The Dugout: Mike Blowers Your Mind

Mike Blowers knows more about baseball than you. His AM radio predictions for Seattle Mariners third baseman and spellcheck challenger Matt Tuiasosopo came true in increasingly accurate and eerie ways, including pitch count, distance, and barometric pressure. The only possible explanations for this are that he is a genius, or that an older version of him traveled back in time with a Sports Alamanac. Somebody get a picture of his wife, see if she has enormous implants.

I predict that tonight's Dugout is after the jump. /puts fingers to temples

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the KIRO Radio Sunday Chatroom!
	NiehausKaiLan: Picks to Click, final game of the series, Mike, who's yours
	BlowersForAlgernon: I think clearly it's going to be Tuiasosopo today, he swung the bat well the last few times he's gotten an opportunity to play.
	BlowersForAlgernon: I expect him to hit his first big league home run today, he's gonna get in a good count today
	BlowersForAlgernon: he's going to get a fastball from Tallet and he's going to hit it out of left center field probly oh, maybe in the second deck.
	NiehausKaiLan: Okay! Awright! I'm looking forward to it. Matt Tuiasosopo's first home run of his career coming up according to Mike Blowers.
	BlowersForAlgernon: On a 3-1 count.
	NiehausKaiLan: On a 3-1 count? Breaking ball, fastball?
	BlowersForAlgernon: It'll be a fastball, he's a fastball pitcher, 3-1 count, second at-bat.
	BlowersForAlgernon: The... the sun will break through the clouds for only a moment, then the moment will pass. A child in section 339 will begin to cry.
	BlowersForAlgernon: A young couple only recently in love will be taking a high angle couples photo for their Facebook pages and miss the moment of impact, looking up and reacting too late, not sure who was at bat at all.
	NiehausKaiLan: Heh, a highly accurate prediction from-
	BlowersForAlgernon: /stares off into the distance /eye begins to twitch
	BlowersForAlgernon: Baseball season will be coming to a close. It will be 55 degrees in Cleveland. The tides being to rush in in Indonesia.
	BlowersForAlgernon: Life goes on, the planet continues to spin, orbiting around the Galactic Central Point. None of this will have mattered. The Mariners have a winning season, a year after losing 100 games.
	BlowersForAlgernon: but when the season ends, the moment is gone. The time has passed. The winning season is not good enough. The next year, the Mariners win the West. They lose in the playoffs. Not good enough.
	BlowersForAlgernon: 2011, the Mariners make it to the ALDS. They lose. Not good enough. 2012, the World Series. They lose. Not good enough.
	BlowersForAlgernon: 2013, the Mariners win the World Series. It takes them 6 games. They should've won in 5. What a dissapointing season. What does next year bring?
	BlowersForAlgernon: Tuiasosopo waves inconsequentially at the fans, their eyes wet with tears, clamoring for a moment with the All-Star and future home run king
	BlowersForAlgernon: but even Tuiasosopo remains unaware that it was his first home run, the very first, whose impact awakened...
	BlowersForAlgernon: ... the machines.
	NiehausKaiLan: My Pick to Click is Ken Griffey Jr.!
	BlowersForAlgernon: What're you, an idiot?
	Online Host The next day...
	MaddowSoprano: And finally, some unbridled joy and amazement... [long pause] courtesy of one of joy and amazement's most reliable sources [long pause] baseball.
	MaddowSoprano: This morning, Seattle Mariners color commentator Mike Blowers, fresh from bending a spoon... [long pause] with his mind [long pause] made some somewhat... outlandish predictions.
	MaddowSoprano: The former MLB journeyman announced that Barack Obama was the Antichrist, and that the happenings in Iran were the beginning of "Armageddon."
	MaddowSoprano: Blowers went on to say that Osama Bin Laden had been dead for over 50 years, and that the man we saw in videos was a devilish manifestation of the worst parts of humanity.
	MaddowSoprano: Skeptics laughed, but when President Obama began drinking blood from the neck of Belgian Prime Minister Herman Van Rompuy and declared himself Lord of All Earths... we had to take a second look.
	MaddowSoprano: Levitating over Safeco Field in a protective telekenetic bubble, a nude Blowers blew into a lengthy horn and foretold the second coming of the Christian Jesus.
	MaddowSoprano: Later that day on Twitter, Christ Twaught... "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. And, I guess, Mike Blowers."
	MaddowSoprano: When approached for comment, the increasingly omnipresent Blowers smote MSNBC correspondent Carlos Watson with lasers from his eyes.
	MaddowSoprano: Every prediction, NAILED! He's like Nate Silver, with fewer powers!
	MaddowSoprano: That's it for tonight, everybody. I'm Rachel Maddow, and I'm more of a gimmick than Hillbilly Jim. Goodnight.
	Online Host The next day
	NiehausKaiLan: My Pick to Click is Ichiro!
	BlowersForAlgernon: you contemplated the very meaning of our existence and you went with "Ichiro?" Way to go out on a limb, Dave.
	BlowersForAlgernon: besides, Ichiro isn't in the lineup tonight, for he was slain by the flying scorpion lion.
	NiehausKaiLan: He's got a sweet swing, he's been focusing on his mechanics, and I feel like he's due!
	BlowersForAlgernon: can he play with a 4 foot stinger through his chest
	NiehausKaiLan: If anyone can do it, it's Ichiro!
	BlowersForAlgernon: My Pick to Click for this afternoon's game is the mitochondrion of the Delta Smelt Fish.