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**OnlineHost** Welcome to MLB Network Chat!
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IttyBittyPetittiCommittee: Guys, I'm overjoyed to have you all on board. This is our first ever broadcast, so let's make it great!
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IttyBittyPetittiCommittee: and...WE'RE LIVE!
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**OnlineHost** A Bon Jovi, Three Doors Down, or Mellencamp song plays over a montage of baseball players sliding or diving into things.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Welcome to the live debut of the MLB Network! I'm Barry Larkin. Joining me in the studio are Jon Heyman and Harold Reynolds.
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TheAncientMariner: harol reynol!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Let's kick things off with some good old-fashioned analysis. First up: which teams are on their way up, and which are going back to the drawing board in 2009?
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: It's hard to observe the Yankees' offseason acquisitions and not call them the favorite in the American League this year. They've added CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, and A.J. Burnett to a roster that, in all honesty, was already primed for a playoff run.
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HeymanNiceShot: No chance the Yankees will win. None.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Why's that, Jon?
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HeymanNiceShot: It's proven that money can't buy championships.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Fair enough, but it certainly helps, right? I mean, here you have
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HeymanNiceShot: /closes eyes, shakes head, slowly waves around palms dismissively
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HeymanNiceShot: Sure. They've got superstars. They've got guys who put up the numbers.
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HeymanNiceShot: But it's all about wanting to win. It's about hustle and grit. You have to want to win.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Do you really think the Yankees don't want to win?
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HeymanNiceShot: It's all about CHEMISTRY.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Chemistry is certainly important. But I think we should be careful about investing too much into things that aren't tangible.
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HeymanNiceShot: Team chemistry is tangible! It's such a tangible! I've held it in my hand!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: You have?
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HeymanNiceShot: yeah but then my mom was doing laundry and she opened my bedroom door and
wow that was embarrassing
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HeymanNiceShot: /bites knuckles
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TheAncientMariner: harol reynol!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Moving on then. Who are your picks for MVP?
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HeymanNiceShot: In the National League, Pujols is the favorite.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Oh yeah.
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HeymanNiceShot: However,
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: oh no
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HeymanNiceShot: A true Most Valuable Player needs to carry his team to the playoffs.
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: Have to disagree with you there. You can't allow a guy's teammates' performance to serve as any indicator of his value.
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HeymanNiceShot: durp durp durp i'm barry larkin
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HeymanNiceShot: i use multiple syllables! look at me!
metamorphosis! metamorphosis! metamorphosis! metamorphosis! metamorphosis!
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HeymanNiceShot: i look like the o.j. cover photo that time magazine decided against! durrrr
/flails arms around
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: ...
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TheAncientMariner: harol reynol
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: But seriously. Let's say you have two hundred-dollar bills. You put one of them in an empty pack of cigarettes. You put the other one in a solid-gold Egyptian sarcophagus. Which hundred-dollar bill is more valuable?
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HeymanNiceShot: David Wright!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys: godddddd
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys:All right, all right. Next question.
/looks at cue card
Who
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys:oh no
Who
/looks up at producer
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IttyBittyPetittiCommittee: /enthusiastic thumbs-up
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys:Who do you think will post the highest VORP this year?
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HeymanNiceShot: Ha! VORP! Ha! Let me tell you something about VORP! Isn't that something that Star Wars shoot out of their light savers?
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HeymanNiceShot: I vote for Captain James T. Startrek!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys:Well, I mean if you look at the numbers--
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HeymanNiceShot: Hey, why was six afraid of seven?
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HeymanNiceShot: Because numbers are terrifying!
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YourMotherSmeltOfLarkinBarrys:guh
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IttyBittyPetittiCommittee: and...cut to break!
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IttyBittyPetittiCommittee: You guys are knocking it out of the park! Episode Number One is turning out great!
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HeymanNiceShot: /head explodes
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HeymanNiceShot: /new head pokes self out of neck hole
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HeymanNiceShot: Jason Bartlett is the greatest player who has ever lived!
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TheAncientMariner: HAROLreynol
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Don't believe me? Read the headline, chumps!
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
ahahahahah!!! I want more!
Wow! I didn't think I wanted to punch Jon Heyman in the face any more than I do now . . . y'all are amazing.
And now . . . time to get plastered. Happy New Year, all!
Hey, big fan here. I was wondering, is Progressive Boink dead? There haven't been any new features for months, and even before that the posts were few and far between.
Plesac is a good commentator. He did commentary for Cubs pre and post games on Comcast Sportsnet
If I am looking forward to nothing else in the coming year, I am looking forward to Dan Plesac's perpetual farmer's tan on a national scale.
"*OnlineHost** A Bon Jovi, Three Doors Down, or Mellencamp song plays over a montage of baseball players sliding or diving into things."
Are we sure that it wasn't Creed, Nickelback, Hinder, Saliva, Shinedown, Trustfoot, Madslip, Angerfarm, Crowdfall, Resolve, Soilthrow, Sweatpunch or another similarly interchangeable (and possibly not real) musical outfit?
Should've gone with one that included obvious misspellings . . . y'know, something like "Dooshweezul".
HeymanNiceShot...dear lord that is brilliant! Specially since I'm listening to that song!!! Btw, Mitch Williams makes a fantastic salsa.