**OnlineHost** Welcome to Dodgers-Diamondbacks Chat!

EthierOr: /crosses plate

Torreumon: He scored! He scored!

HarenMySoup: What? No he didn't. I caught the ball and doubled up Juan Pierre at second base.

Pierrepants: hahaha, you threw out freaking Juan Pierre, way to go, do you want a prize or something

Pierrepants: this morning i awoke to find that i had been thrown out eleven times while sound asleep

HarenMySoup: An out's still an out, and that was the third out.

Torreumon: Right, but Ethier scored before Pierre was tagged out.

HarenMySoup: But Ethier had to tag up!

EthierOr: i ain't got to do nothin' but stay ethnically diverse and die!

Torreumon: Here, I'll explain. If you had thrown to third and doubled up Ethier, then that's it, inning over, he doesn't score.

Torreumon: But instead you threw to second, and Felipe Lopez had to run after Pierre. Ethier crossed the plate before Pierre was tagged out.

FelipeCoin: That shouldn't matter. How can Ethier's run count if he never tagged up?

Torreumon: I think that you misunderstand the concept of the "tag up." A baserunner is only compelled to tag up if the other team enforces it. But you never did, and the minute you tagged out Pierre to end the inning, you never could.

FelipeCoin: So you're saying I should have chucked the ball to third for the fourth out.

Torreumon: yep

FelipeCoin: but i mean, i tagged out pierre, then i went into your dugout and tagged out all the players and coaches

FelipeCoin: and then i climbed into the stands and tagged everyone who happened to be wearing a Dodgers jersey, i even tagged this one dude who was wearing an Eric Gagne jersey

FelipeCoin: and then i drove to Brooklyn, exhumed Jackie Robinson's skeleton, and tagged all 206 of his bones, including all the obscure ones such as the lateral cuneiform bone and all the proximal phalanges

FelipeCoin: then i tagged this very post with the tag, "I AM TAGGING YOU AND YOU ARE OUT"

Torreumon: But you never tagged Andre Ethier or threw him out. Doesn't matter.

FelipeCoin: guh

HarenMySoup: That's stupid, though. It doesn't make any sense. You're not dealing in the rules of baseball anymore, you're dealing in abstract philosophy.

Torreumon: You're wrong. Rule 7.10 of the Major League Baseball rulebook backs me up on this.

HarenMySoup: yeah, but everyone knows the rulebook is irrelevant

HarenMySoup: rule 7.11 reads as follows:

"while turning a double play, the second baseman or shortstop can step on second base if he wants to, but only if it's not too much trouble"

HarenMySoup: rule 7.12 is kennesaw mountain landis' grocery list

HarenMySoup: rule 7.13 is just a crude drawing of a dog driving a tank

FelipeCoin: Yeah, it doesn't hold up. Baseball has like three concrete rules. Then there are guidelines that mimic the nuances of those rules, and a bunch more guidelines that build off the nuances of the nuances.

Torreumon: what are you talking about

FelipeCoin: I'm saying that you exploited an obscure rule that's contrary to the spirit of baseball rules.

I mean, think about this. You're saying that a player who has not tagged up can score. You sound like you're trying to explain time travel or something.

FelipeCoin: What kind of procedural nonsense is that?

Torreumon: It's not procedural. "Procedure" suggests the objective existence of time, which is not an actual entity.

Torreumon: I happen to believe that in reality, there are an infinite number of universes that exist in statis, never moving.

If you don't like the fact that Ethier scored without tagging up, you should move to a universe in which Ethier's run doesn't count.

FelipeCoin: I think I will!

**OnlineHost** Felipe Lopez has left the chat room.

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Universe # X-5654513384 Chat!

FelipeCoin: hmm

**OnlineHost** In this universe, Planet Earth is cube-shaped and is populated by a race of polymorphous, translucent blobs that communicate by moaning.

**OnlineHost** Enormous winged spider-bees stalk the Earth, inspiring terror in all other creatures.

**OnlineHost** There is no Sun, moon, or stars. There is only an enormous boombox in the sky that plays "Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water" on infinite loop.

**OnlineHost** All plant life on Earth patiently evolves until it achieves sentience, at which point it immediately commits suicide.

FelipeCoin: But did Andre Ethier score?

**OnlineHost** No.

FelipeCoin: ahhhhhhh

FelipeCoin: /is decapitated by mandibles of enormous spider monster