**OnlineHost** Welcome to Texas Rangers Chat!

BoomBoomWashington: How you feeling this Spring, Kev?

WoodMill: not bad, i've been working on staring at a baseball and attempting to determine what it is and for what function it is used

BoomBoomWashington: Let me see if I can help you out. See, look at this glove... and look at the ball. The ball goes into the glove.

WoodMill: whoa

WHOA

let me try

WoodMill: /timidly holds glove in one hand, ball in the other

all right

WoodMill: /places ball in hat, places hat on head

touch-down?

BoomBoomWashington: No. No! Look, Padilla's on the mound now. Watch what he does.

VicenteAmigo: /kneels

/slowly and cautiously rolls ball against mound

BoomBoomWashington: f*** me, is he trying to detect land mines with a baseball

BoomBoomWashington: All right, listen, you're our #1 starter.

WoodMill: is that the one where bruce willis is on the airplane, or the one where he has to solve logic puzzles with samuel l. jackson

BoomBoomWashington: Wait, what?

WoodMill: is that the one where

BoomBoomWashington: Shut up. Nevermind and shut up.

BoomBoomWashington: Harrison? Where's Matt Harrison?

MattHarrison: /conducts photosynthesis

BoomBoomWashington: Way to hustle there, Matt!

BoomBoomWashington: All right, let's see...

/looks down at clipboard

/on clipboard is a half-completed Mad Lib

BoomBoomWashington: McCarthy! Where's our #4 starter?

CormacMcCarthy: Here I am.

BoomBoomWashington: Great. Listen, our rotation is a little thin this year, and

CormacMcCarthy:

I know.

Papa?
Yes?
Are we the good guys?
Yes.
Because we are carrying the fire.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.

BoomBoomWashington: wait, what is this, are you narrating or what

CormacMcCarthy:

We're not thinking, he said. We're not thinking.
The man went back and recovered some cans of food from the days of industry. A can of preserves. Pickled meat. Peaches. He put them in the grocery cart and grabbed his son's hand and they continued down the road, each the other's world entire.

BoomBoomWashington: this is getting extremely confusing, could you at least use some quotation marks or something

CormacMcCarthy:

We should have stopped for the little boy.
It was too dangerous.
We should have stopped for him.
I'm sorry.
Please say something.
The boy kept walking.
You have to talk to me.
The boy said nothing.
Is this story appropriate for a film adaptation?
No.
Okay.
Okay.

BoomBoomWashington: guh

Jennings? Where's my #5 guy?

JasonJenningsWithTheNews: Hey, Coach!

BoomBoomWashington: How's your arm?

JasonJenningsWithTheNews: Eh, it's decent. I mean, I'm not a very good pitcher, but at least I am capable of throwing a baseball and perhaps offering a half-dozen solid outings per season.

BoomBoomWashington: Thank God. Take the hill, let's see some throws.

JasonJenningsWithTheNews: Will do, Skip!

/steps on rubber

**OnlineHost** The pitching rubber has exploded.

JasonJenningsWithTheNews: AIEEEEE

/loses both arms

VicenteAmigo: IMPOSSIBLE

I DETECTED NO LAND MINES

BoomBoomWashington: vicente, that is not a land mine detector

VicenteAmigo: oh

hmm

VicenteAmigo: /attempts to stuff contract with Rangers into baseball

BoomBoomWashington: it's not a garbage can either

VicenteAmigo: oh

VicenteAmigo: i am horrible