**OnlineHost** Welcome to Detroit Tigers Chat!

GotMeOnMyKnees: Listen up, guys. Last year was tough, and we

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: See, I think Hugo Chavez gets a bad rap.

KissTheSheff: Hugo Chavez? Isn't Venezuela part of the Axis of Evil?

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: No, we're part of the Tilt-A-Whirl Of Miscreants, along with Cuba and all the MacGyver villains.

GotMeOnMyKnees: Fellas, if I could have everyone's attention

KissTheSheff: But Chavez is a repressive leftist dictator! All the stuff with oil!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: "All the stuff with oil"? What do you mean?

KissTheSheff: I, uh

/logs on to Wikipedia

GotMeOnMyKnees: Okay, guys, I

KissTheSheff: He tried to eliminate term limits!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: Yeah, but he was voted down, which if nothing else suggests the limits of his power. Also, his election results have been verified by international watchdogs.

KissTheSheff: Yeah, but he's an enemy of free speech!

GotMeOnMyKnees: all right, guys, listen, our team has some obvious weak spots. Our second baseman is Mr. Potato Head and

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: I concede the point, but

KissTheSheff: But what? Repression of free speech is a crime against humanity!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: True, but how do you exercise your free speech?

KissTheSheff: i use it to speculate freely on whether derek jeter is or is not black enough

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: Yeah, my point exactly.

GotMeOnMyKnees: If we could have some quiet, please, we really need to address our catching situation. Our starting catcher is Gerald Laird, who reminds me of the fat kid from "Bad Santa" to an uncomfortable extent, and

KissTheSheff: Chavez is a socialist. You know that, right? A socialist.

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: Pretty much.

KissTheSheff: Oh my God! You're all right with that? How did America get to be so great! Capitalism! Capitalism is the most sound form of government!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: well actually, american government holds the occasional socialist element as well

KissTheSheff: pffft, yeah, ever since Superjesus Black Reagan moved into the White House!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: sure, but you also should keep in mind that in america's early years, the government gave farmers free land, and how do you think the railroad system was built

GotMeOnMyKnees: Um, we also need to address our bullpen situation, since Joel Zumaya will be out for the next four to six years after playing a game of Katamari Damacy too vigorously and severing his spinal cord

KissTheSheff: Yeah, but you can't call our government socialist!

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: no, you're right, we're supposed to be a republic, but in reality we're some sort of bureaucratic behemoth that oscillates between good ideas that don't work, and bad ideas that do work

KissTheSheff: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT

GotMeOnMyKnees: Ahem, guys, if I could have a minute, we also need to look at our lineup. Brandon Inge is so bad that the Elias Sports Bureau has decided to express his OPS with a Mandarin character that means "when your testicles shift into an uncomfortable position and you can't fix it because you're in a public setting," so

OhComeLetUsOrdonez: I'm just being pragmatic. Hugo Chavez is my fellow countryman. He's far from perfect, but if you're aware of a completely infallible philosophy of government, by all means let me know.

KissTheSheff: I do. Have you ever seen Fight Club?

GotMeOnMyKnees:

EVERYBODY SHUT THE F*** UP

GotMeOnMyKnees:

THIS CHAT IS ABOUT THE DETROIT TIGERS AND HOW DISAPPOINTING WE ARE GOING TO BE, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ALL OTHER LINES OF CONVERSATION

GotMeOnMyKnees: Thank you.

GotMeOnMyKnees: Now, the AL Central is kind of weak this year. It's conceivable that if we can put together an 86-win season, we could make a run at the playoffs.

GotMeOnMyKnees: Our team ERA is going to be 7.84, so that just means we have to

MinerThreat: WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO DISCUSS RON PAUL

GotMeOnMyKnees: oh f*** it

/strikes match against moustache, lights cigarette

RonPaulstiltskin: I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS RON PAUL

GotMeOnMyKnees: how did you get in here

RonPaulstiltskin: i don't know, someone was having a meandering, unproductive, poorly-informed political discussion, and then POOF