Beware the Dugouts of March: The San Francisco Giants' 2009 Preview

In conclusion, the San Francisco Giants are a team that can be compared and contrasted. The end.

Wait, I have to write more, don't I.

After plowing through the AL West last week, the annual The Dugout Spring Training event moves on to the NL West, where teams get fired up to race passionately toward the pennant and become the latest, most interesting team to have absolutely no chance of winning the World Series. It is recommended that you watch this video before continuing. That way you're fully aware of what I'm talking about, and this Dugout doesn't seem like some kind of esoteric Blade Runner parody.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	SimTheEnchanter: /jogs out onto field
	TimTheEnchanter: Lesson one. We're never late.
	SimTheEnchanter: /nods head
	Online Host Later...
	TimTheEnchanter: Make sure you're getting up over your front leg...
	SimTheEnchanter: /pitches in perfect synchronization
	Online Host Later...
	TimTheEnchanter: We like to establish our dominance with a fastball.
	SimTheEnchanter: /nods
	TimTheEnchanter: Our favorite color is green.
	TimTheEnchanter: We have a tattoo that reads "man" in kanji between our shoulderblades, the kind you'd see on an Asian bathroom door
	SimTheEnchanter: I can just go into create-a-player and remove that, can't I
	TimTheEnchanter: no, this isn't a wrestling game, the best you can do in create-a-player is decide how long Tim Lincecum's socks should be
	TimTheEnchanter: besides, why would you want to change that, it looks totally bad ass
	SimTheEnchanter: uhhh, I don't know... you don't think it's weird that you're standing nude in the shower with your virtual self discussing your favorite color, and we both have "men" written on our necks
	TimTheEnchanter: no I do not find that weird at all
	TimTheEnchanter: But hey, you know what's weird? How the next time you're swimming in the pool I built you, the pool ladder is going to be taken away and you'll have no choice but to drown
	TimTheEnchanter: isn't that weird
	SimTheEnchanter: /looks around sheepishly
	TimTheEnchanter: is that more or less weird than your bathrooms disappearing and you dying from urine poisoning
	SimTheEnchanter: jeez I didn't mean to-
	TimTheEnchanter: oh and before I forget to tell you, your new next door neighbor is Virtual Randy Winn, and he's got a lean toward homosexual relationships
	SimTheEnchanter: okay okay I'm sorry, can we get back to you building my artificial intelligence instead of hurting my artificial feelings
	TimTheEnchanter: are you sure, because I just picked up this NES game called "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" that I think you'd be great in
	SimTheEnchanter: /showers morosely
	TimTheEnchanter: okay, your favorite food is "pizza" but you call it 'za. You tell people that your favorite movie is Die Hard, but it's actually Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
	TimTheEnchanter: you should've called your grandmother when she was dying, but you couldn't think of what to say, so you didn't and she died without knowing whether or not you loved her
	TimTheEnchanter: you draw dragon tattoos on yourself in green magic marker...
	Online Host 30 minutes later...
	BigJohnson: yelling from the locker room TIM! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE SHOWERING BY YOURSELF FOR 2 1/2 HOURS WHO ARE YOU TALKING T- /turns corner
	BigJohnson: /stares blankly
	TimTheEnchanter: uh... hey randy
	BigJohnson: You should put a towel on.
	BigJohnson: And... /looks away Are you ... fornicating with a video game case?
	TimTheEnchanter: hey, don't knock humping the cover of MLB 2K9, it's sex with somebody I love
	Online Host Meanwhile, outside the stadium...
	GoldBonds: our favorite color is green
	MusclesMcFee: who are you talking to
	GoldBonds: barry bonds' virtual self, made from computers
	MusclesMcFee: barry bonds did not sign with the mlbpa, muscles mcfee has nothing to do with barry bonds
	MusclesMcFee: and you should really put on a towel
	GoldBonds: barry had to sell his clothes

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

3-08-2009 @ 11:36PM

Donut King said...

And . . . more tomfoolery ensued.

3-09-2009 @ 9:11AM

BJ said...

I would like to thank you for directing me towards the amazing Wiki page for Winning Run

"Furthermore, the development team never played baseball in their life."

"After completing the 162 game season, the player is given an opportunity to face The Nintendo 64 Team (a special team that consists of batters and pitchers with maxed out stats.) If defeated, a cryptic message is shown telling the player that if he “plays hard” he will be rewarded with the chance to play as the Nintendo 64 Team. Oliver Davies, when questioned about what the message meant, said “It’s possible to play as the special teams, but I don’t remember what you had to do to unlock it.” "

3-09-2009 @ 10:24AM

mikefireball said...

OK, so B just wanted me to get him a screen shot of "Not Barry Bonds" in any video game, and I know nobody in Winning Run had their real name, but come on, Muscles McFee!