The image to the right is of White Sox slugger Carlos Quentin's leg breaking off at the foot and spraying the clubhouse with his highly-pressurized, inner goos.The word around orthopedic circles is that Quentin may need to wear special, theraputic shoes to correct leg-to-footal inaccuracies and keep him off the disabled list. You can't hear "guy needs to wear special shoes" and go to any other joke, so do not expect me to make that here. Instead, what follows is an empassioned discussion about gel inserts, and how they make the bottom of your feet feel great but squish the top of your foot into the top of your shoe.
This morning's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
 |
AtCarlosQuentin: I don't know, Mr. Bundy, I was just running to first and I felt a pop. |
|---|---|
 |
NoHermIntended: For the last time, I am not Al Bundy, I'm Herm Schneider, your head trainer. |
|
NoHermIntended: This is just another inflammation of your plantar fasciitis, and there are a couple of options. One, you can go on the disabled list... |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: what am I, a Met? No thank you. |
|
NoHermIntended: You could have a set of tank treads installed to signal the forthcoming of the post-apocalyptic world of Base Wars... |
|
NoHermIntended: ...or you could wear these theraputic shoes to correct the problem. |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: All I have to do is wear a pair of corrective shoes? Awesome! |
|
NoHermIntended: No, these shoes are a monkeys paw... with them comes a horrible catch. |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: I play for the White Sox, Herm, I know all about horrible catches! Give it to me straight. |
|
NoHermIntended: wearing special shoes opens you up to a nonstop river of Forrest Gump parodies and reference. |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: What do you mean? |
|
NoHermIntended: have you ever seen the motion picture "Forrest Gump"... wait, hold on, this will be easier. Jim Thome has worn the shoes for years. |
|
NoHermIntended: Hey, Jim! |
 |
WordUpThome: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI |
|
WordUpThome: JIM THOME |
|
NoHermIntended: How are you enjoying your theraputic shoes? |
|
WordUpThome: MY MOTHER REFERRED TO THEM IN A CERTAIN SENSE AS "MAGIC SHOES," AND INFERRED THAT THEY COULD IN A CERTAIN SENSE TAKE ME ANYWHERE |
|
NoHermIntended: See. |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: Huh. Yeah maybe I should save myself the embarrassment of moon shoes and just spend the weekend propped up in a foot spa. |
|
NoHermIntended: Jim, do you think Carlos should go on the disabled list? |
|
WordUpThome: "NO MA'AM" |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: snicker |
|
NoHermIntended: oh I hate you guys |
| **Online Host** NoHermIntended has left the chatroom. A toilet can be heard flushing, followed by loud cheers. |
|
|
AtCarlosQuentin: So these shoes really work, huh? |
|
WordUpThome: CORRECTAMONGO, THESE BLUES-SHOES GIVE ME THE STANDING ABILITY I NEED TO WALK AND MOVE |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: And we already made the Forrest Gump joke, right? So that's pretty much all there is going to be of that. Right? |
|
WordUpThome: PRETTY MUCH |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: Right, because where else could we even go with it? |
|
WordUpThome: I DON'T KNOW MAN |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: Okay, then. /puts on corrective shoes |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: What is the pump on the front for? |
|
WordUpThome: FOR STYLE |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: and the little lights on the back? |
|
WordUpThome: SO OTHERS MAY WATCH YOU WALKING IN THE DARK |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /walks around, tries them out |
|
WordUpThome: /stares |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: Yep. |
|
WordUpThome: YEP |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: .... |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /is struck in back of head with rock |
 |
RundlesGood: /pulls up to U.S. Cellular Field on 10-speed bike |
 |
ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: HEY STUPID /throws additional rock |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /collapses |
 |
BenFranciscoGiants: hey look, fellas, this guy is wearing weird shoes! let's run over him in our old timey truck! |
|
WordUpThome: RUN FOREST, RUN AWAY FROM THEM |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /tries to run away, is hindered by enormous shoes |
|
WordUpThome: RUN FOREST RUN FOREST RUN FOREST RUN FOREST RUN FOREST |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: aaah my name isn't Forrest! |
|
RundlesGood: y'hear that boys? This guy's name is Forrest! |
|
BenFranciscoGiants: argh that pisses me off I want to listen to "The Twist" by Chubby Checker and murder this man |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /runs away |
| **Online Host** A magical song begins to play |
|
|
AtCarlosQuentin: I'm doing it! I'm doing it! /strides become wider now, pace quickens |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /corrective shoes break off and fly away in slow motion |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /experiences mild discomfort |
|
AtCarlosQuentin: /goes on the 15 day DL |
|
WordUpThome: OH GREAT NOW WHO WILL DRINK THE PRESIDENTS DOCTORED PEPPERS |
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
5-28-2009 @ 7:39AM
Mike Fireball said...
What a fantastic Dugout.
Ahaha “RundlesGood.”
Reply
5-28-2009 @ 11:34AM
Donut King said...
JI
JIM THOME THE SOLID TEAMED MATE!
Reply
5-28-2009 @ 10:30PM
JumpinJesuits said...
Jon Bois, if you're reading these comments, please make a mockup of Twitter for the Orioles (like Wahoo! Messenger for the Indians) except have it be Wieter and the bird be an oriole of course.
Just an idea for the dude's coming out tomorrow, and for successive Orioles posts from now on?
Reply