The Dugout: Rise of the Machines

Posted Jul 24, 2009 7:30PM By Jon Bois (RSS feed)

Google has rendered private detectives largely unnecessary. The video game revolution has brought tough times upon jump rope manufacturers. And now, as Lackey reports, a pair of baseball-playing robots have been built. Yes, it's only a matter of time before today's baseball players are disenfranchised for the benefit of a weird-looking arm thing that sits on a table and chucks a baseball.

More to the point, though: never, ever let bots into chat rooms. Your Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OnlineHost Welcome to Kansas City Royals Chat!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ooh ooh look at me im mark burly
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /throws chess set across room
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: look i just threw a perfect game
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /throws Michael Jackson's "Invincible" across room
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ooh look at me i just threw a no hitter
	TreyHillMix: Kyle, knock it off.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i can hurl the dead cow spferoid as well as that velcro faced fyord dweller
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wheres my f***en parade why isnt president coltrane callen me up an congratulaten me
	TreyHillMix: Because you can't go an entire game without allowing a baserunner. You can't even go an entire pitch without allowing a baserunner.
	TreyHillMix: Your ERA is listed as "Pre-Cambrian."
	TreyHillMix: By the way, it seems as though Kyle Davies was eaten by wolves in AAA-Omaha, so I'm bringing in an arm to replace him long-term. Say hello to our new bot!
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what the f***, is this optimus primes penis
	TreyHillMix: It's a robotic arm! From Japan!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh no what did you do with the rest of hideo nomo nevermind dont care
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well say somethen
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /stares
	BOT: KYLE FARNSWORTH, There are four women in Kansas City who want to meet you. Click Here!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what
	BOT: Area Mom Lost 25 Pounds By Obeying This 1 Simple Rule!
	JoakimBackKotter: Coach, did you just let a bot into our chat room?
	TreyHillMix: Well, yeah.
	JoakimBackKotter: Why?
	TreyHillMix: It had a convincing story! It said that a local dad in Kansas City made $88 an hour! Right after that, it said that another local dad in Kansas City made $6,000 a month!
	TreyHillMix: It also asked me whether I thought Obama was doing a good job. I was flattered that it wanted to hear my opinion, and I couldn't help myself!
	JoakimBackKotter: oh my God this is an adbot, what have you done
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: pfffffft
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: whoa WHOA GIVE ME IT
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: WHO THINKS I'M IDIOT IPOD /click click click
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: OKAY
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: I WILL COINS AAAAAAHH
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ha
	BOT:
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: WHA RINGTONES /click click click click click
	JoakimBackKotter: These things aren't actually for real, are they?
	OlivoSudden: Of Course They Are! I Make $2 Million A Year Working From Home!