Beware the Dugouts of April: The Montreal Expos' 2009 Preview

The Dugout would like to issue an apology. We made the somewhat ambitious attempt last month to offer previews of each and every Major League team. As some of you have pointed out, there were two teams we didn't preview.

We hope to make it up to you, starting this evening. The Montreal Expos didn't generate much hype this Spring, but last year's Rays serve as proof that anything is possible.

Sorry to slight you, Montreal fans. Your Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Montreal Expos Chat!
	LawVanceOfArabia: /runs to first Ghost man on first! /runs back to home plate, grabs bat
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: /pitches
	LawVanceOfArabia: /swings /misses
	LawVanceOfArabia: Ghost catcher! /runs to retrieve ball from backstop
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: gost umpire! /runs behind plate strike one!!!
	LawVanceOfArabia: Aw, horse apples!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: /pitches
	LawVanceOfArabia: /checks swing
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: /runs behind plate gost catcher! /appeals to third base
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: /runs to third base strike 2!!!!
	LawVanceOfArabia: What? Are you blind? Do you need to procure glasses, on account of the fact that you are blind and cannot see well enough to discern a checked swing from a full swing?
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: no i am a able umpire who has weatherd many years as the admral of the bakstop!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: in fact i have been a umpire so long that i am now dead and thats why im a gost
	LawVanceOfArabia: /runs to dugout Ghost manager! /stomps out to field
	LawVanceOfArabia: He didn't go around on the swing! You are so dumb that you should probably fill out the necessary paperwork and enroll yourself in "intelligence school"!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: well i herd the dum factory down the street exploded and a bunch o stupid shrapnel went evrywhere an a piece of it got lodgd in your ugly face and you became dum!
	LawVanceOfArabia: FIGHT /throws punch
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 101! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 102! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 103! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 104! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 105! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 106! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 107! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 108! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 109! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 110! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 111! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 112! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: Ghost fan, section A, row 1, lower level, seat 113! /cheers
	YouppiTheJudge: okay that's an Olympic Stadium record, I'm done
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: your out of the game!!!
	LawVanceOfArabia: /puts on suit, makes weary, clueless facial expression Ghost commissioner!
	LawVanceOfArabia: I hereby declare that Vance Law will remain in the game. I also declare that Jeff Farnsworth will be suspended for a billion games for violating the league's "don't be a butt face" policy!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: /puts on suit, expensive jewelry, brass knuckles gost players union representative!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: if you dont retract jeff farnsworths suspension, i will strongarm the crap out of you an you will go bankrupt!
	LawVanceOfArabia: /haunches over, bares teeth, foams at mouth Ghost free market!
	LawVanceOfArabia: If your players decide to go on strike, I will ensure that baseball will employ other players at far lesser cost, and Major League Baseball's profit margins will increase!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: awwwwwww
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: ok so whats the score now
	LawVanceOfArabia: 3-2, bottom of the sixth, man on first. 1-1 count.
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: an what is the logo on my hat sposed to resemble
	LawVanceOfArabia: Toothpaste, I think.
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: an r we less disappointing than th yankees this season
	LawVanceOfArabia: Yes.
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: wheeeeee
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: gost dad!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: make sure to eat yor puddin pops!
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: bill cosbie;
	OnlineHost The overhead lights at Olympic Stadium have been shut off by the municipal government.
	F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: aw i was in th midle of a real good joke

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

4-27-2009 @ 7:55PM

Barclay said...

well done. nice to see kyle's brother is still at it.

4-27-2009 @ 9:35PM

Donut King said...

A "don't be a butt face" policy, eh? Wouldn't that eradicate, like, half of the AL East?

Anyway.

Good work JB!

4-28-2009 @ 12:55PM

1984ever said...

F4rnsw0rth_b3ntl3y: an what is the logo on my hat sposed to resemble

For the longest time, I thought it was a red 'e', then a white 'l', and a blue 'b', or "elb".. which I took to be French for Expo, or something. Yeah, I'm an idiot, but thanks for giving me a chance to tell that story one more time.

4-28-2009 @ 2:17PM

Ragingape said...

The Montreal Expos: The mouse that never roared should be required reading for Dugout fans.

http://progressiveboink.com/archive/expos.htm

4-28-2009 @ 2:18PM

Great Dugout by the way. When will you be doing a Spring Training preview of the Joliet Jackhammers?

4-28-2009 @ 2:23PM

bkcguy311 said...

you do a dougout on the damn Expos? Where is the Braves 2009 preview? How about the damn world champion Phillies?

you suck

4-28-2009 @ 3:23PM

Paul said...

Great Dugout. I love the continuation of the Expos Spring Dugz.

4-29-2009 @ 3:29PM

Jason said...

Well, I did laugh out loud several times.

I'm still mad that the Phillies for some reason haven't appeared (I can still get over not seeing the boring Braves), but yeah, I did laugh out loud.

I'd forgotten all about Vance Law. Was expecting a Rex Hudler appearance.