia: uh
BetweenHeavenAndHal: The media only gives us credit for 26 of our World Championships. You know how many we've won?
HanksForNothing: 104, including strike year.
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Including strike year. That's every year except 2001, when that sh** with the Diamondbacks happened.
BurnettAfterReading: How do you adress someone when you know they're using Anti-Yankees Bias?
HanksForNothing: first you want to tell them that they're jealous
BetweenHeavenAndHal: That's the most important thing. List off our accomplishments. Say "we've won 26 championships! How many have you won?" because any answer will be many fewer than 26
HanksForNothing: try to laugh a lot like a prick, and type in all caps if you can
HanksForNothing: Also like a prick.
NeedsABathia: I still don't think I fully understand.
HanksForNothing: Let me show you. PHIL!
WaitressPleasePhilCoke: Yes sir?
HanksForNothing: Grab your phone, order us a hundred pies, refuse to pay for them
WaitressPleasePhilCoke: Yes sir! /dials phone
NeedsABathia: mmmm pies

WaitressPleasePhilCoke: yeah hi I want to place an order for delivery

Phil. My cell number is 718, 555...
BurnettAfterReading: aw that's not a real number, he's lying to them!
HanksForNothing: Just listen...
WaitressPleasePhilCoke: Fourteen-hundred dollars? Are you kidding me? Do you know who I am?
WaitressPleasePhilCoke: thats right PRAY,PRAY THAT CC BUSTS,PRAY THAT BURNETT BUSTS ,PRAY THAT WANG BUSTS PRAY THAT JOBA BUSTS,BECAUSE IF THEY DONT,IF THEY BRING THEIR A GAME IN 2009 ,THE YANKEES WILL MAKE THAT 5 GAME SWEEP IN 2006 ,IN FENWAY,WITH MEDIOCRE PITCHING,YOU KNOW THAT 5 GAME SWEEP ,THAT RED SOX FANS PRETEND NEVER HAPPENED,THATS GOING TO LOOK LIKE A PARTY COMPARED TO WHAT YOU WILL GET NEXT,AND THE RED SOX BI**h THE NY METS WILL LOOK UPON THE 2000 WORLD SERIES AS A BRIGHT SPOT IN THEIR FRANCHIZE,BUT LETS BE HONEST THATS A LOT OF BUST TO PRAY FOR,WHICH MEANS THE CHOWDERSOUP IS COLD THE STOUT IS WARM,AND BOSTONS 15 MINUTES OF FAME ARE OVER!!!27,28,29,30 COMING SOON THEN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEY BUY ALL THE BEST PLAYERS WAAAAAAAAAAAAATHEY HAVE ALL THE MONEY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWE CANT WIN CAUSE OF THE YANKEES WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHE EVIL EMPIRE ,HOPE TOM BRADY HEALS QUICKLY HES A YANKEE FAN
WaitressPleasePhilCoke: world series (26) 1923, 1927, 1928, 1932, 1936, 1937, 1938, 1939, 1941, 1943, 1947, 1949, 1950, 1951, 1952, 1953, 1956, 1958, 1961, 1962, 1977, 1978, 1996 ,1998, 199 ,2000, AL PENNANTS (39) 1921, 1922, 1923, 1926, 1927, 1928, 1932, 1936, 1937, 1938, 1939, 1941, 1942, 1943, 1947, 1949, 1950, 1951, 1952, 1953, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1958, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1981, 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 ,2003 EAST DIVISION TITLES (15) 1976, 1977, 1978, 1980, 1981, 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 ,2004 ,2005, 2006 ,27 ,28 ,29 ,30 COMING SOON!!!! LAUGH AT THAT BIAAAAAAA**********h!!!
NeedsABathia: holy sh**
BetweenHeavenAndHal: He'll keep repeating that last part over and over until he gets hung up on. Then he'll consider it a "victory" and call somewhere else to do the same thing.
BurnettAfterReading: Oh god I don't think I could do that
NeedsABathia: haha yeah a fat man only know so many numbers
BetweenHeavenAndHal: You'll get it eventually. Like Alex Rodriguez, it'll come to you in time.
NeedsABathia: hey is he really... you know, with Madonna? Because she is... she is pretty gross, dog
BetweenHeavenAndHal: No, of course not. Anti-Yankees Bias. Alex cheated on his wife with Rosario Dawson.
HanksForNothing: But they keep smearing him anyway! The bastards!
BurnettAfterReading: What'll we do until we're ready?
BetweenHeavenAndHal: Just wake up every morning, put on your pinstripes, and practice hard for next season. We're the best in baseball for a reason, and we've brought you here to make us better.
HanksForNothing: You deserve the money you're getting, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
BetweenHeavenAndHal: We'll kick peoples asses like we always do and win, like we always do. F*** the haters.
HanksForNothing: Right in their Green Monster asses.
BurnettAfterReading: Aw, thanks, boss. That's nice to hear.
BetweenHeavenAndHal: No problem. Now if you two want to get undressed and start kissing, Hank's going to be setting up the video camera.
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Tags: aj+burnett, AjBurnett, betweenheavenandhal, burnettafterreading, cc+sabathia, CcSabathia, hal+steinbrenner, HalSteinbrenner, hank+steinbrenner, hanksfornothing, HankSteinbrenner, needsabathia, phil+coke, PhilCoke, waitresspleasephilcoke

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