The Dugout: How Manny Is 50

Manny Ramirez is in the news again for saying... well, I don't know. I haven't had a chance to make the news rounds yet, but I'm going to bet Manny spoke to reporters long enough to tell them that Jamie Hoffman or whoever has severe mental retardation and is therefore "not really a person," and how Manny should be starting in his place, suspension or no. Then two days later Manny apologizes, and we forgive him, because he is really, really good at baseball.

I find it a lot easier to forgive Manny Ramirez on the internet, where his sociological problems can be explained away as childlike innocence. Other things I enjoy doing on the Internet: making grown up millionaires talk like messed up babies, and posting today's Dugout, which is after the jump.

The Dugout

	MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play yet
	bud_is_wiser: No, not yet.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: /tucks front of XXXXL jersey into pants how bou now
	bud_is_wiser: No.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play dh, is barely even beisbol, i no feel or run or anything
	bud_is_wiser: No, you play in the National League. They don't use the DH.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play a ole-star gay
	bud_is_wiser: No, you're suspended. That wouldn't be fair to the real players.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: what if ppl vote for manny
	bud_is_wiser: Then we'll put a do-rag on Manny Corpas and let him play instead. You can't play baseball right now, just deal with it. You didn't want to play anymore anyway!
	MannyTheTorpedoes: what if manny went an play for clevelan indians, hit home run into dour city
	bud_is_wiser: No, right now the Indians are still technically a major league team.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: can i play for boson red sogs
	bud_is_wiser: Sure! Why not.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: i, uh
	MannyTheTorpedoes: no nevermine manny is suspented it woul no be fair
	MannyTheTorpedoes: can manny at lease be the funny dotcher in the chat room who make evrybody heart shine with laughter
	bud_is_wiser: Nope, you've already been replaced there, too.
	Online Host Meanwhile, in the Los Angeles Dodgers Chatroom...
	Pierrepants: Okay, I got one! What did the tree say to the baseball player!
	EthierOr: What?
	Pierrepants: Babe Root? Wait a minute, I messed it up
	CunningStults: Man, you are terrible at this.
	EthierOr: Yeah, but did you notice how scrappy that joke was? His comedic intangibles are great.
	Pierrepants: /steals two bases, befriends online community with mistimed knock knock joke
	Online Host Back in the MLB General Chatroom...
	MannyTheTorpedoes: oh come on budd why woan you let me do any thing
	bud_is_wiser: Because you were suspended for 50 games for violating our Performance Enhancing Drug policy.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: what happen happen, i talk to frank magort, i apologize. i spoag to joe, my tea mates, i am ready to move on
	MannyTheTorpedoes: i did no kill anybody, i did no rape anybody, so thats it, i just gonna come and play the gay
	MannyTheTorpedoes: rape an murder are the only thing i shoul ever be discipline for
	MannyTheTorpedoes: is not like i compare you to adolf hitler the man, say that you concentrate on jews an make holocosts, perhap that would be groun for suspention
	MannyTheTorpedoes: rape, murder, callin you adolf hitler the man an maybe steeling if i steeled somethin big like a gar
	MannyTheTorpedoes: i just gonna come and play the gay
	bud_is_wiser: Nope, you aren't going to do either of those things, you're going to stay at home and watch cartoons and keep thinking up dumb things to say so people will write about you.
	Online Host bud_is_wiser has signed off the chatroom.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: aw
	MannyTheTorpedoes: papi what has happen to our hood, all the ol red sogs player havin troubles. manny is suspented...
	OrtizItThisOne: I'm doing so badly I've been bumped down to 11th in the lineup. Francona has me batting behind Wally.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: even papelbom is messin up
	KingOfPap: no im still jawsome
	MannyTheTorpedoes: o
	KingOfPap: u wan play spies
	MannyTheTorpedoes: k
	OrtizItThisOne: That sounds like fun! I'll play, too.
	KingOfPap: ok manny me n u play the good spies, papi u play terrible bench spy

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

6-12-2009 @ 4:38PM

Donut King said...

Papelbon took that ending and put the settings on SCORCH!

6-13-2009 @ 4:21AM

YO jawsh said...

U think as a yid and my afro friend and I beleive that for one fakachta ******* second give us jews and negros a break. there is a scientific reason why jews luv kesiv and white girls luv negros... I must remain confidential all i can say I work and do research at the Mao clinic in rochester. basically our research has identified that 90% of white females that graduated from 2001-2008 hsve had intercourse with at least 1 afronegro male. given 59& white alpha males have had relations with 38% white females. Not that this research really means anything to the students at brown but it was done. thank you to mtv,bet,and brown university.

6-13-2009 @ 6:19AM

robertokaye said...

wat

6-13-2009 @ 8:35AM

Jason said...

Who the hell is that "YO jawsh" guy?

He sounds like the Dugout's Kyle Farnsworth in the flesh.

6-13-2009 @ 9:26AM

RACENDIRT said...

Can you get off Manny's back already? It's getting very old. Funny how the people with no talent feel empowered to degrade those that do. To slam someone from another country because of their dialect is in poor taste.

6-13-2009 @ 10:04AM

vagabondnicholas said...

uh... have you ever read The Dugout before? No? Then you should probably rethink your previous statement.

6-13-2009 @ 8:31PM

Echoing vagabondnicholas here . . . The Dugout is, in some respects, kinda like Spaceballs in that it's a parody. Humor is intended, malice is not.

Yeesh, how many times has this happened since the move to Fanhouse? It's friggin' crazy how stupid some folks are around here, and most of it surrounds the inability of people to take a joke.

6-13-2009 @ 9:54PM

Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price said...

Boy, I'm glad you guys are on AOL now. The comments really add to the bits.

6-14-2009 @ 1:17AM

Goldie said...

Its been too long a time since all these guys played 'Spies' together.
I wanna play too!!!!!

6-15-2009 @ 6:07AM

The only thing missing from this Dugout was a Fresh Prince Joke.

And, agreed, "Reasonable Doubt...", the inane comments from newbie fans really do add to the bits.