**OnlineHost** Welcome to Jake Peavy Chat!

EVPeavyJapanevy: /fart

haha

EVPeavyJapanevy: /fart

hahahaha

EVPeavyJapanevy: /fart

aaaaahahahahaha

**OnlineHost** Jim Thome has entered the chat room.

EVPeavyJapanevy: /fart

oh hello

WordUpThome: THIS CHAT ROOM SMELLS OF THE LORD'S BOOGERS

WHAT IN PRAY TELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN HE

WordUpThome: HERE

EVPeavyJapanevy: absolutely nothing of relevance

WordUpThome: BUT THE "FUN FACTS" ON THE BACKS OF YOUR BASED BALL CARDS SAY THAT YOU ARE A RELEVANCE ENTHUSIAST

EVPeavyJapanevy: well it's kind of hard to be relevant when you pitch for the nowheresville nothings

WordUpThome: I ONCE OPINIONED THAT YOU SHOULD PLAY HARD NO MATTER WHAT LETTER GOD PUTS ON YOUR HAT

EVPeavyJapanevy: well God put this on my hat. What do you make of it?

WordUpThome: IT LOOKS LIKE THE PAPER PLACED MAT THEY GIVE YOU AT THE SHONEY'S

WHAT WITH YOU DRAW A LINE AND HELP THE OLD MAN FIND THE CHEESE

**OnlineHost** Jermaine Dye has entered the chat room.

YerMainGuy: Jim, we're down 7-0.

WordUpThome: HOLD ON TO YOUR HORSES, I AM HELPING THE OLD MAN FIND THE CHEESE

YerMainGuy: that's what you always say

**OnlineHost** Jermaine Dye has left the chat room.

WordUpThome: ANYWAY

JAKE THE LAKE, IT APPEARS THAT YOU'RE ALL DAMMED UP AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO FLOW

WordUpThome: WOULD YOU LIKE TO WEAR PIN STRIPES AND A HAT THAT ALMOST SAYS "SUX"

EVPeavyJapanevy: You want me to pitch in Chicago? What's in Chicago?

WordUpThome: A FROZEN LAKE AND 9 MILLION GRUMPY FOLKS AND INSUFFERABLY THICK PIE CRUST

**OnlineHost** Jermaine Dye has entered the chat room.

YerMainGuy: Hey Jim, now we're down 12-0.

EVPeavyJapanevy: What's the weather like in Chicago?

YerMainGuy: We haven't seen the Sun since 1981 and it's so cold that you piss icicles. Jim, get the Hell back in the game.

**OnlineHost** Jermaine Dye has left the chat room.

EVPeavyJapanevy: See, in San Diego, at least the weather's nice. It's perpetually 75 degrees and sunny, and if it ever rains, God personally reaches down from Heaven and hands you an "I'm sorry" note and a coupon for a free Chipotle burrito of your choice

WordUpThome: HOLY MOLE

EVPeavyJapanevy: haha

WordUpThome: MOLEY

EVPeavyJapanevy: oh

WordUpThome: WELL SAN DIEGO SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WARP WHISTLE OF A TIME

BUT CHICAGO HAS A PLACE CALLED THE NAVY PIE

WordUpThome: PIER WHERE YOU WALK AROUND AND BUY SNO CONES AND WALK AROUND SOME MORE AND

I GUESS THAT ABOUT SUMS HER UP

EVPeavyJapanevy: Sorry, man. I want a trade, but I want to be traded to a team with a future.

WordUpThome: I

OKEY DOKE

WordUpThome: DOKEY

**OnlineHost** Jim Thome has left the chat room.

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Chicago White Sox Chat!

YerMainGuy: What the Hell took you so long? We're down 20-0.

WordUpThome: OLD CARPETBAGGING JIM WAS ATTEMPTING TO EXACT THE WARES OF A YOUNG SOUTHERN PAW

YerMainGuy: Peavy? You really thought Jake Peavy would agree to a trade to the freaking White Sox?

YerMainGuy: We can't hit. We can't offer him any run support. We can't field. In terms of popularity, the Cubs are the machines from The Matrix and we are the small city of stragglers that the machines periodically invade and destroy.

YerMainGuy: Every player in our starting lineup is 48 years old. We play in the most boring stadium in the entire world. Our farm system is dragged out to the curb every Thursday morning.

YerMainGuy: Come on, man. You should have known better. Nobody wants to play here.

YerMainGuy: Hell, we're losing 20-0 right now.

WordUpThome: TODAY IS A TOUGH DAY TO BE A WHITED SOCK

WordUpThome: BUT THAT IS THE WAY THE DOOKIE CRUMBLES

WordUpThome: I SUPPOSE ONE DAY WE WILL BE ABLE TO SIGN A

GoldBonds: hey i love frigid weather and mediocre baseball, can i play for you guys

WordUpThome: HAHA NO