Beware the Dugouts of March: The Washington Nationals' 2009 Preview

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a few hours since I verbally assaulted a loved one and flashed my piece. Elijah Dukes, everybody.

I've been living in DC for almost a year now, and I'm looking forward to maybe seeing the Nationals win a game this year. I went to 6 games last year and they didn't have the lead for a single inning. In fact, they were only not losing for 2 innings. Sad.

But this is a new year! The rebuilding years are over! Finally, DC has a team it can be proud of.

Alex Ovechkin after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Washington Nationals Chat!
	ActaFool: This is it boys! The moment of triumph! It took 40 "rebuilding years", but we've finally assembled a World Series cailiber team. Congratulations!
	SecretOfTheGuzman: /clap clap
	ActaFool: Uh, where is everyone?
	SecretOfTheGuzman: Well, after 4 seasons here I can say with the utmost confidence: abusing drugs and women.
	ActaFool: This is important! I'm unveiling the brand new Nationals!
	SecretOfTheGuzman: You'll never get them here all at once. You're better off going to them.
	ActaFool: Where are they?
	Online Host Welcome to Smithsonian Swingin' Salties Chat
	ActaFool: Ok, gang. I'll try to make this brief. I know I'm intruding on, uh... Well, I'm really not sure what. Is this a strip club or a crack den?
	DukesOfHazzard: mothafu**a this is neither a club nor a den
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: c'mere ho /slips crack vial into stripper's thong
	ActaFool: Whatever. You guys have endured the tortures of being a Washington National, and I'm happy to say that you'll soon be reaping the benefits.
	ActaFool: Management has approved several changes, including "improving" ourselves and bringing in new talent that is considered to be "good".
	GoodGasMilledge: sounds compcated
	ActaFool: We worked tirelessly, leaving no nuance unconsidered. Every waking hour of the offseason was spent building up and tearing down the entire program, statisticians and risk management teams poring over portfolios and MLB championship precedence.
	ActaFool: The result? Given the front office's current budget we have arrived at what is undoubtedly the finest organization possible, and I mean that quite literally.
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay am i on it capn
	ActaFool: Dmitri, last year you got so fat that you couldn't play the game of baseball. Do you have any idea how f***ing fat one must be to make the rigor of standing at first base, catching flies with your fat mouth, too physically demanding an activity to handle on a daily basis?
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: /creates roast from cigarette butts and ABC gum /pants heavily
	ActaFool: But yeah you're on the team.
	SecretOfTheGuzman: What did we do?
	ActaFool: We were able to get our most valuable asset on a strict diet and workout regiment. He lost 75 pounds and is in the best shape of his life!
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay thank you /sips on Jack and Pork
	ActaFool: Introducing the new and improved Screech!
	Screech: /does Bushwhackers dance
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: yo bro bring me two swinekens since ya ass is up
	SecretOfTheGuzman: Is that it?
	ActaFool: oh and we signed one of the most effective hitters the game has seen in years for relative peanuts
	GitErDunn: you gonna finish that roast
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: this brahs aight round a martinis fa me n my new boy
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: bacon not stirred

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

4-03-2009 @ 6:06PM

Neal said...

You should try to organize a Nationals group game - I'm down in Richmond and try to make it up to a bunch of games per year, and would love to see it with a group of fans.

4-03-2009 @ 10:19PM

finder1000 said...

You've "been living in DC for almost a year now"??? We long-time DC residents are just grateful to have Major League Baseball--even bad baseball. Going to the park is fun and sometimes it just doesn't matter that your team doesn't win. Watch the other team; enjoy the sunshine or cool night; watch the umpires; ENJOY THE GAME FOR THE SAKE OF THE GAME!!!

4-04-2009 @ 3:32PM

Donut King said...

If Screech ever actually DOES the Bushwhackers dance, he/she/it will immediately become a member of the top five best mascots in the history of ever.

4-04-2009 @ 6:18PM

Ashwini said...

I've been in DC for almost 2 years now, and Smithsonian Swingin' Salties sounds better than any actual strip club in this city.

4-04-2009 @ 4:30PM

lunch said...

I've lived in DC for almost two years now, and Smithsonian Swingin' Salties sounds better than any actual strip club in this city.

4-04-2009 @ 6:46PM

ButtHead said...

Hey Nationals you got one heck of a pitcher in Joe Beimel from the Dodgers. Our numbnuttzz Gm Ned Colletti let him go because he wouldn't pony up with another $300,000 because the owners wife wanted to buy another house somewhere. The Dodgers are almost $30 million under last years cap.

Joe Beimel gives you that hard nose throw back player, you will love him. He kicks butt and has a good memory of those have have hit him before. I couple of years ago I thought this Padre rookie was gonna pee his pants cause Joe was ticked on an upm's call on the previous pitch. It took the rookie almost five minutes to get into the batters box, he kept changing batts, and helmets.

The best news is that Joe is a great guy and makes the perfect bobblehead.

Good luck Joe. I'm gonna be rooting for you there.

Signed,

The old fart with the tatered wrmup jacket in the left field pavilion.