Beware the Dugouts of March: The Tampa Bay Rays' 2009 Preview

When did the Rays sign J.J. from Good Times?

The Tampa Bay Rays (neé Devil Rays) are the biggest question mark in the AL East. We know that Boston is going to do well. We know the Orioles are going to be terrible. We know the Yankees are going to seem unstoppable when the season starts, fall into, like, third place sometime in early June and make everybody freak out, the Steinbrenners are going to start threatening people, and they'll be fine and at the top of the division by the end of the year. We know the Blue Jays will exist (?). The Rays, though... who knows what the Rays are going to do.

Tonight's Dugout, which might be about the Blue Jays (I don't know), is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Maddon08: expectations are high this year, so as we move into Raypril® we need to make sure we do everything EXACTLY like we did last year
	Maddon08: Gabe, you're the new Rocco Baldelli
	KapYoAzz: oh, okay, does that mean NGYAAARRRGHH
	Maddon08: /injects nuclear waste runoff into Kapler's bloodstream
	KapYoAzz: /goes into hibernation
	Maddon08: David, you're going to have to go back down to the minors, no matter how many Playoffs you won
	WhatPriceGlory: aw fa real how far down do I have to go
	Maddon08: You have to go back to where you started last year, which was at the lowest professional level
	WhatPriceGlory: aw come on, I don't want to pitch for the Orioles
	Maddon08: Evan, we're going to send you back down to Triple-A Durham for a couple of weeks until we've forcefully de-legged Willy Aybar
	Maddon08: Until then you cannot let anyone know how good you are at baseball or make any jokes other than "my name sounds like Desperate Housewives"
	EvanAlmighty: Argh, and I just got a new handle! It's the more expensive, less compelling version of Jay Bruce's screen name!
	Maddon08: Sorry, it's back to the commons bin with you until April 12th
	Maddon08: Do some skits with Terry Hatcher, Nick Olett-Sheridan, and Marshall Cross
	EvanAlmighty: blergggh this is terrible, just let me be good at baseball
	Maddon08: No! Absolutely not! Last year we were a Cinderella team, but our "stagecoach" (team) turned back into a "pumpkin" (our team in 2007) when the "clock" (schedule) struck "midnight" (the Phillies)
	Maddon08: This year were are a Cinderella II: Dreams Come True team
	RadBradford: do we still have to play baseball in the "Orange Juice presents: the Tampa National Guard Armory"
	ChasingGarz: yeah coach, can we please play outside this year, we swear we'll be good
	RadBradford: i promise i will throw the ball overhand like i'm supposed to
	Maddon08: No. The only changes we're making this year are organic, building upon the changes that benefitted us last season.
	Maddon08: Firstly: new uniforms!
	Maddon08: The new uniforms will be completely teal. Teal with teal lining, teal highlights, teal buttons. They will be longsleeved and teal gloves and ski masks must be worn at all times.
	Maddon08: The new logo will be a teal square. Secondly! Removing parts of our name! This worked out really well for us last year.
	Maddon08: This year we will be known as the "Tampa Bay 'Ays," and we will be adopting Fonzie as our new mascot
	EverybodyLovesRaymond: /starts to comb hair in mirror; realizes that no hair combing is necessary
	Maddon08: by 2012 we will be known as the "Tampa Ys," an edict sent down by our new general manager, Adol Christin.
	Maddon08: of course by then nobody will notice, because we will be the last team on Earth
	Maddon08: But for now, our team is just a series of questions.
	Maddon08: We have to make sure every move we make is wise!
	Maddon08: ....aaaand I'm spent.
	KapYoAzz: hey, that's my job