Wahoo Messenger Is The New Dugout

Next Big Thing is MLB FanHouse's look at emerging teams, trends and stars in 2009.

No one has lit up the baseball offseason quite like the Cleveland Indians, am I right, folks? From the signing of a Cubs infielder to the signing of a Cubs relief pitcher, all signs point to another AL Central division title and World Series Trophy for the increasingly bored-of-victory Northern Ohio sportsosphere.

Today's Wahoo Messenger is after the jump!

The Dugout

	PostcardsFromTheWedge: So, what does everyone think?
	DatzEntertainment: I think a tell-all book about your experiences with the Indians is a great idea, skip.
	PrincipledSkinner: And it's a great way to get back at the organization that betrayed you by keeping you employed as coach for so long.
	SoloffShotgun: What can Joe Torre accomplish that you can't? I can't think of a single thing!
	TeleVangelos: idea is very niiiiiice!!!!
	PhillieFauxnatic: /distributes high-fives
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Then everyone in my inner circle agrees! And we're gonna call it /holds up palms "FIELD OF HELL: The Story of Eric Wedge and the Fall of Major League Baseball"
	DatzEntertainment: Just rolls off the tongue, skip!
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Now, all we need is some two-faced dirt on the players and we're good to go.
	DatzEntertainment: hmmmm /rubs area of face where chin should be
	PrincipledSkinner: "Grady Sizemore is an accomplished athlete who contributes positively to his team!"
	SoloffShotgun: "Ryan Garko is well-respected in the community!"
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: You stupid buffalo jockeys! "Well-respected in the community" doesn't sell books! I need some dirt!
	PhillieFauxnatic: /points to infield
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: No, I mean I need trash! I need player trash!
	PhillieFauxnatic: /points to Andy Marte
	DatzEntertainment: Things really aren't that dramatic in Cleveland, skip, we only had one steroid guy and we sent him to the Red Sox recycle bin
	PrincipledSkinner: the worst thing we had to live through was when LeBron wore the wrong hat
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Then make something up! Slider, transcribe!
	PhillieFauxnatic: /makes your stenography fun
	DatzEntertainment: "Shin-Soo Choo isn't from South Korea, he's from NORTH Korea, and he hates our freedoms."
	DatzEntertainment: "Scott Elarton developed a dangerous obsession with the Cleveland Browns, emulated them by only winning 3 games all year"
	PrincipledSkinner: "Brian Slocum can't satisfy his girlfriend because it takes him so long to finish!"
	SoloffShotgun: "Jhonny Peralta plays such awful defense because he was born with ectrodactyly aka lobster boy hands."
	SoloffShotgun: "You can't tell when he bats because he draws finger lines on the back of his hands with a magic marker."
	TeleVangelos: Cliff Lee is JEW!
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: This is great, keep 'em coming, boys.
	SoloffShotgun: "Bob Feller stabbed Aaron Laffey with a pair of scissors for using the N-word in front of his wife."
	SoloffShotgun: "And it wasn't the N-word you're thinking of."
	PrincipledSkinner: "Grady Sizemore dives for balls he could easily catch."
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: We need more than that.
	PrincipledSkinner: Because.... Because he wants to be like Derek Jeter? No, he has a Robert Deniro Is "The Fan"-like obsession with him!
	DatzEntertainment: No, it must be worse! Grady is jealous that Derek Jeter's race is more mixed than his!
	PrincipledSkinner: Grady edited his own wikipedia page to say he was "some kind of latin"
	SoloffShotgun: "The sticks John Adams uses to bang his drum are made from the bones of his first wife, who he murdered."
	TeleVangelos: /gives double thumbs-up, and additional gestures from "borat the motion picture"
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: All right, Slider, what do we have so far?
	PhillieFauxnatic: /pulls paper out of typewriter /excitedly hands paper to Wedge
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: What's this? All you did was type "SLIDOR LOVE INDIAN" and... /looks at crumbled edges of paper Were you high-fiving the paper?
	PhillieFauxnatic: /nods head, thrusts crotch
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: grrr /crumples up paper /throws paper into waste bin /misses by several feet
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: "How To Win A Championship" by Eric Wedge.
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Anybody here know how to win a championship?
	SoloffShotgun: no
	PrincipledSkinner: no
	DatzEntertainment: no
	TeleVangelos: no
	PhillieFauxnatic: /lies down, begins covering self with dirt

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

1-28-2009 @ 3:52PM

HorizonOrthopedic said...

Thanks for the extra traffic!!! We'll fix lots of bones now!

1-28-2009 @ 8:09PM

Neal said...

DatzEntertainment: hmmmm /rubs area of face where chin should be

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

1-29-2009 @ 7:20PM

andrew.jonathan said...

I love that Dr. Zenos had an article published on:

“The Effect of the Menstrual Cycle on the Laxity of the Anterior Cruciate Ligament in Adolescent Female Athletes.”

Fascinating reading.