The Dugout: Just Tell Us What You Did To Your Eye Already

This is all we know for sure: Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Brett Myers is having difficulty returning from hip surgery because of a swollen eyeball. Nobody knows WHY his eyeball is swollen, it just is. His story keeps changing, reports come in and get rearranged, and all we're left with is an incomplete pitching staff and a pretty funny image in my mind of Brett Myers looking like Sloth from The Goonies.

Tonight's Dugout hopes to find the answer, after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Philadelphia Phillies Pitching Chatroom!
	NeedleNoseMyers: /stands in corner of clubhouse, cups hand over eye /whimpers
	ExpensiveMarijuana: okay, seriously, what the hell is going on with this guy's eyeball? Who are you, Kirby Puckett? I'm sick of hearing about it.
	ColeHamLuke: I don't know, he tells us something different everytime we ask
	ExpensiveMarijuana: well what did he tell you?
	ColeHamLuke: he told me that he was playing catch with his son and got hit in the eye with the ball. You play professional baseball for the World Champions and you can't catch a ball thrown by a kid?
	ColeHamLuke: but anyway I know is a total lie, because if the kid is the son of Brett Myers there's no way he could throw a ball hard enough to hurt somebody
	ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: Yeah, he told me something completely different
	ExpensiveMarijuana: What'd he tell you, Cliff?
	ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: He told me that he slipped getting out of his truck, hit his face, and suffered significant swelling around the eye.
	ColeHamLuke: what, did he slip and fall backwards INTO the truck?
	ACliffLeeTiltingPlanet: Yeah Brett what the hell are you parking next to that you can fall into and only hit yourself in the eye?
	ExpensiveMarijuana: What story did you get, Pedro?
	Vote4Pedro: He told me that he got into an argument with his wife at a Jacksonville restaurant a few days ago.
	Vote4Pedro: He thought his seafood alfredo was a little dry, she asked the waiter if they could get some extra sauce, so he grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face.
	Vote4Pedro: later his eye started swelling up, because he is allergic to shrimp
	ExpensiveMarijuana: That sounds like you, Brett. Is that what really happened?
	NeedleNoseMyers: stop spreading lies about me! I'm not allergic to shrimp!
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Jamie, how about you?
	MoyerBodyGirl: He promised me I was going to get the story about the altercation with his wife, but he gave it to Pedro instead :(
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Lidge?
	LidgeOnTheRiverKwai: one of his enormous Milhouse Van Houten eyebrows dislodged, came crashing down into his orbital socket
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Drew?
	ChristianArtistsDrewCarpenter: he touched the Phillie Phanatic on the ass and inadvertantly gave himself some kind of f***ed up Galapagos pink eye
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Rod... /looks down at paper Rod... Rodrigo Lopez? This can't be right.
	RigoSuave: no i'm here
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Seriously? Ugh, what, do we have Jorge Julio on the team too, how the sh** do you still play baseball for a living
	RigoSuave: well i'm on the 40 man
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Ugh, what, do we have Jorge Julio on the team too? How the sh** do you still play baseball for a living
	RigoSuave: i know somebody
	ExpensiveMarijuana: I don't care what he told you, I have no desire to ever see you again in my life.
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Joe, what'd he tell you?
	MindYourBisenius: that he and Bruce Chen still get together and go out drinking, just so they can make Sidney Ponson eat the cans
	ExpensiveMarijuana: No, I was talking about Brett Myers.
	MindYourBisenius: Oh, that guy beats his wife, I don't talk to that f***en guy. He's lucky I didn't punch him in the eye myself
	ExpensiveMarijuana: Who else... did you get a different story, Zagurski?
	BroncoZagurski: HUH! HUH! CHECK IT OUT EVERYBODY, I'M IN A DUGOUT, ALL HAIL THE ZAG
	ExpensiveMarijuana: did... did you hear anything about...
	BroncoZagurski: WOOOO HI MOM, WHAT'S UP PHILADELPHIA HOW YALL FEELING TONIGHT, I CANNNT HEAARRR YOUUUUU
	BroncoZagurski: DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE ONE ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON
	BroncoZagurski: MAN TELLING JOKES IS GREAT
	ExpensiveMarijuana: you see this, Brett, you beat your wife and get mystery eye and now we've got a big ass hole in the staff that we're filling with this colossal f***ing five year old girl
	BroncoZagurski: SO WHAT'S EVERYBODY CHATTING ABOUT, ANYBODY HERE LISTEN TO METALLICA