The Dugout: Life Goes On

I am not going to list Rickey Henderson's accomplishments here, because if you are the kind of person who reads a baseball blog, you are also the kind of person who realizes that Corky Simpson is a bad word on the Internet for leaving Henderson off of his Hall of Fame ballot. What else would you expect from a guy named Corky?

According to Home Run Derby, Henderson has been voted a first ballot Hall of Famer on 98 percent of ballots. That puts him in the illustrious company of "everyone else in the Hall of Fame" as a less-than-unanimous selection, because one d-bag from the newspaper thought Ty Cobb wasn't good at baseball and we've spent the last 75 years celebrating that instead of voting based on actual reasons.

The Dugout

	CorkysRevenge: /opens WordPad document
	CorkysRevenge: "The sterner the discipline, the greater the devotion." -- Pete Carill Sports is a discipline, much like Christianity. Here is my list of the important people at The Last Supper:
	CorkysRevenge: Peter, Andrew, James, John, Mathew, Philip, Thomas, Bartholomew, James, Judas, Jude, and Simon. That is all.
	CorkysRevenge: /submits column to the blogosphere
	CorkysRevenge: Now! What to do with the rest of my day?
	Online Host Corky remembers that his Baseball Hall of Fame ballot is due today (it is not)!
	CorkysRevenge: Oh criminy, my ballot! It's due today!
	Online Host (It is not)
	CorkysRevenge: /pulls folded Hall of Fame ballot from billfold /adjusts glasses /makes that face people make at the beginning of life insurance commercials
	CorkysRevenge: This is no good, I don't know who these people are. Andry Dawson?? HONEY, WHO IS ANDRY DAWSON?? /waits, doesn't hear anything
	CorkysRevenge: /shakes head no, this is no good. Gonna have to go to the ol' "Wickerpedia" to find out more!
	Online Host CorkysRevenge has opened his laundry hamper and is looking inside.
	CorkysRevenge: Hm, no information here. Welp, guess I've got to get back onto the blogo-sphere...
	CorkysRevenge: /gathers a series of tubes, bundles them together tightly /hangs bundled tubes out of window /sits by computer
	Online Host Nothing happens.
	CorkysRevenge: Hu'lo? Anyone there? /hits F-keys
	Online Host Nothing happens.
	CorkysRevenge: HONEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY PRODIGY FREE TRIAL DISKS, I NEED TO UPGRADE TO A FASTER INTERNET
	CorkysRevenge: HON... oh, wait, here we go /turns up speakers
	Online Host A flickering, monochromatic image of Dan Plesac has appeared on Corky's screen.
	CorkysRevenge: Hello? Hello young man!
	PlesAcademy: what what's going on, i walked by a typewriter in the back of the office max and was pulled into the blogosphere
	CorkysRevenge: Sorry to interrupt your studies, friend, my name is Cork, I'm a retiree from the Tuscon Citizen and I need some help with my baseball Hall of Fame ballot...
	CorkysRevenge: ...see, it's due today,
	Online Host It is not due today
	CorkysRevenge: and I want to make an "educated guess" about who should pay admission and who should go in for free! Heh!
	PlesAcademy: what
	CorkysRevenge: /puts glasses on tip of nose, makes a stink face, holds paper at arms length David Cone, how about him?
	PlesAcademy: well he pitched a perfect game, and won the cy young that year we went on strike
	CorkysRevenge: That means he's good at strikes!
	PlesAcademy: and if you think "most broken hips" is a first ballot accomplishment david cone might as well be bobby f***in clemente
	CorkysRevenge: I do! /types "David Cone" into WordPad, hits "save" /spends several minutes trying to figure out what's happened to his screen
	CorkysRevenge: Jesse... Rorosco? Orocso?
	PlesAcademy: never heard of him oh hey vote for "dan plesac," he was awesome
	CorkysRevenge: Sleestack? Don't see him on here!
	PlesAcademy: how are you mishearing me, i'm not talking i'm typing the word, you have to look at how it is spelled
	PlesAcademy: look at the bottom, he should be somewhere between cory snyder and stan javier
	CorkysRevenge: sorry I'm looking at a Hall of Fame ballot, not a 1987 Topps checklist
	PlesAcademy: lol that was pretty icy burn for a guy who doesn't know who rickey henderson is
	CorkysRevenge: Rickey Henderson... Rickey Henderson is on this list?
	PlesAcademy: wait, you are aware of rickey henderson
	CorkysRevenge: Sure do! He's an MLB Journey Man! He's played for so many teams, what a fun story!
	CorkysRevenge: Say, I would wager that he'd be the first Hall of Famer to have a bronze bust with nine caps stacked on his head! Imagine that!
	PlesAcademy: that is fairly humorous imagery
	CorkysRevenge: Perhaps he could wear a hat like my granddaughter's boyfriend wears, with all of the logos all over the hat! That'd be a riot!
	PlesAcademy: yeah i'd consider throwing a trashcan through a window with that in it
	CorkysRevenge: They could install a walk-in closet in the Hall to house all of Rickey's uniforms! Because you'd need a LOT of room! Riddle me this!
	PlesAcademy: could you please conclude this gag somebody wants to buy this typewriter
	CorkysRevenge: I guess I shouldn't put a novelty act on the ballot. Was he any good at baseball?
	PlesAcademy: was rickey henderson good at baseball seriously
	PlesAcademy: no he sucked at baseball, if you put him on the ballot his first time you will be insulting the memories of al kaline or whoever didn't get a unanimous vote
	PlesAcademy: leaving him off will earn you "kudos" points you can redeem on your blog for points, that's how the internet works
	CorkysRevenge: Well then! /scratches out Rickey Henderson HONEY, I'M EARNING KUDOS HONEY
	PlesAcademy: don't tell them you did it on purpose, make them think you're a coot who did it on accident
	PlesAcademy: and when you're asked about it get all absent-minded to get people on your side and then end them with fierce snobbery
	PlesAcademy: "jimmie foxx didn't get a unaminous vote! although you on the BLOG wouldn't understand that!!"
	CorkysRevenge: Great! Thanks for your help, son, it's been nice talking to you but I've got to skeedaddle, my computer is running out of RAM!
	PlesAcademy: that's how computers work
	CorkysRevenge: /signs off
	CorkysRevenge: /votes for Mo Vaughn, Pete Rose, and Jay Bell /writes NOT RICKEY HENDERSON at top of ballot
	CorkysRevenge: /farts into envelope /mailes empty fart envelope to Baseball Writers Association