The Dugout: No Use for a Name

On Wednesday, Rangers pitcher Darren O'Day wore ex-Ranger Kason Gabbard's jersey onto the field and promptly gave up a hit to end the game. There is precedent for this, of course. During Game Seven of the 1991 World Series, Lonnie Smith's jersey was mistakenly donned by a four-year-old who had just fallen off a merry-go-round.

The Rangers claim that they simply did not have a jersey ready for the newly-acquired O'Day, but I interpret it as commentary. For the most part, the Rangers' pitching staff is a nondescript gaggle of forgettable ball-chuckers, and this occurrence cements the idea that it doesn't really matter who's wearing whose jersey.

This morning's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Texas Rangers Chat!
	TheHolyDarrenODay: oh man oh man i had the craziest dream last night
	KasonPoint: did you have the dream where you're standing at a door, and you're trying to turn the doorknob, but it won't open?

	TheHolyDarrenODay: I...what? I've never had a dream like that.
	KasonPoint: you don't? man, i have that dream all the time, it's always so vivid
	TheHolyDarrenODay: you are the most boring person i have ever met
	KasonPoint: /eats handful of enriched flour straight out of bag
	TheHolyDarrenODay: but anyway, I dreamed that I was just sitting around, doing whatever one does whenever you're a pitcher and not even the Texas Rangers want you to pitch for them
	TheHolyDarrenODay: come to think of it, i think i was slowly rotting away in a coffin
	TheHolyDarrenODay: but yeah, all of a sudden I get a call from the Rangers, and it turns out that they've called me off waivers, so I take the next plane to Toronto
	TheHolyDarrenODay: so I get up there, and they're like, "you need to get in the game right now," so I do
	TheHolyDarrenODay: And this is where it gets crazy. It turns out that I'm pitching, and I'm wearing your jersey.
	KasonPoint: hey man, i'm pretty sure that actually happened
	TheHolyDarrenODay: Then I take the ball and immediately hang a sinker and lose the game. You know what's weird in dreams, is that you always hang your pitches.
	KasonPoint: holy crap i think i've been dreaming my entire life
	TheHolyDarrenODay: And then Ruben Sierra came onto the field and told me I was late for school, and
	KasonPoint: all right, shut up, nobody ever wants to hear about someone else's dreams
	TheHolyDarrenODay: But what was the symbolism? Why was I wearing your jersey? It has to mean something!
	KasonPoint: i'm pretty sure it means that the texas rangers' pitching staff is a nameless rabble of mediocre-to-bad pitchers
	KasonPoint: whichever name we happen to wear on our jersey is arbitrary and interchangeable
	TheHolyDarrenODay: hmm What if we just got one guy to take over for the entire pitching staff? The rest of us could just spend the entire season in the bullpen, Yankee Farnsworth style.
	KasonPoint: well, who do we know who could pitch 1500-ish innings per season

	OnlineHost Welcome to Last Day of the Season Chat
	BoomBoomWashington: /walks out to mound
	BoomBoomWashington: You pitched a good game, "Millwood." I'm gonna go ahead and send in "Eddie Guardado."
	NolanOnTheRiver: yep
	NolanOnTheRiver: /walks to bullpen /throws on Eddie Guardado jersey /walks back to mound
	BoomBoomWashington: Hey, are you missing your right arm?
	NolanOnTheRiver: mmhmm threw a pitch in kansas city last month and it just tore right off, around inning number 1300
	NolanOnTheRiver: went ahead and buried it so the coyotes wouldn't track me down
	BoomBoomWashington: You know, I can always get the real Guardado out here
	NolanOnTheRiver: Just give me the god damn baseball.
	NolanOnTheRiver: /mashes ball into festering wound where arm used to connect
	NolanOnTheRiver: /flexes pectoral and thoracic muscle rrrrggh
	BoomBoomWashington: Maybe you need to throw some more warmup pitches. That one only clocked at 104
	NolanOnTheRiver: if you keep giving me the guff i'll put you in a headlock and punch the top of your head over and over until they make a baseball card about it

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

4-25-2009 @ 4:32PM

Twinkie said...

For some reason I'm extremely disappointed that his screenname isn't "YoGabbaGabbard".

4-25-2009 @ 6:17PM

chokexonxfailure said...

I haven't even read the actual strip yet, but I love the title. Next, can we get one about Bengie Molina pushing around a cart called "Lagwagon"? Maybe a strip about Xavier Nady trying to get laid, and failing, called "No F, X".