 |
WakaMole: you talkin to me? Are you talking to me? /looks around |
|
WakaMole: Forget about it! Forget about it! Forget it! |
 |
HoistByHisOwnBedard: haha, look at your face, spot-on De Niro. Who else can you do? |
|
WakaMole: I do an okay Charles Bronson, but it comes out sounding like the Charles Bronson impression they do on the Simpsons. Oh! I can do Brando |
|
WakaMole: /rubs chin with back of fingers, <----- makes this face
|
|
WakaMole: "Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, consider this justice a gift on my daughter's wedding day." |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: the service for you isn't going to be "playing for an entire season," is it |
|
WakaMole: No, don't worry, I didn't take a job coaching the Mariners expecting anybody to play for an ENTIRE season |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: why DID you take this job? |
|
WakaMole: it beats my old job, coaching bench for the Oakland Athletics. |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: What was so bad about that? |
|
WakaMole: I don't know, but "coaching Ken Griffey Jr." is the only job a guy can get with "wiped up blood from wherever Frank Thomas briefly sat" on his resume |
|
WakaMole: but hey, we're doing pretty good, right? Four games over .500? |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: no, no, you're doing great, it's good to finally work with someone who knows more about baseball than an accident-prone plush moose |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: that's what I wanted to talk to you about |
|
WakaMole: /puts orange in mouth, makes humorous faces for the children |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: I've got inflammation in my shoulder again, so I was thinking you guys should trade me and make a run at the AL West |
|
WakaMole: put it in conversational context |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: ... with a few good moves the Mariners "coulda been a contender," so you should make someone "an offer they can't refuse" and trade me |
|
WakaMole: "forget about that!" |
|
WakaMole: but no, we aren't going to trade you, per order of the general manager. In fact, we're going to keep you in the starting rotation, even when you don't pitch |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: What? Why? That doesn't make any sense |
|
WakaMole: the front office has decided to run the Seattle Mariners like a casual fan's fantasy team |
|
WakaMole: we take Ichiro in the first round, Felix Hernandez in the second, and then fill out the rest of the lineup with players who were good several years ago when we paid more attention, like Ken Griffey Jr. and Adrian Beltre |
|
WakaMole: I mean, how the hell else do you think we ended up with Mike Sweeney? |
|
WakaMole: then we lose interest after the first few weeks, stop checking back in, and then laugh about how bad we were at the end of the season |
|
WakaMole: but you're right, we're in third place right now, because Yahoo told us "Russell Branyan" was the top rated player remaining and we took him because it was getting late and people were taking too long to pick |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: so you aren't going to trade me? |
|
WakaMole: well we're gonna try |
|
WakaMole: we find a girl in the league and really lowball her, send her something like |
| |
**Online Host**
Hey Kim Ng,
This trade has been proposed to you in Major League Baseball 2009 (39541).
Seattle Mariners
P Erik Bedard
[ view trade ]
Los Angeles Dodgers
P Clayton Kershaw
OF Manny Ramirez
|
|
WakaMole: and we write her a note about how we just really love Clayton Kershaw and we included Manny in the trade to "make it fair for us" |
|
WakaMole: if anyone offers us a trade we react defensively, immediately rejecting it, assuming they are trying to trick us |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: that's terrible |
|
WakaMole: yeah well how do you think we got the Baltimore Orioles to trade us their Cy Young caliber ace for a bunch of scrubs and prospects |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: yeah I saw Adam Jones in the All-Star game, how is that working out for you |
|
WakaMole: pretty good, we turned a 40 game under .500 ball club into divisional contenders and Baltimore is 18.5 games back with no hope for the future and one guy on the all-star team |
|
WakaMole: soooo |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: are you sure you don't want to trade me? To like, the Mets? |
|
WakaMole: we want to run the Mariners like a casual fan's fantasy team, not like a hydrocephalic kid with a hatchet |
|
WakaMole: I already told you, the word came down from Jack Zduriencik, we're supposed to back off and give you time to recover, and then be happy to have you in the stretch |
|
WakaMole: Jack would've come into the chatroom to tell you himself, but nobody I talked to knew how to pronounce "Zduriencik" well enough to pun it |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: does Jack do any impressions |
|
WakaMole: No, but he looks exactly like the Superfriends version of Lex Luthor |
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: appropriate, I guess |
|
WakaMole: hold on a second, I'm sending out a trade |
| |
**Online Host**
Hey Mark Shapiro,
This trade has been proposed to you in Major League Baseball 2009 (39541).
Seattle Mariners
P single-A prospect with a 2-6 record
[ view trade ]
Cleveland Indians
OF Grady Sizemore
OF Shin-Soo Choo
C Victor Martinez
P Cliff Lee
P Fausto Carmona
|
|
HoistByHisOwnBedard: hahaha |
|
WakaMole: lol yeah I figured I'd give it a shot |
|
WakaMole: AHHHH HE ACCEPTED IT LOLOLOLOL |
|
WakaMole: wait, ew, why did I ask for Fausto Carmona |
This handsome devil, former Vice President Dick Cheney pitcher Erik Bedard, is on the disabled list again, this time because of inflammation in his left shoulder. Wikipedia tells me that about half of the letters in Erik Bedard's name are supposed to have accent marks over them, but I don't know how to put an accent over a capital E. The Mariners are hanging in there in the AL West and even closer to a Wild Card, so losing one of their top pitchers right here in the middle of the season when they can't use him or trade him is tough.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-28-2009 @ 12:43AM
Donut King said...
"WakaMole: Jack would've come into the chatroom to tell you himself, but nobody I talked to knew how to pronounce "Zduriencik" well enough to pun it"
Damnit, I KNEW it!
Reply