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**Online Host**
Welcome to the New York Mets Post-Press Conference Chatroom! |
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JeffWillPwn: Omar, tell us what you did wrong. |
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OmarGoodness: awww /breathes heavily, tries to stop hands from shaking |
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JeffWillPwn: Omar, everyone is waiting. Tell everybody what you did wrong today. |
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OmarGoodness: I shouldn't have messed up the press conference |
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JeffWillPwn: By? |
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OmarGoodness: ...by accusing Adam Rubin of reporting news to try to further his career as a news reporter. I shouldn't have said that |
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JeffWillPwn: and? |
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OmarGoodness: ...and by being a 50-year old multi-millionaire who resorts to "YOUR JUST JEALOUS" with the improper conjugation of "you're" when confronted |
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OmarGoodness: and I shouldn't have accused Rubin of living in his parents basement when I know he has a nice room at his Mom's house |
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JeffWillPwn: very good. What should you have done instead? |
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OmarGoodness: I should have said "Tony Bernazard has been fired" and stared emotionlessly ahead while flash bulbs went off and people went MR MINAYA MR MINAYA until we cut to the next scene |
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JeffWillPwn: which would've been? |
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OmarGoodness: everyone packing and leaving at the end of September, because we couldn't even wait that long to collapse out of nowhere this year |
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JeffWillPwn: Very good. Now, Tony, do you know what YOU did wrong? |
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BuildingABernazard: i shouldn't oughta have took off my shirt and challenged minor leaguers to shootfight me |
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JeffWillPwn: And? |
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BuildingABernazard: i shouldn't oughta have pearl harbored skipper of the lake county captains with a steel chair when he wasn't lookin |
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JeffWillPwn: And? |
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BuildingABernazard: and... uh, you shoulda given tom nieto this job instead of me, because he is a grown up and wouldn't engage teenagers in fisticuffs |
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JeffWillPwn: That's not what I'm looking for. What else? |
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BuildingABernazard: and... and... |
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JeffWillPwn: Help him out, Omar. |
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OmarGoodness: and you shouldn't have been singled out, because everyone in our front office is a macho, homophobic, crazy racist |
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JeffWillPwn: Very good, Omar! |
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BuildingABernazard: AW I KNOWED THAT ANSWER, YOU SAID IT BEFORE I HADDA CHANCE TO... YOU WANNA GO, I'LL EAT YOUR F***ING SOUL /tears off dress shirt |
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OmarGoodness: shut up! I make more money than you! |
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JeffWillPwn: Francisco, speaking for the entire Ny-mets squadron, what did YOU do wrong? |
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strikeout_rod: I should've been more like Manny Ramirez and less like Manny Corpas |
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JeffWillPwn: meaning? |
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strikeout_rod: meaning that if I was going to miss half the season, I should've done it getting suspended for using drugs that make me good at baseball, not injured because I am awful |
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JeffWillPwn: Good. And for what reason should you collectively burn in Hell? |
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strikeout_rod: because so many of us got hurt that Angel Berroa is still in the Major Leagues |
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JeffWillPwn: And how do you feel about your personal performance? |
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strikeout_rod: Ashamed. I am an overrated fantasy acquisition. I shouldn't have gotten all of those saves :( |
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JeffWillPwn: Okay. Mr. Met, what did you do wrong? |
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MetLife: i didn't unfurl my head ball and garrote you to death with its fibers |
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JeffWillPwn: Mr. Met. |
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MetLife: sighhhhh, i only lobbed t-shirts to the rich uninterested people in the first few rows instead of throwin them into the upper deck |
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JeffWillPwn: and that is important because?? |
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MetLife: because "catching a shirt" is the only possible way to have fun at a Mets game |
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JeffWillPwn: That's right. Vikrim Pandit, CEO of Citigroup, do you know what you did wrong? |
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KungFuPandit: I only bought one jetski when I should've bought FORTY JETSKIS! Ha ha ha, no, I am kidding! |
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KungFuPandit: I should not have sponsored a baseball stadium if I did not have the money to do that AND not go bankrupt |
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KungFuPandit: furthermore, I should not have kept my company's name on your stadium when the government had to give me poor peoples money to do so |
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KungFuPandit: I am in love with your basketball playing, socialist president! |
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JeffWillPwn: me too, but the news coverage of Obama's presidency is upsetting... why do we blame one guy when everybody in his organization is inept, and nobody deserves their job? |
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JeffWillPwn: yeah, who would do that |
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OmarGoodness: You know who would do that? Adam Rubin. That guy hates the President because he wants to be President! |
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JeffWillPwn: AHHH I'LL KILL HIM |
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MetLife: KILL THE BEAST |
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JeffWillPwn: Hold on, we aren't done yet! Today was a black eye for the New York Mets, so we need to go down the list and tell the room what we've learned. |
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OmarGoodness: I learned that I can keep my job no matter what I do. |
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JeffWillPwn: I learned that I could simultaneously kick the ass of up to three Savannah Sand Gnats |
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strikeout_rod: I learned that I could be making the same amount of money pitching for the Phillies |
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MetLife: i learned that if you have sex with mrs. met and she is a dude in a suit, you are really just having sex with a little dude |
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KungFuPandit: I just learned how to get New Jersey to pay for Jetski Night at CitiField! |
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CityofNewYork: I learned that I am legitimately awesome but should occasionally take my head out of my ass |
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JeffWillPwn: And I learned absolutely nothing. |
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JeffWillPwn: All right let's get out there and lose some ball games! |
If you've been following the long, strange trip of the New York Mets this season, you know what a tangled, complicated world the front offices of Major League Baseball can be. You understand the frustrations, the egos, the outbursts, and the Machiavellian maneuvering. If you haven't been following the Mets, let me catch you up: "They are the Mets, only they got really bad sooner."
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
7-29-2009 @ 8:56AM
Donut King said...
Stay classy, Pond Scum.
This Dugout needs more fisticuffs but is otherwise awesome.
Reply
7-29-2009 @ 3:36PM
Tom said...
i cant believe i actually sat and read this entire thing. Not even a little funny.
Reply
8-05-2009 @ 5:42PM
whatajoke said...
yeah, i agree. these have really gone downhill. obvious jokes and nerdy references = lame.
also, it's not a "collapse" when you have 3 all-stars on the DL for half the season. then again, last season wasn't a collapse either.