TheRandyHendicksExperience: Hey Rog, the New York Times just called. They want to know if you've ever going to officially retire.

OldLOL: ehhhhhhhhhhhh

TheRandyHendicksExperience: Come on, I need an answer. I'm your agent.

OldLOL: that's my answer, my answer is, "ehhhhhhhhhhhh"

OldLOL: and make sure they spell it with twelve "h"s

last time i talked to those neolib yellow journalists, they only typed out seven "h"s

TheRandyHendicksExperience: Will do.

Hey, what hat are you wearing?

OldLOL: it's an adidas hat

TheRandyHendicksExperience: Wait, did we negotiate an endorsement contract with Adidas? I don't remember setting that up.

OldLOL: actually i acted as my own agent and used my business skills to leverage a deal

TheRandyHendicksExperience: How much?

OldLOL: negative-fifteen dollars

OldLOL: when you type up the press release, make sure to note that the Champs Sports in the mall was responsible for making this groundbreaking two-figure deal a reality

TheRandyHendicksExperience: guh

OldLOL: oh, and hey! i was thinking about writing a book

TheRandyHendicksExperience: What? Do you even know how to write?

OldLOL: i think i've got a good grasp on it, yeah

OldLOL: i just watched this video like twenty times in a row, so i think i'm set

TheRandyHendicksExperience: As your agent, I have to insist that you not write a book.

OldLOL: why not

TheRandyHendicksExperience: Because it will sell 401 copies. 400 will be sold to sportswriters who have to read it because it's their job.

One copy will be sold to some lameass in an airport bookstore who looks at your book, looks at the current issue of Stuff Magazine, ultimately decides to buy them both, and throws up the rock and roll horns.

OldLOL: hell yeah that guy sounds like a pretty cool bro

TheRandyHendicksExperience: You also have to consider the very real possibility that the publisher will make the title a 30-word run-on sentence, and that the cover will look like circus vomit.

TheRandyHendicksExperience: They couldn't get permission to feature the Yankees logo, so he ends up wearing a helmet with "33" Photoshopped onto it and looking like a complete doofus.

OldLOL: do you think they could photoshop me into a werewolf

TheRandyHendicksExperience: /bangs head against desk

OldLOL: come on, just give me a chance. i've already written the first chapter, want to see?

TheRandyHendicksExperience: no

OldLOL:

IT WAS THE WORLD SERIES.. Roger Clemens stood uponst the mound like a king on his throne. But this was not a throne, it was only a mound (pitcher's mound).

OldLOL:

His arsenal? A fastball fast as the Mexican guy from Mighty Ducks 2. A curveball that makes hitters so confused that they barf. A sinker that makes the wolf howl at the moon.

OldLOL:

Roger kicked back and threw the ball into the butt-night sky. Suddenly: AL QAEDA INVADED THE UNITED STATES! Roger knew it was Time to Kick Butt. He

**OnlineHost** TheRandyHendicksExperience has left the chat room.

OldLOL: aww

OldLOL: i was almost to the part where mike piazza is eaten by bears

OldLOL: hmm

note to self: are the bears terrorists?

OldLOL: note to self: bearrorists?