WordUpThome: FANCY SEEING YOU IN OUR CHATTED ROOM MR. GARNET

WordUpThome: GARNETT

DogGarnett: Eh, I was bored. I'm just sitting around in Los Angeles killing time.

DogGarnett: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a Norman Rockwell painting?

WordUpThome: WHY NO BUT THANK YOU

WordUpThome: YOU LOOK AS THOUGH YOU WERE PAINTED BY SALVADOR DALI IN A GOOD MOOD

DogGarnett: Thanks, I guess.

WordUpThome: WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN INTERNET ARE YOU DOING IN LOST ANGELES

DogGarnett: We've got a game tomorrow

WordUpThome: ON CHRISTMAS DAY

WHAT KIND OF LIFE

DogGarnett: It's just how our league works.

DogGarnett: We play on Christmas so that millions of squares around the country can see us on television, spend a few minutes delivering commentary to their family on how the NBA is full of lazy thugs, and change the channel.

WordUpThome: WELL GOODNESS I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A THUG

WHY WOULD SOMEONE CALL YOU A THUG

DogGarnett: I'm black? I shout when I'm excited? I don't know, I got nothing.

DogGarnett: Whenever I play on Christmas, I can almost hear the millions of voices across America. "But that Steve Nash, you know, he really hustles."

WordUpThome: :(

DogGarnett: And that, I guess, is my Christmas present to the culture that pays me so well.

The folks who otherwise never watch me get to observe me for a few hours and cast their misguided impressions upon me.

WordUpThome: YOU'VE GOT ME DOWN INSIDE OF THE DUMPS HERE, TALL MAN

WordUpThome: I LOVE BASED BALL BUT IF OLD JIM HAD TO PLAY IT ON CHRISTMASED DAY HE'D BE HOPPING MAD

DogGarnett: Well, you know, that's the thing about Christmas.

DogGarnett: When you're a kid, you don't care about seeing family, or the food, or anything else. It's the presents. It's the Lego Monorail set you want so badly.

DogGarnett: And one year it changes, and it's not even a gradual change. It's instant. One year you stop, and think, and realize that Christmas isn't what it used to be.

DogGarnett: And you're not even sad about it. It just is what it is, and you've shut the door on who you were.

DogGarnett: And that's it. You're an adult. The bad times are less bad, the good times are less good. Everything, slowly, reverts to the mean.

DogGarnett: That's why you see me yelling and screaming out there. For a second, I get to blow back the tide. For a second, life deviates from the mean, and I'm a kid, and my big brother is showing me how the Hell the train fits on the monorail.

WordUpThome:

HMM

WordUpThome: WELL

DON'T LEAVE A FAT MAN HANGING

DogGarnett: Oh.

You slide the train on the rail before you finish putting the rail together. It's spelled out in the instructions pretty concisely.

WordUpThome: YOU ARE THE SMARTEST MAN I HAVE EVER MET

WordUpThome: HOW DO I NOT FEEL LIKE A GUILTY GARY WHEN I WATCH YOU ON THE TELEVISION TOMORROW

DogGarnett: Why would you?

WordUpThome: WELL JIM LOVES TO GET THE ROASTED BEEF SANDWICH AT THE ARBY'S, BUT I NEVER GO TO THE ARBY'S ON CHRISTMAS

WordUpThome: THOSE FOLKS DON'T NEED TO BE MAKING MY RUBBER SANDWICHES ON CHRISTMASED DAY, THEY SHOULD BE AT HOME FROLICKING WITH THEIR KIN

WordUpThome: SO HOW CAN I PUT YOU TO WORK MAKING MY RUBBER SANDWICH ON THE TELEVISION

DogGarnett: My Christmas present to you is to play a game for you. Your Christmas present to me is to watch me tomorrow and give my league a chance.

WordUpThome: IT'S A DEAL

WordUpThome: HEY WHO ARE YOU IF YOU TRADE AWAY BENOIT BENJAMIN

DogGarnett: I don't know, who?

WordUpThome: YOU ARE BEN WALLACE

DogGarnett: lol

WordUpThome: I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO TELL THAT JOKE FOR THE BETTER PART OF A DECADE