Fed Up? Just Allow Doping in Baseball

So another baseball hero got snared in the performance-enhancing web. Today, Manny Ramirez.

Tomorrow, Roger Clemens?

Oh yeah, never mind.

Alex Rodriguez? Sammy Sosa? Mark McGwire? Barry Bonds?

You really do need a scorecard to keep up with the falling stars. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of trying to remember who's on first and who's on Winstrol.

You're never going to get rid of the dirty people. The only way to clean up the game is to get rid of the rules that turn people into dirtbags.

Just go ahead and make performance-enhancing drugs acceptable under a doctor's supervision.

I know it's not an ideal solution. In an ideal world, PEDs wouldn't exist. Neither would bedbugs, "The View" and Perez Hilton.

Some things you just can't stamp out no matter how hard you try. Since we can't beat the cheats, I say join them.

Not literally, of course. Something about shrunken testicles and baldness turns me off. But major leaguers are adults, at least chronologically. If they're willing to assume the health risks, let them.

The irony here is that Ramirez was trying to avoid symptoms often related to steroid use. Yahoo! Sports reported the substance was a sexual enhancer.

Manny Ramirez

It seems this isn't a case of Manny being Manny. It's a case of Manny being Wilford Brimley.

The source said Manny wasn't taking Viagra, but some other bedroom booster. Whatever it was, I expect Peter Gammons will forget to ask when he gets an exclusive interview with a repentant Ramirez. That will be followed by a book in which Selena Roberts accuses Manny of having a fake hair weave while in Boston.

It's become standard baseball choreography. The accused cheat comes out and bravely says he thought his trainer or cousin or masseuse was giving him Flintstones vitamins, and it turned out to be decabytopzilin.

I made that steroid name up, but who's to say it doesn't really exist? The real worry here is that things are only going to get worse.

Scientists have unraveled the human genome. It won't be long until expectant Little League couple can order a designer slugger. We'll never be able to untangle who's real, who's fake, what's legit and what deserves a 50-game suspension.

The easiest way to accept this reality is to accept that baseball is entertainment. Juice away like you're Sylvester Stallone getting in shape for Rambo XVXII.

The counter-argument is that it will adversely influence kids. I'm afraid that steroid horse has already left the BALCO barn. At least if PEDs were allowed in pro sports they'd be under qualified supervision. Nobody would be sneaking off to a bathroom stall with Jose Canseco and a syringe.

As for the old argument about the sanctity of a level playing field, that's always been a myth. Teams that win usually have the best players, equipment, coaching and science that money can buy.

Unless you're the Yankees, who just have the most expensive stadium money can buy. If PEDs are allowed, expect the Steinbrenners to become the Frankensteins. I can live with that since we already exist in a very gray area.

Laser surgery gives players vision that God apparently never intended them to have. Curt Schilling's bloody sock performance in the 2004 ALCS was brought to you in part by Marcaine, an injected painkiller.

The line between what's natural and what's cheating is getting blurrier all the time. That's never been an issue with most entertainment products. Carmen Electra can get a million frequent shopper points at the plastic surgeon.

Hey, at least A-Rod's are real.

Once upon a time, I would get upset at reports that Rodriguez got man-boobs from steroid abuse. I believed in the honor of players like Hank Aaron and the sanctity of the game.

Now it's simpler and much less frustrating to look at baseball as a play. So what if some players want to pad their parts?

We should just draw a BC/AD line at 1994. Steroids became as much a part of baseball as the confused look on Bud Selig's face.

When you don't know what you can believe, you can't believe anything.

And I sure don't know what to believe anymore, other than Ramirez did not want to strike out with the ladies.

Latest Manny Ramirez Images

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez looks out from the Dodgers' dugout during their game against the San Diego Padres in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake/Files (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez walks to his team's dugout during their game against the San Diego Padres in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez runs in from the outfield during their game against the San Diego Padres in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake/Files (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez walks back to the dugout after striking out in the 9th inning against the San Diego Padres in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez strikes out against the Padres in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez walks back to the dugout after striking out in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME LAW)

Reuters

Los Angeles Dodgers left fielder Manny Ramirez tosses his batting helmet in the air after grounding out in the ninth inning during a one run loss in San Diego in this April 9, 2009 file photo. Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games after testing positive for a performance enhancing drug, Major League Baseball announced on May 7, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Blake (UNITED STATES SPORT BASEBALL CRIME)

Reuters

FILE - In this Aug. 1, 2008 file photo, Los Angeles Dodgers' Manny Ramirez (99) waits to hit as team owner and chairman, Frank McCourt looks on during the first inning of a baseball game againstthe Arizona Diamondbacks in Los Angeles. Ramirez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball on Thursday, May 7, saying he was prescribed a medication by a doctor that contained a banned substance. The commissioner's office didn't announce the specific violation by the Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder, who will lose about $7.65 million of his $25 million salary. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)

FILE- In this July 14, 2008 file photo, baseball players Manny Ramirez, left, and Alex Rodriguez share a laugh during batting practice at the Major League Baseball All-Star Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium in New York. Ramirez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball on Thursday, May 7, 2009, becoming the latest high-profile player ensnared in the sport's drug scandals. The Los Angeles Dodgers star said he did not take steroids and was prescribed medication by a doctor that contained a banned substance. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens, File)

Los Angeles Dodgers Manny Ramirez adjusts his glove as he gets set to bat against the Washington Nationals in a baseball game in Los Angeles, Wednesday, May 6, 2009. Ramirez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball on Thursday, May 7, saying he was prescribed a medication by a doctor that contained a banned substance. The commissioner's office didn't announce the specific violation by the Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder, who will lose about $7.65 million of his $25 million salary. (AP Photo/Lori Shepler)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

5-07-2009 @ 7:27PM

bradgnoyes said...

Fed up? Then how about you people stop covering these stories? What's sad is that sportswriters (or worse yet, sportsbloggers) leach onto these stories and milk them for all their worth every time. As a baseball fan I can tell you that I don't care if a player gets caught using steroids. Let them be punished and lets move on. What I do hate is how I can't turn on the TV or go to a sports web site and read about the teams and players I follow without wading through all the "Top Stories" about Manny and ARod's off-field antics, Michael Vick's prison visits, or how Favre "might" unretire. You know how to best make these problem go away? Stop making them the top stories in the world of sports, and start focusing on what goes on during the game.

5-07-2009 @ 7:29PM

And sorry about the typos.

5-07-2009 @ 11:55PM

titanlord91 said...

youre an idiot.

5-08-2009 @ 12:19AM

gmlet said...

Instead of giving up, how about getting tough? Like giving people a lifetime ban for first offense. That would get everyone's attention and drive away the cheats once and for all.

I love people like you, Whitley. When the going gets tough, you get going...only in the wrong direction.

5-11-2009 @ 1:54AM

Michael said...

If you can prove that steroids consistently helps every player hit or throw a ball measurably better than the next, please become commissioner and start issuing those bans.

If you can't, please go watch football, where they must be PED-free because they almost never suspend anybody.

5-08-2009 @ 10:12AM

ThaRev said...

Nice solution. Why don't you just tell all the aspiring HS players to go ahead and juice their little brains out too? MLB turning a blind eye to PED's is pretty much telling kids who dream of a pro ball career that taking PED's is a requirement to make it.

Can you imagine the amount of lawsuits that would be aimed at MLB?

You and the rest of the media who even think about this solution are idiots of the highest order.