Beware the Dugouts of March: The New York Mets' 2009 Preview

...step right up and EAT the Mets!

Earlier today, blogsmith Dan Graziano (Dugout screen name: LeavesOfGraz) web logged about visiting Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets, and reported back that all of the stadium's food is limp-wristed in nature. Excuse me, "limp-wristed in nurture." But no, the food has a faux-hawk and thinks its better than us, and I for one am not going to stand for it! I will not be attending a Mets game this season out of protest (also, I live in Ohio)!

I hope Citi Field has a big slogan on the outfield wall reading "THE STRENGTH TO EAT THERE." Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	LordsOfTheRyanChurch: /stuffs pork porchetta down gullet
	strikeout_rod: excuse me, could you please pass the moulard duck foie gras with pickled pear, it's almost time for the seventh inning stretc h
	DudleyDoWright: gee, thanks again Mr. Minaya, it's awful swell of you to let us try the new ballpark food!
	omar_goodness: You're welcome, David. I was trying to figure out what would set us apart from the new Yankee Stadium?
	omar_goodness: Then, it came to me in a dream: /holds up arms, palms out "Eating truffles while Carlos Delgado strikes out."
	omar_goodness: Johan, how is that stained-glass sushi?
	JohanSolo: omg, it is like Masaharu Morimoto is diarrheaing a f**king rainbow down my throat
	omar_goodness: Ha ha, that's great! You gonna be ready for opening day?
	JohanSolo: lol no
	strikeout_rod: What is your favorite dish, Mr. Minaya?
	omar_goodness: Well, nothing says "a hot afternoon at the ball game" quite like the pale amber eggs of the Iranian Almas caviar.
	omar_goodness: But I think my very favorite new item is the "Citi Field Burger."
	strikeout_rod: What's a Citi Field Burger?
	omar_goodness: Half a pound of ground beef cooked to order and topped with five hundred dollars in taxpayers' money
	omar_goodness: Johan! How's that shrimp dog!
	JohanSolo: whoever came up with the idea of serving the cockroach of the ocean on sweet bread is a genius
	omar_goodness: yeah, Giada de Laurentiis came up with that one
	omar_goodness: she's great to look at, but she said "SHAY-durr shay-say" instead of "cheddar cheese" so I think I hate her
	JohanSolo: mmm, this grotesque water bug still has its feelers! nom nom nom
	omar_goodness: ha ha, you been practicing real hard like you said you would?
	JohanSolo: ha ha nope
	DudleyDoWright: I can't wait to try one of the new desserts!
	DudleyDoWright: Last year I went to the concession stand and bought two ice creams, but by the time I got back into the dugout they'd melted all over me and it was miserable
	DudleyDoWright: from now on, everything I eat is gonna be served in a little upside down helmet!
	omar_goodness: the new stadium will have crème brulée, tiramisu with fresh blackberries, and something called a "New York Mets Soufflé"
	DudleyDoWright: A New York Mets Soufflé? What the heck is that?
	omar_goodness: it is a French Creme patissiere base with flavored cream sauce baked with egg yolks and beaten egg whites, sweetened, and served as a savory dessert
	omar_goodness: they call it a "New York Mets Soufflé" because it looks really great in the oven, but collapses right before you get to eat it
	WagnerCharKing: that sounds almost as bad as the Yankee Fan Sandwich at the new Yankee Stadium
	omar_goodness: why, what's a Yankee Fan Sandwich?
	WagnerCharKing: it costs 300 million dollars to make, you have to pay 150 dollars to order it, and then when you bite into it you realize it's still just a f**king sandwich

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

3-31-2009 @ 10:30PM

KingGreat said...

On a completely related note, she also says "spa-gee-tee" and it drives me nuts. Call it spaghetti and be done with it. Massive Mr. Met head.

Furthermore, the Yankee Club Sandwich (26 championship-caliber bacon strips interspersed atop scrubby turkey slices) is delicious to the Yankee fans, but turns surprisingly bitter in whiny detractors mouths. My apologies in advance to Cleveland and Baltimore fans; I'm sad about the missing Dugout.

3-31-2009 @ 10:48PM

Vyse24 said...

"WagnerCharKing: it costs 300 million dollars to make, you have to pay 150 dollars to order it, and then when you bite into it you realize it's still just a f**king sandwich"

Yep. Sounds about right.

4-01-2009 @ 1:14AM

Donut King said...

"omar_goodness: they call it a "New York Mets Soufflé" because it looks really great in the oven, but collapses right before you get to eat it"

I will never, ever get tired of Mets Collapse jokes. Ever. EVER!