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**Online Host**
Welcome to the 2002 San Francisco Giants Chatroom! |
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KarmaAndGreg: /steadies syringe
Hold still or you're going to be sh**ting out of a hole in your leg...
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GoldBonds: ah, oo, why you gotta stab me so many times i hit 73 home runs lass year what do you want from me |
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KarmaAndGreg: Sorry, trying to inject your ass at this point is like trying to hammer a nail into a concrete wall. You ever tried to kill a rhino with a javelin? |
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KarmaAndGreg: also, I'm interested to see if too much of this stuff makes you go crazy and try to paralyze the Batman |
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GoldBonds: what exactly are you stickin barry bonds with, anyway |
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KarmaAndGreg: You don't want to know. |
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GoldBonds: aw come on, yes barry bonds do |
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KarmaAndGreg: Trust me, it's better if you don't know. |
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GoldBonds: is it.... a flu vaccine |
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KarmaAndGreg: Nope. |
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GoldBonds: extra blood |
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KarmaAndGreg: Uh-uh. |
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GoldBonds: purplesaurus rex cool-aid |
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KarmaAndGreg: Enough with the questions, Barry, I'm injecting you with oxygenated hydrogen, your father used to use it all the time. |
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KarmaAndGreg: the only difference being that his was to quench thirst and wasn't laced with bull shark testosterone. |
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GoldBonds: one last question |
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KarmaAndGreg: Argh, what |
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GoldBonds: what is she doing here /points |
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KathyHoskins: uh, hello! /waves nervously |
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KarmaAndGreg: Oh my God lady what the hell are you doing in my office, and why the hell haven't you said anything for the last 20 minutes |
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KathyHoskins: oh, heh, don't mind me! I was jus' lookin' for a husband! Rawr! Heh, just kidding! |
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KathyHoskins: no, uh, Mr. Bonds asked me to pick him up some Halloween candy? In the middle of the Spring? So I wanted to check with him and see which- |
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GoldBonds: candy corn |
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KathyHoskins: C-candied corn, yes sir! |
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GoldBonds: and if it isnt presented to barry bonds in a decrative plastic ghosts head i will bust you up |
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KathyHoskins: /desperately tries to escape the chatroom |
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KarmaAndGreg: Before you go, what exactly did you see? |
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KathyHoskins: Oh, uh, well, let's see... uh, I walked in and started to speak, but then I saw Mr. Bonds bent over the table with his pants around his ankles, and you were injecting him with a series of colored liquids that looked like the DNA Mutagens they used to make Blanka in the Street Fighter movie. |
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KarmaAndGreg: And why didn't you speak up? |
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KathyHoskins: because of every aspect of what I just typed |
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KarmaAndGreg: What is that in your hand? |
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KathyHoskins: This? Oh, this... uh, a notepad! With all of my notes about what I just saw. |
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KarmaAndGreg: And in your pocket there? |
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KathyHoskins: a tape recorder, with the "record" button pressed down |
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KarmaAndGreg: And in your hat? |
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KathyHoskins: a video recording device sending what it sees back to a van we've had parked outside of the last week |
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KarmaAndGreg: ... is that all? |
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KathyHoskins: No sir, while Mr. Bonds was trying to guess what you were putting into his ass I was wandering around collecting bloody cotton swabs, which I've collected in a mason jar. |
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KarmaAndGreg: Hm. Well, all right then. You can go. |
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KarmaAndGreg: You aren't going to tell anybody about this, right? |
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KathyHoskins: No sir, of course not. |
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KathyHoskins: unless you do something horrible, like stealing, to someone in my family, like my brother, and for whatever reason the U.S. Government desperately wants to believe this incident is true, whether it is or not |
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KarmaAndGreg: That sounds fine. See you later. |
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KarmaAndGreg: Oh, and while you're out, could you pick me up a box of cotton swabs? They sell the kind I like at GNC. |
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KathyHoskins: at GNC? Okay, how much do they cost? |
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KarmaAndGreg: 90 dollars |
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**Online Host**
KathyHoskins has left the chatroom. |
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GoldBonds: do you think she saw what barry bonds was doing |
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KarmaAndGreg: Yes, it seems so. |
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GoldBonds: could you bring her back in here so she could explain it to me, because i have no idea what barry bonds is doing right now |
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KarmaAndGreg: Just shut up and stay bent over. /reaches into cardboard box labeled "STEROIDS" |
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**Online Host**
Present day... |
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GoldBonds: /downs half a bag of candy corn in one gulp; reads report outloud to self |
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GoldBonds: "Kathy Hoskins will further testify that she observed interactions between the defendant and Greg Anderson, including Anderson giving the defendant an injection. Added Hoskins, 'Chocolate chocolate chocolate! Sticks tongue out of side of mouth.'" |
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GoldBonds: what is this racist bowlsh** it aint like barry bonds is the only person to do steroids |
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**Online Host**
In the 2002 Cleveland Indians Chatroom... |
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WordUpThome: /crushes up entire pack of Zantac with mortar and pestle
/sprinkles powder onto hotdog
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Dog: bark bark bark bark |
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WordUpThome: BE QUIET MARMERDUKE I'M TRYING TO ABUSE STEROIDS |
Surprisingly enough, tonight's Dugout is not a parody of Watchmen! It's about how a lady is going to testify that she watched trainer Greg Anderson inject Barry Bonds with steroids, thereby proving that he purjured himself in a court of law and must be sentenced to imprisonment. Commissioner Bud Selig has gone as far to say that he'll suspend Bonds for a few games during the 2009 season! This story keeps getting crazier and crazier, folks!
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
2-16-2009 @ 12:58AM
Ted Striker said...
ACKK!!!
/Cathy'd
Reply