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- Jon Bois
- Jon Bois is a FanHouse Blogger
In case you've been living under a rock for the past 17.2 innings,
Dontrelle Willis is back. That frenetic, majestic delivery of his, which you see to the right, was a piece of Major League Baseball canon when he pitched for the
Marlins. It was as
Bob Gibson as one can get in this decade.
To understand the real-life resurgence of D-Train, I strongly suggest you read
Andrew Johnson's piece. To understand his place in the history of The Dugout, I suggest you read
our Wikipedia entry. Good Lord, I'm glad he's back.
Your battle rap of a Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Detroit Tigers Chat!
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez: back in '08 the experts was anointin'
us like we was the baby jesus in the buntin'
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez: and it didn't even matter if we were swinging or buntin'
we fell in the standings like we was straight up nothin'
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez: this is a rap, so i'm s'posed to say i'm frontin'
but no f***in' way, i was straight up huntin'
and gruntin'
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez: an' behavin'
like the AL CENTRAL LITTER
DEAD LIKE JOHN RITTER
LOOKIN' LIKE QUITTERS
DOWN IN THE CELLAR
YOU KNOW HELLEN KELLER
COULN'VE
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez:
taught us how to recognize water from a faucet
we lost it
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood:
and you know i tried to toss it
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood:
straighter than steve fossett
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood:
but i wrecked into the mountains
and you know my bones was rottin'
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood:
by the time the feds found 'em
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood:
and then the sox were oustin'
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GotMeOnMyKnees: US FROM THE STANDIN'S
you know it got me rantin'
you know it got me pantin'
well maybe it was the smoke
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GotMeOnMyKnees: cause i smoke the PALL MALLS
when i called the ROLL CALL
i thought i'd kill ALL Y'ALL
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GotMeOnMyKnees: cause ALL i asked ya was to HAUL the BALL as i CALL an' keep it from the WALL
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GotMeOnMyKnees: but y'all just STALLED
and when ya didn't i didn't BAWL, i took a DRAW from some FALLS city and then i CALLED...
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GotMeOnMyKnees: give a beat to my man right here, give a beat to my man right here
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood: a boomboomboom
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez:
a boombamboom
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MeTrain: ...
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OhComeLetUsOrdonez: aw damn it's the train
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GotMeOnMyKnees: aw s***
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MrRobertsonsNeighborhood: oh no is this a rap album, is it time for an impromptu sketch
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MeTrain: ...
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MeTrain: ...
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MeTrain: ...
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MeTrain: the dontrelle willis, the mothaf***in illest
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MeTrain: the mothaf***in realist
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MeTrain: an y'all can feel this
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MeTrain: if ya want to or if ya dont
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MeTrain:
it aint make a dent to me anyway
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MeTrain:
i spent last season in triple A
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MeTrain:
coulda spent that s*** in tripoli
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MeTrain:
aint give a f*** what you say
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MeTrain:
thered be hell to pay
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MeTrain:
cause my leg kick high to the milky way
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MeTrain:
ya cant hold my ERA
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MeTrain:
you seen my commercials for united way
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MeTrain:
wait naw!
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MeTrain:
/clears throat
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MeTrain:
that was the boys an' girls club, i hate to snub, y'all want me to lob at some snob, sink him like suds in a tub when i pull the plug? you want him to say *glug* or rub-a-dub-dub? want him to whiff like a chicago cub? cut him like wolverine, call him 'bub'? eat him up like fenway grub? splice him out like a USB hub? burn his castle like im the Dread Pirate Rob? pretend to burn his castle like the Dread Pirate Rob? twist his f***in strike zone like it's a f***in knob? who carry a club an' think he Roy Hobbs, i bust him in his knob like i'm bob
GIBSON
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MeTrain: yeah i tempt some
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MeTrain: to swing some
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MeTrain: in 2009 cause
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MeTrain: i can take it to nine cous'
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MeTrain:
I'M BACK MOTHAF***AS
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MeTrain: an' if theres nothin else to say
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MeTrain: besides all this ecstasy
ya just heard
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MeTrain: just know that the train knows fame an if i drain my fame it dont matter, cause my aim still the same
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MeTrain: an' if ya trade the train then ya trade ya brain
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MeTrain: /drops mic
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Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
w0rd.
I would pay real, actual money to see this performed by the players.
LUUUKE Scott tonight wasn't too impressed with his ERA or high leg kick.
Also, Jon Bois, if you're reading the comments, please make a mockup of Twitter for the Orioles (like Wahoo! Messenger for the Indians) except have it be Wieter and the logo bird be an oriole of course.
Just an idea with Wieters up now, and for successive Orioles posts from now on?
Not a realistic expectation here . . . but what if Matt Wieters ends up more-or-less like Kevin Millar? I mean . . . really. Even Jesus wasn't anointed King this damn quickly.
/removes self from soapbox
Is anyone else frightened that the "Related Articles" on the web has a fanfiction for a Japanese pop group (maybe? I don't know, I'm not _that_ dorky) for this Dugout???
How pleasant! An ode to Dontrelle Willis.
Let's all hope he returns to form.
How pleasant. An ode to Dontrelle Willis.
Let's hope he returns to form. I'm rooting for the son of a gun, 'cause I like him and I'm all for more "trade the train and you trade your brain" punning.