The Dugout: The Left Fifth Metacarpal is a Stupid Bone Anyway

Jeff Bennett is notable for two reasons. First off, he's the unfortunate subject of the most unflattering photograph ever taken (see image right). Second, on Wednesday, he sucker-punched a dugout wall, broke his left fifth metacarpal, and returned to the mound to pitch another full inning.

The fracture didn't seem to adversely affect Bennett's performance. Which begs the question: how many times have you thought, "wow, I sure am glad I have a fifth metacarpal behind the pinky finger of my non-dominant hand! What a wonderful skeletal feature!" I never have. What a worthless bone.

Friday's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Yankees-Braves Chat!
	BobbyCoxer: Bennett! Get in there.
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: oh, I wasn't paying attention, what's the situation
	BobbyCoxer: Top of the sixth, two out. Jeter's on third, Damon's on second, Teixeira's on first, and A-Rod is at the plate. Haven't you been watching?
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: pffft, this is turner field, nobody's watching the game
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: any advice?
	BobbyCoxer: Yeah. Just don't let A-Rod score on you.
	JetersNeverProsper: i agree completely, i can't stress that enough
	JetersNeverProsper: if that happens, it's this big months-long blur, and all of a sudden you wake up and you're arguing with him over whether coffee mugs are dishwasher-safe, and of COURSE they're dishwasher-safe, because you've put coffee mugs in the dishwasher a million times, but no, he says, ceramics must be hand-washed, and you say, "fine, fine, i'll hand-wash the coffee mug," and you put it on the bottom rack because the top rack is full, and you'd think that you just scuttled the Exxon Valdez or something, because he just goes crazy and asks you why you think it's appropriate to put a mug on the bottom rack, and you point out that first of all, the top rack is full, and second of all, the dishware is ceramic, and dishware goes on the bottom rack, and then he says, "well, i'm glad you rehearsed this conversation in advance," and you say, "no i didn't, what are you talking about," and he says, "you're so smart, aren't you? you're just like the wheelchair scientist, aren't you?" and i say, "you know what, you're completely right, i'm sorry," but the prior conversation gives him enough interpersonal capital to launch into this BIG LONG DIATRIBE about how, by the way, you forgot our fifteen-week anniversary, and
	BobbyCoxer: /stares
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: /stares
	JetersNeverProsper: sigh sorry
	JetersNeverProsper: /stands on third base, pretends to know who Chipper Jones is
	OnlineHost Jeff Bennett has entered the game.
	ster_rod: WAS JEET TALKINK TO JOO DID HE TELL JOO ABOUT THE COFFEE MUCK
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: uh
	JetersNeverProsper: /shakes head fervently, makes "cut it out" gesture
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: um, no, i have never spoken to derek jeter before
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: in fact, i don't even know what a "coffee mug" is, is that a dinosaur jr. album or something, who knows
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: /probably hangs a slider or something
	ster_rod: /swings
	OnlineHost Alex Rodriguez singles and drives in two runs.
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: /stomps back to dugout
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: stupid stupid stupid stupid
	BobbyCoxer: Sorry, kid, I put you in a tough situation.
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: it's my own stupid fault
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: you know what the problem is, i have TOO MANY FREAKING BONES
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: i mean honestly, there are so many bones in my stupid skeleton
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: granted, i probably need my skull, my ribcage, at least one of my femurs
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: but i mean, take my fifth left metacarpal for instance
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: why did the evolutionary process give me a pinky-finger metacarpal? so i could do dr. evil impersonations? how did that benefit early hominids?
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: yeah, you know what, this bone is bulls*** /punches wall
	OnlineHost Jeff Bennett has broken his left fifth metacarpal.
	BobbyCoxer: WHY DID YOU DO THAT, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO DR. EVIL IMPERSONATIONS
	BobbyCoxer: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ENTERTAIN GUESTS AT PARTIES IN THE YEAR 1997
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: i don't need no fifth left metacarpal to do the macarena, and i certainly don't need it to tell timothy mcveigh jokes
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: now watch this
	OnlineHost Welcome to Top of the 7th Chat!
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: /takes mound with broken metacarpal
	OnlineHost Jeff Bennett completes the inning and gives up only one run.
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: see? i told you i didn't need that many bones
	TheBravesWinTheBennett: how many bones does the human body have, anyway?
	ster_rod: I HAVF 206
	JetersNeverProsper: /wink
	ster_rod: NOW I HAVF 207
	BobbyCoxer: interleague baseball is the worst thing that has ever happened