The Dugout: Blue Birds

My first thought when I read that Khalil Greene went on the disabled list with "extreme butterflies," where his highs are too high and his lows are too low, was to laugh. My second thought, a few moments later, was "oh man, this guy is exactly like me."

So this Dugout took a few different forms. At first it was Khalil Greene being followed around by a little black raincloud that struck him with lightning from time to time. Then it was about him in high school, giving himself ulcers worrying about second year Spanish. Then it was about him in the future talking to his grandson about the anxieties of baseball, but I scrapped that because who would think THAT was a good idea.

Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	GlausManagerie: So I'm thinking about dressing up as Travis Hafner for Halloween.
	SonOfJorEl: what is the costume for travis hafner?
	GlausManagerie: well, it looks exactly like me, only I'm in the American League and I've never come close to a championship ring.
	SonOfJorEl: why don't you go as the evil jew lawyer from the wire?
	GlausManagerie: I can't, I dress up as him every other day of my life
	Online Host There is a knock at the chatroom door.
	LaRussasOnFire: Knock knock /leans into room Everybody doing okay in here?
	SonOfJorEl: /fidgets nervously
	GlausManagerie: Yes sir Mr. LaRussa sir, we was just talking about Halloween costumes.
	LaRussasOnFire: That's all well and good, but you need to start talking about baseball. We need you back before the end of the season!
	GlausManagerie: I know Mr. LaRussa, we will.
	Online Host LaRussasOnFire has shut the chatroom door.
	GlausManagerie: Heh, do you want to talk about baseball?
	SonOfJorEl: what, did they find a more demeaning position for me than "utility infielder." is there a janitorial infielder
	GlausManagerie: Nah, we already have David Freese in that position. What's bugging you?
	SonOfJorEl: nothin
	GlausManagerie: C'monnn, I been sharing a bunk bed with you in this facility all week. I'm your Accountabilibuddy, you gotta talk to me.
	SonOfJorEl: sometimes, when i'm bad at baseball, i take it out on myself physically. that's the way it's always been /fumbles around with sharp end of butterfly broach
	SonOfJorEl: it's not rational. it's not something i think as an intelligent thinking human being... i understand the disorder of it, it just doesnt help
	GlausManagerie: Social anxiety disorder! Like Dontrelle Willis had! You wanna battle rap about it?
	SonOfJorEl: no
	GlausManagerie: Aw now you've gone and fronted, homeboy! Watch me spit! /eats handful of sunflower seeds
	SonOfJorEl: ...
	GlausManagerie: My name's Troy Glaus and I'm here to say! I don't use steroids in a MAJOR way!
	GlausManagerie: Too hot to handle! Too cold to hold! We called the Slumpbusters and we're in control! My fresh phat friend Khalil, too real to feel!
	GlausManagerie: Frownin' like he gots sliced apples up in his Happy Meal!
	SonOfJorEl: haha you are so dumb
	Online Host There is another knock on the chatroom door.
	MozeliakFirefox: I heard some commotion, is everything okay in here? Khalil, is everything okay? /leans into chatroom
	SonOfJorEl: /pushes hair in front of eyes
	MozeliakFirefox: Khalil, you know what we told you about hurting yourself. You aren't hurting yourself, are you?
	GlausManagerie: Nothing's wrong boss, me an' Khalil were just talking about rap music.
	MozeliakFirefox: Oh, rap music! I love rap music!
	GlausManagerie: Oh really, what's your favorite rap song
	SonOfJorEl: /snort
	MozeliakFirefox: I really love that song on the radio, "Boom Boom Pow" by Lil Wayne and MC Chris
	MozeliakFirefox: at least I think that is who sings it
	SonOfJorEl: /covers face with pillow
	GlausManagerie: Sorry for being so loud, Mr. Mozeliak, we'll try to keep it down.
	MozeliakFirefox: mmmokay, you boys get some rest tonight, we want you well before this season is over. You hear me?
	GlausManagerie: Yes sir, of course.
	MozeliakFirefox: well it looks like I'm 2000 and late! for a meeting, so lights out
	Online Host MozeliakFirefox has closed the chatroom door.
	SonOfJorEl: hahahahha mc chris, how does he even know who that is
	SonOfJorEl: being sick is the best
	GlausManagerie: aw, don't say that. Being sick ain't the best. Being sick sucks. Especially since what you have isn't the same as me.
	SonOfJorEl: what do you mean
	GlausManagerie: What you got is in here /circles head
	GlausManagerie: My shoulder doesn't seem to want to work no matter how I feel in here. /circles head
	GlausManagerie: You know how you want to die on the inside, and it keeps you from being able to do what you love? Imagine if you felt great on the inside, everything was perfect, but you still couldn't do it.
	GlausManagerie: You gotta relax, buddy. Sh** ain't so bad. The world turns. Sometimes the bastards get strangled, sometimes they don't. You know?
	SonOfJorEl: i know. i told you i dont understand it. but it isnt that easy
	GlausManagerie: The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.
	SonOfJorEl: /fidgets nervously
	GlausManagerie: Hey.
	SonOfJorEl: /traces scars on arms with fingertips
	GlausManagerie: We don't have to talk about this right now. We've got all season to get better. Right?
	GlausManagerie: My favorite rap song ever is "Lyrics of Fury" by Erc B & Rakim. What's yours?
	SonOfJorEl: ....
	GlausManagerie: Even Mozeliak has a favorite rap song, kid, and it's by Lil Wayne and MC Chris. You've gotta have one.
	SonOfJorEl: ....i dunno, maybe jesus walks by kanye west
	GlausManagerie: aaaahahahah what are you, ten
	SonOfJorEl: heh, yeah, maybe sometimes
	GlausManagerie: It's all right, man. Ten was a pretty good age to be.

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

5-31-2009 @ 6:36PM

pongisgod said...

Gorgeous.

5-31-2009 @ 7:19PM

Donut King said...

"SonOfJorEl: what, did they find a more demeaning position for me than 'utility infielder.' is there a janitorial infielder"

Oh, how brilliant! Solid effort!