**OnlineHost** Welcome to Kansas City Royals Chat!

**OnlineHost** It is two in the morning.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /rummages through locker

where in the f*** is it

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i feel like kurd russell in the motion picture breakdown tryen to find this sh**

Ponson1LegAtATime: /rattles cage

grrAAAAaaaaa

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why dont you stuff a humble farmers free range bovine in yer gapen maw, im tryen to find somethen

Ponson1LegAtATime: ouuuuut

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: haha im not letten you out, what you think i havent watcht any "messen with samsquatch" docu-dramas

Ponson1LegAtATime: errrrrrgbh

TreyHillMix: SHUT UP I"M WORKING

/scribbles on chalkboard

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what are you doen here this late, its

/looks at wrist

/wrist has no watch on it

its d*** o clock in the mornen

TreyHillMix: I could ask you the same thing.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: im looken fer my wrist watch

TreyHillMix: Oh...yeah, I think one of the janitors found it. It didn't have any hands or anything on it, it's basically just a wristband with "d*** o'clock" written on it.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why dident you tell me, ive been tryen to find it since d***-thirty

TreyHillMix: If that's all your watch does, how can you tell the passage of time?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: if i can sand furniture with my face i know its been 3 hours, then i shave mine ruddy jowls an the count down starts anew

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /stares at chalkboard

what the sam f*** is this

TreyHillMix: /puts down chalk

Kyle, have you ever had any questions that you can't get out of your head?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yes

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why do the beef jerky eaters take part in messen with samsquatch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: how do they survive getten emblooded and thrownst into rocky outcroppens

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: why have the same campers been campen out for like 5 years, are they seeken refuge from the health care ive been hearen about

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: where can i find jack links beef jerky brand products

TreyHillMix: sigh

I have a question too, and it's been keeping me up for days.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: no sh**, you look like a homeless baldwin

TreyHillMix: The question is this: how do the Royals make the playoffs?

TreyHillMix: And I've figured it out.

TreyHillMix: Coming into Wednesday, we're 47-73 and have 37 games left to play. We're dead last in the AL Central. 16.5 games out of first. Actually, we're the worst team in the league.

TreyHillMix: BUT!

TreyHillMix: We can win the division IF

TreyHillMix:

A. We win all 19 remaining games we have against division rivals.

TreyHillMix:

B. Of the other 23 games we play outside of our division, we win 14 of them. That's only a .600 winning percentage. We can win 6 out of 10 games, right? We did that during a 10-game stretch in, like, May. So there's that.

TreyHillMix:

C. The Indians sweep the rest of the series they have against the Twins, Tigers and White Sox.

TreyHillMix:

D. The White Sox and Tigers split their remaining 6 games against each other.

TreyHillMix:

E. Apart from all their games versus the Royals and Indians, the Twins, Tigers, and White Sox go about .500.

TreyHillMix: If all of these things happen -- ALL of them -- this will be how the AL Central looks at the end of the season:

TreyHillMix:

Royals 80-82
White Sox 79-83
Tigers 79-83
Indians 78-84
Twins 72-90

TreyHillMix: And then we'll be in the playoffs!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /blinks

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /blinks

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sorry a big piece of boring got enlodgened in my eye ball

TreyHillMix: The problem, though, is that even if this completely reasonable series of events occurs, we'll be in the playoffs. And we don't know anything about the playoffs.

TreyHillMix: What are the playoffs?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: pffft ive been to the playoffs

TreyHillMix: WHAT

YOU HAVE

TELL ME

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well its like

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Royals Team Meeting Chat!

TreyHillMix: Sorry, gentlemen. Kyle was going to join us, but he had a d*** o'clock meet and greet somewhere.

TreyHillMix: I have found a way to get us to the playoffs. But that only leads to a bigger problem, as it always has: what are the playoffs?

TreyHillMix: Well, Kyle has been there. And he told me what they are.

JoakimBackKotter: GASP

TreyHillMix: I wrote it down. Here's what he said:

"The playoffs are a bunch of stupid dumb crap where you play the Marlins and you're going to win but then some turtlenecked barf eater goes like, "durrrr, my name is Steve Bartman, I'm going to go put headphones and go to a baseball game, durrrrrrrrr". Then he gets in his car and drives to the stadium. He's still going like "durrrrrrrrrr" while he's driving. Then he sits in his seat and catches a foul ball and you lose.

TreyHillMix: It sounds terrifying. I don't know if we even want to go to the playoffs.

JoakimBackKotter: See, that's weird. I heard "the playoffs" is a series of aristocratic party games, such as shuffleboard and backgammon. If you emerge the winner, you are awarded dominionship of a parcel of land in Antarctica and a dune buggy.

brian_bar_bannister: I heard that the playoffs are more of a state of mind than an actual place. You enter it, and then you realize that everything's the playoffs, man, and that the playoffs are all around us, dude.

GreinkeDinks: well I heard that the playoffs are, like, this six-foot-long condom that you crawl into, and then you wiggle around in it and stuff, and it gives you magical powers where you can see ghosts, but the catch is that you can never escape

TreyHillMix: oh my god, that sounds terrible

JoakimBackKotter: yeah let's never go to the playoffs ever