**OnlineHost** Welcome to San Francisco Giants 2008 Chat!

LowryHole: Something's not right with my arm. I think I need to see the team doctor.

BochyBall: The team doctor?

What's he talking about?

RideTheSabean: /shrug

BochyBall: OH! Wait!

/rummages through Barry Bonds' old locker, finds dozens of used syringes

BochyBall: Hmm. Sorry, our team doctors are all empty.

LowryHole: So we don't have a team doctor.

BochyBall: No, kid, we barely have a team. What's wrong with your arm?

LowryHole: It, uh, hurts, and it's hard to pitch with it.

BochyBall: Can you run with it?

LowryHole: what?

BochyBall: Ohhhh okay okay okay...arm arm arm armmmmm

BochyBall: what do we know about arms

RideTheSabean: you can use them to manipulate the environment around you and stick up your middle finger at people

BochyBall: Anything else?

RideTheSabean: no

BochyBall: And since you're a pitcher, Noah...whew! That must really be tough, since you use your arm a lot.

LowryHole: You know what, I think I'll just load up WebMD and perform field surgery on myself

BochyBall: No way! We can fix this! We just need to employ some good old fashioned problem solving. We need to think outside the box.

BochyBall: Okay, tell you what. Take this ballpoint pen and jam it into your arm. If the arm turns blue it means you have Schrödinger's Cat.

LowryHole: what in the f*** are you talking about

BochyBall: This is the kind of stuff Dr. House does! Haven't you ever seen House?

LowryHole: Yeah, but you're no Hugh Laurie.

BochyBall: No, you're Noah Lowry! Get it?

RideTheSabean: haaaaaaa

BochyBall: Sorry. Anyway. Let me go down a checklist of everything I know about human anatomy and medicine.

LowryHole: to answer your first forty or so questions, no, i can't do the regeneration thing that wolverine can do, i'm not the guy on that episode of 20/20 who had acute elephantatitis, and no, i have not recently ingested those suicide pills they give to CIA spies

BochyBall: Thanks.

Okay, have you eaten raw egg yolks lately? Those can be bad for you.

LowryHole: no, why would that even matter

BochyBall: Because! Think about it! They have bacterias in them and then can get, uh, get into your arm system.

RideTheSabean: actually i think the food goes straight down to your feet and then the devil reaches up from hell and grabs the food out of your toes and makes pol pot eat it

BochyBall: No, but his feet don't...your feet don't hurt, right?

LowryHole: no

BochyBall: Good, good.

Maybe you should take some herbal medicines.

LowryHole: why

BochyBall: Well, they like, see, you have toxins in your body, and they're basically these little brown, uh, specks that are all in your muscles and bones and stuff, and, you, and

RideTheSabean: and if you take ginseng it goes into your

BochyBall: yeah it goes into your body and tells your liver to make more blood and

LowryHole: no

RideTheSabean: and the liver starts making new blood because your old blood has all the toxin crap in it, and then you, and

BochyBall: and then you shouldn't take it if you're diabetic, because within 72 hours, when diet and exercise aren't enough, lipitor can lower cholesterol up to 61%, they may be a result of a rare but serious side effect

LowryHole: okay now you're just regurgitating whichever pharmaceuticals you happen to have seen before

BochyBall: and then at 9/8 central, SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

BochyBall: what can you do to keep your children from horrible murderers, our i-watch investigative team has the story tonight

LowryHole: all right, you know what, i'm just going to have the doctors remove one of my ribs

BochyBall: Why?

LowryHole: so they can use it to make Eve, who can then tempt me into eating fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, so i can figure out what the f*** is wrong with my arm

**OnlineHost** Noah Lowry has left the chat room.

BochyBall: Well, it's his loss. He didn't even let us perform a bloodletting!

RideTheSabean: awwwww

RideTheSabean: /puts away rusty spike, hammer, book of Psalms