Please Mr. President, Bring the Heater

Not to alarm you, but Barack Obama better come through Tuesday night or it might be time to renounce your citizenship and move to Liechtenstein.

Obama is throwing out the first pitch at the All-Star Game. I think I speak for all Americans when I say we need to see a fastball across the plate.

OK, maybe I don't speak for all Americans. You may not see the relation between throwing a strike and rescuing the economy.

It's a matter of confidence. How can the public have faith if we think our leader is a closet dork?

"Americans want their president to be a real man," Joe Scarborough said.

The MSNBC host said that after the president's most famous foray into athletics. Candidate Obama was trying to show the voters of Altoona, Pa., what a regular guy he was. So he went bowling during campaign stop and came back with a black eye.

"How can you keep our jobs from going overseas when you can't keep the ball out of the gutter?" Jon Stewart asked.

Obama rolled up his sleeves and scored a 37. Out of 300.



Where was the Nike Video Confiscation Team when we needed it? You know Osama bin Laden must have YouTubed it in his cave and thought, "Sheesh, I'm worried about this guy?"

It doesn't matter that Obama is probably the best presidential basketball player since Abraham Lincoln. Gerald Ford was the MVP of Michigan's football team and probably the best athlete to occupy the Oval Office. A few errant tee shots and Chevy Chase skits turned him into Mr. Magoo.

It's all about image, and Obama's could use a shot of adrenaline. His stimulus package has so far missed the plate. Iran and North Korea are kicking sand in his face. His teleprompter broke on Monday.

I'm not here to endorse or deride any political party, person or philosophy. I just think any country is better off when its leader isn't the last guy who'd be picked in PE class.

I'll throw out a few names. What comes to mind?

-- Teddy Roosevelt: Rough Rider. Butt kicker. Harvard boxing champ. If TR were alive today, he'd personally be leading the hunt for Bin Laden.

-- William Taft: The first president to throw out a first pitch. The last president you'd want to leave unattended at buffet.

-- John Kerry: Windsurfed his way out of the presidency.

-- Richard Nixon: Laid the foundation for Spygate.

-- Jimmy Carter: Running on empty.

The photo of Carter conking out during a road race doomed his presidency. Or maybe it was 18 percent inflation. Either way, America lost faith in the guy.

Now we're starting to see that with Obama. Hopefully he found the time to practice his pitching delivery between G8 sessions last week, because it's not easy to throw a strike.

When Carl Lewis tried before a Mariners game a few years ago. He looked like Barney Frank trying to throw a shot put. And this guy was the "World's Greatest Athlete."


Perhaps the worst first pitch ever came in Tokyo last year via Mariah Carey's right arm. The high heels and tight-tight shorts probably didn't help, but the ball went straight into the turf and rolled to home plate.

For some reason I keep getting Mark Mallory flashbacks. Cincinnati's mayor became a national punch line when his first pitch on Opening Day 2007 missed the plate by 30 feet.

Do we want Al-Jazeera to get the kind of tape of Obama?

As much as it would pain his advisors, Obama should ask George W. Bush for advice. Say what you will about his terrorist surveillance program, everybody agrees Bush came through on the mound.

The big moment came before Game 3 of the 2001 World Series at Yankee Stadium. The nation was still reeling from 9/11. Bush had to wear a bulletproof vest in case Keith Olbermann showed. He threw a strike Randy Johnson would have been proud of.

Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Whigs -- we all needed that. Now it's Obama's turn to take the mound.

Please, please put one across the plate. The last thing we need is for our president to throw like Mariah Carey.