The Dugout: Mark Shapiro Takes Fastball To Head

In the blurb for yesterday's Dugout, Jon mentioned how difficult it has been to write lately, and how sometimes the honesty of the writer overtakes the sincerity of the project. My problem has been a little bit easier to define: I have been trying to live in the same city as the Cleveland Indians for the last six months. Today's title isn't from a news story or the topic of today's strip, it's just that with all the fastballs to the head going around I wanted to take a moment to picture it happening to someone who deserves it.

Have you ever gone to a bobblehead night for a player who doesn't play for the team anymore? I have. Have you ever watched a crowd sit silently for five innings, then lose their minds for a fictional hot dog race? I have. Do you think John Adams wishes the Yankees had something to do with drumming?

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Major League Baseball Flea Market Chatroom!
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: so what would you give me for the Bob Feller statue? He's pitching! A great bargain A++++
	RidetheSabean: does he actually pitch?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: oh... uh, no, we don't have anything like that left over here. We just call what he does "pitching"
	RidetheSabean: I dunno, we're pretty good on pitching. My son has these little Duplo figurines, I could give you one of those
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: What can they do?
	RidetheSabean: this one appears to be a driving a small car
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: hup, deal
	RidetheSabean: it's weird seeing you on AIM, don't you guys have your own chat client? Wahoo Messenger?
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: we did, but going forward we had to cut ties with the Messenger, as a cost-saving measure. Now we use ICQ.
	RidetheSabean: how is that
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Right now, I feel the answers are here with ICQ. The Cleveland Indians wish Wahoo Messenger chat client the best in its future endeavors.
	RidetheSabean: so what exactly is the plan with you guys, are you being weirdly ineffectual on purpose, or
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: No, everything is great! Everything is going exactly to plan. ICQ is great! Check out this hilarious Dugout from ICQ!
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: /copy-pastes chatlog
	Online Host 230376519 [2:46 PM]: HEY GUYS THIS IS 23037 230376519 [2:47 PM]: 230376519
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: lol
	RidetheSabean: yeah, that's... that's pretty funny I guess
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: But enough jokes! Let's get down to business. I'm already late for my 3PM entire-head dermabrasion.
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: I've got a 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle that I'm looking to trade. What'll you give me for it?
	RidetheSabean: uh... /flips through card binder
	RidetheSabean: 1988 Fleer Tim Flannery where he's holding a surfboard
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Ooh, that'll save me a lot of money. Deal! /trades
	RidetheSabean: haha are you aware of how monies work
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Do you want a T206 Honus Wagner? I'm looking to unload it, it's kinda small so you might not want it
	RidetheSabean: how about 87 Topps #11, "Indians Leaders"
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: ew, why would I want that
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: let me put it this way, what is the WORST thing you have
	RidetheSabean: Andres Torres
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: No, I mean in baseball cards
	RidetheSabean: either the 1992 Topps Draft Pick Brian Barber or this Stadium Club one where Oscar Azocar is about to f*** his bat
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: how about you trade me those two cards for the Honus Wagner?
	RidetheSabean: ehh I don't know, that Oscar Azocar one is pretty great
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: okay, I don't want to try harder to get it from you, so how about just the Brian Barber Draft Pick?
	RidetheSabean: deal
	RidetheSabean: Say, you wouldn't want to trade divisions, would you? If the Giants played in the AL Central we'd be 65 games ahead right now
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: I wish I could! I've been trying to get the Indians into Triple-A all season.
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: Hey, who would you trade me for Ryan Garko?
	RidetheSabean: nobody
	ShapiroAndBallyhoo: sold

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

8-16-2009 @ 3:36PM

Donut King said...

Brian Barber = EPIC FAIL!

Anyway, hilarious stuff.

8-16-2009 @ 11:28PM

Paul said...

230376519 [2:46 PM]: HEY GUYS THIS IS 23037
230376519 [2:47 PM]: 230376519

For some reason, this one almost resulted in ginger ale all over my laptop screen.
Another great post...

8-17-2009 @ 12:13PM

cahillio said...

I absolutely despise mark shapiro, wedge and the dolans. Way to run one the model franchises of the 90s directly into the ground. Please Dan Gilbert..buy the Cleveland Indians. I will actually pay to go to games, watch them on TV and buy Indians apparel if you do.