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**Online Host**
Welcome to the Colorado Rockies Free Buffet Chatroom! |
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LongLiveGiambi: nom nom nom nom nom |
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LongLiveGiambi: /empties entire tray of mini-corndogs onto plate with sweeping forearm gesture |
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BarmesAway: Jason! How are you enjoying the spread? Have you tried the Rocky Mountain oysters? |
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LongLiveGiambi: I close my eyes when I eat, so maybe... which ones are the rocky mountain oysters |
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BarmesAway: those little fried things /points to buffet |
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LongLiveGiambi: oh, I thought that was okra somebody spat in |
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LongLiveGiambi: sorry, never been a big fan of oysters... I'd rather eat a cow's balls than eat oysters, haha |
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BarmesAway: well hey listen, while I've got you here, I've got to be straight with you... we didn't just bring you here for a buffet. |
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LongLiveGiambi: yeah I figured /palms pork lo mein
I'm a free agent now, so you want me to join the team
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BarmesAway: you could say that /puts hand on Giambi's shoulder |
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BarmesAway: Jason, did you know Jesus has an awesome plan for your life? |
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LongLiveGiambi: /stares blankly
/slowly takes bite from full rack of spare ribs
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BarmesAway: He came and died for your sins so that you may live with Him forever in Heaven. He loves you so much that He wants to give you hope for your life and a future you can look forward to. |
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BarmesAway: Would you like to say "yes" to the plan Jesus has for your life? |
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LongLiveGiambi: I... uh...
how much does it pay
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BarmesAway: UBALDO! Get over here with that inspirational diagram! |
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GoUpUbaldo: sí /rushes across room carrying felt board |
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**Online Host**
GoUpUbaldo would like to directly connect to your heart.
**Online Host**
GoUpUbaldo is now directly connected!
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GoUpUbaldo: /
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BarmesAway: People have tried many ways to bridge this gap between themselves and God. No bridge reaches God... except one. |
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LongLiveGiambi: i don't know if i wanna use that bridge, clint, i know somebody who died on it |
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BarmesAway: Think of it in terms of baseball... we are "people," yes? |
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LongLiveGiambi: you're people who live in colorado, so barely, but yes |
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BarmesAway: God represents all things positive and holy, so think of him as, say, a playoff berth. |
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LongLiveGiambi: so what you're saying is that in this example, I am Christ |
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BarmesAway: you are Christ in no example. Christ stays Christ. |
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BarmesAway: if we want to make it to the playoffs, we will need to trust in God that he will believe in us, help us, and occasionally make an umpire say our player touched home plate when he totally didn't |
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LongLiveGiambi: the gap between us and the playoffs doesn't look very big, if you climbed down to some of the lower rocks you could jump across fairly easily |
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BarmesAway: the gap is much larger in real life, the diagram was made purposefully small to fit in the chatroom table |
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LongLiveGiambi: i've been to the playoffs plenty of times, and i've got a few tricks up my sleeveless arm if you want to do it without the lord |
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LongLiveGiambi: what if we go out, get as drunk as humanly fr*ckin possible |
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BarmesAway: 1 Corinthians 6:10 lists drunkards among those who will not inherit the kingdom of God. |
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LongLiveGiambi: okay, what if i grow a mustache? a real bristly one, what makes me look like larry csonka |
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BarmesAway: the Bible has a whole thing about not lying with a man as you would with a woman, and mustaches are Leviticus's great bookmark |
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LongLiveGiambi: that ain't the only way to bust a slump, what about THONGS? thongs will bust it all night long! |
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BarmesAway: again with the Leviticus |
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LongLiveGiambi: how about this: what if we kiss each other on the mouth every time we get out, so that way if we don't wanna be gay we gotta win |
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BarmesAway: Jason, there is no way to the playoffs without Christ. |
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LongLiveGiambi: Wow, you're right. Jesus really IS the way. Tell me, how can I help bridge that gap? |
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BarmesAway: Pray to God that you can hit over .200, or ask him to take Mario Mendoza's life. |
Jason Giambi, famous for his seven years with the New York Yankees, an AL MVP award with Oakland in 2000, and an older Dugout buddy icon that made him look like a goomba from Super Mario Bros., has agreed to a deal with the Colorado Rockies, according to multiple sources. Giambi is fresh from a release in Oakland, where he shocked statisticians by somehow getting his batting average into negative numbers. 
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
8-23-2009 @ 7:00PM
Donut King said...
Funny how you can still manage a team AFTER you've been fired. Finest trick in the book!
Reply
8-24-2009 @ 7:48PM
Neal said...
Clint Hurdle was the fired manager, not Clint Barmes.
8-24-2009 @ 8:44PM
Donut King said...
I wish I had a screenshot to prove it, but when this thing was posted on Sunday, wherever Barmes is now, it WAS Hurdle.
Can anyone vouch for me on this one?
8-25-2009 @ 1:42PM
Ryan Spilborghs said...
I can vouch for it.
By the way, did anyone else see that Grand Slam yesterday. That was pretty cool, huh internet. :)
8-24-2009 @ 10:32AM
tonytiger18 said...
Giambe was a very BIG disappointment while a Yankee.
He hit and produced when there was no pressure in the early months, but choked in the playoffs.
He was the slowest baserunner that I ever seen and poor running instincts to go with his lack of speed.
Horrible firstbaseman, no range at all, couldn't throw to second on a DP.He had a hard time with difficult throws. Probably cost the Yankees over 50 runs with his defense.
What bothered me about him the most, with the shift on and men in scoring position, he never adjusted, he never tried to go the other way.Even if it was the winning run on base, he still tried to pull the ball.
It is no coincidence that the Yankees are so much improved defensively with him gone.
What a big roided stiff.
Reply