Beware the Dugouts of March: The Boston Red Sox' 2009 Preview

Strut, friend. Strut the strut of a man who has no business strutting. Seriously, how do you have even a morsel of swagger you scary, scary man?

Hey guys, I'm Nick, the newest writer of the Dugout. Jon and B approached me and my love of socks and asked me if I could crank out a couple Spring Dugz, and of course I obliged. The Dugout has risen to the heights of super stardom over the past few years, and I'm truly honored. Hats off to two of the most talented guys on the web.

That being said, let's give this Dugout thing a try!

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Boston Red Sox Chat!
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: ortiz settle this
	OrtizItThisOne: Settle what?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: who is uglier penny or youkilis
	pennywise: this is straight offensive
	sacrament_of_youkilis: upupupupup let the man talk
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: see penny is this huge overweight smelly mother who i can guarantee has at one point or another worked up a sweat fishing a cheeze doodle nugget out of his chest hair
	pennywise: i'm sorry what?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: kevins got it i think though. when i think youk i think pantheon ugly
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: remember in friday the 13th final chapter when you see jasons waterlogged ass head with a hatchet hanging out of it? incest that guy until a handlebar mustache shows up and wham exact freakin replica
	OrtizItThisOne: Really? That bored guys?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: so bored. me and kevin havent had anything to do since we faked injuries to ditch the wbc
	OrtizItThisOne: Why don't you get in shape for the season?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: get in shape? all i do is switch to low-sodium goldfish and i'm good. i think kevin just focuses his 20/0.5 vision at skin cells for a couple hours every few days.
	sacrament_of_youkilis: that and i make myself look as hilariously ugly as possible
	OrtizItThisOne: You guys need to get a hobby or something. Don't you play any games besides baseball?
	sacrament_of_youkilis: well there is cracker stool
	OrtizItThisOne: What's Cracker Stool?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: i'll set it up /puts saltine on bar stool
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: hey rocco get in here
	RoccosModernLife: What's up?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: my god you look emaciated
	RoccosModernLife: I am emaciated. Remember? Screwed up metabolism? You make fun of me for it every day for some screwed up reason? Dick?
	Online Host RoccosModernLife has left the chat room
	OrtizItThisOne: "gg"
	sacrament_of_youkilis: he usually goes after that cracker pretty ferociously. he'll start to eat it and we bet on whether he can finish it before taking a breather on the stool.
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: i don't think i've won once. he goes after that thing way too hard man! i keep telling him to pace himself, there's a lot more cracker there than he thinks.
	OrtizItThisOne: Why don't you guys play with Papelbon? He's always looking for people to play with.
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: all he ever wants to play is spies
	OrtizItThisOne: What do spies do?
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: god knows. from what i've gathered a lot of drugs followed by laser gun noises by way of motts stained mouth.
	OrtizItThisOne: Whatever, I need to get back to BP. I'll see you guys later.
	Online Host OrtizItThisOne has left the chat
	sacrament_of_youkilis: waaiit for iiit
	Online Host RoccosModernLife has entered the chat
	RoccosModernLife: /dives at cracker maw ow num nraw mmm mum
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: easy bud! slow down youre dropping your hands! keep em up keep em up! dig deep!
	RoccosModernLife: mrum num num huhhhh huh huhhhhh
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: GET UP ROCK! GET UP YOU SUNAFABICH!
	RoccosModernLife: /collapses on stool
	sacrament_of_youkilis: pay up
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: i hate this freakin guy can we trade him and get manny back
	sacrament_of_youkilis: lol
	NotPedroiaLookingFor: lol dustin been bustin