The All-Star Game rosters were announced Sunday, and both the American League and National League rosters seem to be missing some names. Baseball fans unwittingly exhibited the follies of the democratic process when they failed to vote for guys like Adam Lind, Kevin Millwood, and Adam Dunn.

Of course, All-Star snubs are an annual ritual. All told, the rosters aren't bad. In today's Dugout, it's revealed that they could have been far, far worse. Read it after the jump.




AMERICAN LEAGUE

C - Sandy Koufax

1B - Mitch Williams

2B - Jesus

3B - God

SS - 1988 Geo Metro with power windows

OF - The dead guy from The Beatles

OF - That one wheelchair scientist

OF - Kelly Gruber

P - Jesus again

P - God again

P - An interesting conversation you had with your aunt about the merits of gas stoves vs. electric stoves

P - Tim Spooneybarger

P - A 9/11 Truther who is glaring at you and reaching for his Bowie knife

P - Rich Garces

P - Chinese guy who stood in front of that tank and WOULDN'T MOVE, you should have seen it, it was nuts, he was like "I'm not freaking moving you bozo," oh mannnn

P - Goodland, Kansas

P - The satisfaction of a job well done

P - Hamid Karzai's silly hat

P - Babe Ruth

P - Guy who does passable Borat impression

P - Copy of "2 Fast 2 Furious" that will never come out on Laserdisc, no matter how long you wait

BN - Ken Griffey, Junior

BN - Junior Felix

BN - Felix Jose

BN - Jose Cruz, Junior

BN - Junior Ortiz

BN - An old woman who has just been informed that her house has burned down

BN - Duidfvbhalkvbjal;b

BN - Shoebox filled with regret

BN - Terrible ska cover of "Tangled Up In Blue"

BN - Lloyd Moseby

BN - Audiobook of "The Giving Tree" that was recently stolen from Jim Thome's locker

BN - Well-constructed tool shed

BN - Poorly-constructed tool shed


NATIONAL LEAGUE

C - Bruce Hurst

1B - Man eating a Baconator and weeping softly

2B - Kid who's only allowed to listen to Christian rap

3B - George Bell

SS - Jay Bell

OF - Stringer Bell

OF - Person hypothesizing that Albert Pujols is more like "Albert Poo-holes"

OF - Jeff Hostetler

P - Y2K-compliant prison shank

P - Unrepentant immigrant

P - Guy who is too upset over the death of Steve McNair to throw a deceptive splitter

P - Homer Bailey

P - Tommy Hanson

P - TRAPPED IN AN ALL-STAR BALLOT FACTORY, PLEASE SEND HELP

P - Terry Pendleton

P - Hello Mr. Selig I don't know if you are reading this. My name is Josh and I am 13 years old. My favorite player is Jake Peavy. I am above average and better than most of my teammates. I'm a pitcher just like Jake Peavy. Am I eligible for the draft. Sincerely, Josh. P.S. Im not bragging Im really good.

P - Time-traveling Stan Musial

P - Zombie Stan Musial

P - Re-animated Stan Musial

P - Stan Musial, in a "Weekend at Bernie's" sort of way

P - Whichever beast or man of the Earth that Stan Musial reincarnated as

BN - A reasonable facsimile of Stan Musial

BN - Stan Musial

BN - Holographic Stan Musial

BN - Anyone who can sit in the dugout and do the Wilhelm Scream over and over

BN - The sidekick on "Reading Rainbow," if such a person did indeed exist

BN - Kenny Powers

BN - Mets fan telling Pirates fan that it's tough to be a Mets fan

BN - Man unhealthily obsessing over Kyle Davies

BN - Man healthily obsessing over Kyle Davies

BN - The urge to Twitter your unique and prescient thoughts on Michael Jackson

BN - Sippy cup filled with Creatine

BN - Food processor. How's a food processor gonna play the baseball? I ain't even know!

BN - Andruw Jones