**OnlineHost** Welcome to Atlanta Braves Chat!

BenjaminFrankwren: Happy New Year, guys! How have your offseasons been so far?

FrancoeuAmerican: it was pretty great

FrancoeuAmerican: whoops sorry, my font was set on "strikeout"

I'llSeeYunel: lol

I've spent most of my offseason in the "rumor mill" or on the "hot stove" or the "food preparation apparatus of possible baseball transactions" or whatever

BenjaminFrankwren: Speaking of! In case you haven't heard yet, we've acquired Javier Vazquez.

I'llSeeYunel: Javier Vazquez? From Chicago?

BenjaminFrankwren: Yep!

I'llSeeYunel: He's a good pitcher, but we've heard bad things about him.

FrancoeuAmerican: yeah, i heard that he advocates the shoving of small children into puddles of mud

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that one time he farted in a crowded elevator and blamed it on a deaf nun in a wheelchair

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that whenever he watches "jeopardy" with you, he says the answer to the $200 question out loud, as if you seriously didn't know who invented the cotton gin

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that when he brushes his teeth, he applies toothpaste to the toothbrush and then pours water on the bristles

FrancoeuAmerican: well i heard that he doesn't even apply water to the toothbrush to begin with

I'llSeeYunel: well actually i heard that he just squeezes a palmful of toothpaste into his hand, smacks it against his open mouth, and stares slack-jawed into the bathroom mirror while foamy spittle dribbles down his chin

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that one time his eclectic friends came into town to visit and he took them to applebee's

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that he routinely confuses pol pot with chiang kai-shek

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that concerning albums, he knows the difference between "LP" and "EP" but has to think about it for a second

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that when he says "touche," he actually means "kudos," and usually vice versa

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that one time, a co-worker offered him free tom waits tickets and he was like, "who's tom waits"

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that he doesn't know how to shop for avocados

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that his desktop background is an image of calvin urinating on "osama ben laden" [sic] and that he refuses to change it

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that his white elephant christmas present was a really specific gag gift that only like one person would "get," and that person didn't even end up coming to the party

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that one time he was desperate to make conversation during a date, and he made up a story that was a bald-faced lie and somehow still boring

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that he thinks "beatles for sale" is better than "sgt. pepper"

FrancoeuAmerican: i heard that he buys ironic t-shirts for reasons that are either too ironic or not ironic enough

I'llSeeYunel: i heard that he is indifferent toward drywall

BenjaminFrankwren: Guys!

Shut up!

I'llSeeYunel: ...

FrancoeuAmerican: ...

BenjaminFrankwren: Have you ever actually met the man?

FrancoeuAmerican: well no

BenjaminFrankwren: He's well-known, sure. He's a controversial figure.

BenjaminFrankwren: And the anecdote about the nun and the fart in the elevator is completely true.

BenjaminFrankwren: But if we're going to judge him, let's judge him by what he does here. Not by our preconceptions.

BenjaminFrankwren: The guy isn't a table saw. You can forget everything you know about him and you won't lose a finger.

BenjaminFrankwren: Wipe the slate clean. If you don't like him, you don't like him. Fair enough?

I'llSeeYunel: Fair enough.

BenjaminFrankwren: Good. I'll bring him in.

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Atlanta Braves Chat!

JavierVazquezAndEatItToo: Hello.

I'llSeeYunel: Hello.

So, you come from Chicago, huh?

JavierVazquezAndEatItToo: Yep! Perhaps you have read about my ongoing feud with Ozzie Guillen. He's a real *!

I'llSeeYunel: A real what?

JavierVazquezAndEatItToo:

A real *!

FrancoeuAmerican: is--

is that a one-letter cuss word

JavierVazquezAndEatItToo: Indeed it is!

I'llSeeYunel: This guy is great!

FrancoeuAmerican: are you from the future