The Dugout: Jayson Werth Versus the Zeitgeist of Our Times

On Tuesday night, the Phillies' Jayson Werth singled off Dodgers pitcher Will Ohman in the seventh inning, then stole second base, third base, and home plate. By my count, Werth is only the fourth player since the Ty Cobb era (after Paul Molitor, Eric Young, and Chris Stynes) to straight-up steal his way around the basepaths. He came as close as a baserunner can get to stealing a home run.

Perhaps Werth experienced an epiphany of self-actualization, or perhaps the Dodgers were simply preoccupied with other matters. Manny being Bannied and all that.

Your Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Phillies-Dodgers Chat!
	will.oh.man: I just can't believe Manny would do that to us. We made a section in the stands for him and called it "Mannywood." And it's not even a good pun.
	RussellMania: Oh definitely not, it's a horrible pun. Is it even supposed to be a pun? I don't know. Nobody can make a good pun anymore.
	will.oh.man: /throws
	JaysonVooyrhees: /singles
	will.oh.man: What did we give up to get Manny anyway? I don't remember.
	RussellMania: I think we got him in a three-way trade by sending Jack Bauer to Washington.
	will.oh.man: Oh well, he was over the hill anyway. I mean, look at him now. He just sweats profusely, cries, and flops around on the ground.
	RussellMania: yeah sounds like a nationals closer to me
	JaysonVooyrhees: /steals second base
	will.oh.man: Hey, you think if Jack Bauer hosted a cooking show, he'd ever say "we're running out of thyme"?
	RussellMania: I guess. I mean, maybe.
	RussellMania: Seems like a pretty convoluted turn of events for such a small payoff, though. Just saying.
	JaysonVooyrhees: uh
	will.oh.man: But anyway, what do you think should happen to Manny?
	RussellMania: I'm not sure. It's complicated, I think.
	JaysonVooyrhees: whatever /bolts for third
	will.oh.man: You know, Bill Plaschke was on the ESPN the other day. He was saying that since Manny Ramirez did steroids, every child in Los Angeles will also do steroids, and then, with their grotesquely Herculean arms, will claw into the ground and build a huge underground cave where they will play video games and have rap music parties.
	will.oh.man: I really don't know if I'd be comfortable with that.
	RussellMania: I know what you're saying. In all seriousness, the only reason I object morally to PEDs in baseball is the "think of the children" argument.
	will.oh.man: /rolls eyes
	JaysonVooyrhees: /rolls eyes /dusts off pants
	RussellMania: Well, think about it! If major leaguers are allowed to use PEDs, most players will be compelled to use them in order to keep the playing field level.
	RussellMania: That means that minor leaguers would need to use steroids to have a shot at the majors, and that means that high school players would want to use them if they hoped to get drafted.
	will.oh.man: And that would lead to the illicit underground rap music parties?
	RussellMania: Yeah. Hopefully they wouldn't start listening to Aesop Rock, but you never know.
	will.oh.man: Hmm. I wonder whether all this steroids business is distracting us from appreciating the game itself.
	RussellMania: Let's discuss this issue at length!
	JaysonVooyrhees: oh f*** this /steals home
	JaysonVooyrhees: hey guys, i am doing my best to make this interesting but this is seriously the most boring discussion ever
	will.oh.man: Who are you?
	JaysonVooyrhees: i am the guy that just made you look like a chump
	will.oh.man: Oh man!
	JaysonVooyrhees: that's your name, don't wear it out
	RussellMania: Do you think that baseball players sometimes date celebrities? My guess: perhaps!
	JaysonVooyrhees: /steals first

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

5-14-2009 @ 10:17AM

Donut King said...

. . . in which the pride of Chatham, IL rocks SoCal like so much hair metal.

Nice work!

5-14-2009 @ 10:20AM

Fact Checker said...

Jayson Werth stole home on Ronald Belisario, not Will Ohman.

5-14-2009 @ 11:35AM

Rob said...

Oh come on, don't hate on Aesop.

Also, superb dugout.

5-14-2009 @ 10:50PM

kelpie1314 said...

Fact checker,

Actually, it was neither (though it was Belisario on the mound). He stole on Russell Martin's lazy lob back to the pitcher. The ball barely left Martin's hand when Werth broke for home.