MLB New York

New York's affection for Derek Jeter is no secret. He is everything that horrible, evil Alex Rodriguez isn't. He's a winner. He tags Jessica Biel. He had the good sense not to get married, because bro, who gets married, bro? Lame. Derek Jeter is the subject of more NYC man crushes than Judy Garland.

Problem is, he's not all that good anymore. His defensive prowess has been proven, time and again, to be significantly overrated. Though the man crushers are able to dismiss those findings as "too statistical," they're having a difficult time standing up for Jeter this year. His offense is down with his defense. The Yankees are thoroughly mediocre. That's hard to rebuff.

Last night, though, Derek Jeter did something wholly impressive, and the crushers are back out in force. While these two pieces are merely minor offenders, the New York Post's Larry Brooks really carries the torch:

For as much attention as the whole A-Rod/Madonna/Lenny Kravitz love triangle has received, I'm surprised that more reporters haven't stopped for a second and thought, "Hey, what if this is nothing but a huge publicity stunt?" According to Page 6, Kravitz is convinced that's exactly what it is, and he fired his manager Guy Oseary (pictured, with A-Rod) two weeks ago when he heard what was in the works:

[Cynthia Rodriguez's personal trainer Dodd] Romero called Kravitz two weeks ago to tip him off that Oseary - who managed Kravitz, Madonna and A-Rod - was about to "pimp out Madonna and A-Rod," said a source. But Kravitz didn't approve and told Romero, "I'll take care of this" - and fired Oseary.

Kravitz was shocked when he was then accused of having a fling with the slugger's wife, said the source. Romero believes Oseary planted the story in retaliation for being dumped.

Indirectly corroborating that story is this tidbit from TMZ.com, which claims that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie decided all the way back in October to get a divorce but decided to postpone announcing it so as to generate publicity -- and cash -- for Madonna's upcoming tour.

Tabloid journalism is here to stay, which is a damn shame. Every inch we devote to the latest Alex Rodriguez-Madonna gossip pushes the real, hard-hitting, investigative reporting that we should be reading to the margins. We should be paying more attention to the important stuff ... like the media's dirty eating habits in the press dining room! From Page Six:

YANKEES radio announcer John Sterling is being called out for foul behavior in the stadium's press dining room. "Sterling has made a habit of walking over to the dessert table and dipping his finger into the ice cream barrel," one stadium worker told us, adding that the play-by-play vet has also used the same tablespoon to repeatedly take samples. During the Boston series, "He wandered over to the cake and pie section, broke off a piece of a cake slice, ate it and wiped his grimy hands on the linen tablecloth, leaving the remainder of the slice for someone else to eat - which indeed happened," our spy continued.

Yeah, that's disgusting. That's like putting your whole mouth in the ice cream! There's a lesson to be learned: don't use your hands at the buffet table always tip the wait staff. Granted, I'm guessing the workers in the Yankee Stadium dining room aren't even supposed to accept tips, but believe me, this kind of story wouldn't have happened if Sterling had bothered to drop a fiver every now and then.

Stay tuned for more hard-hitting media criticism, including unconfirmed reports that suggest that the real reason for Mike and the Mad Dog may be splitting up is because Chris Russo double-dips!

Hey, more Alex Rodriguez-Madonna nonsense! Fortunately, this might be the best bit yet. In this New York Daily News story about all the floozies A-Rod's rogered since he's been married -- apparently A-Rod prefers tequila before sex, and don't we all -- a brilliant little detail has surfaced. According to some sketchy anonymous source, A-Rod used a special brand of disguise to make his way into Madonna's apartment:

One source said A-Rod tried to avoid being recognized during visits to the Manhattan apartment of one girlfriend by wearing "a fake mustache."

Ah, the fake mustache. Second only to Clark Kent's glasses in disguise implausibility.

Of course, being the mustache activist that I am, I had to reach out to the American Mustache Institute for their take on this buffoonery.

It looks like the Mets are going to need to step up their quest for a corner outfielder. Ryan Church is headed back to the disabled list, according to a report that was just on WFAN Radio in New York, and it probably wouldn't be wise to count on his return at any point in the future.

Church will likely play again this year, mind you, but concussions are nasty, nasty business that have a habit of making a nuisance of themselves. Between that and Moises Alou's complete lack of physical health, then, the Mets can't stand pat and try to make do with Endy Chavez and a collection of second-tier players from the minor leagues. Jason Bay and Matt Holliday are the biggest names on the market but the Mets could probably swing a deal for less if they went after guys like Xavier Nady and Raul Ibanez.

It would be easy to castigate the Mets for the way they've handled Church's injury this season. They certainly should have put him on the shelf right away instead of allowing him to travel with the team and play but at the end of the day this was probably going to be a lingering issue no matter what. It's impossible to know just what Church told the team about his condition, although one can presume he wants to be on the field, and he's been too important to the offense for the team to not want him in the lineup.

It should be no surprise that a bunch of celebrities attended the June 29, 2006 Madonna concert in Madison Square Garden. She's the material girl. She's huge. People love her. We don't question why, we just let her keep making her money and talking in her fake British accent.

But the fact that the celebrity divorce couple of the hour -- Mr. and Mrs. A. Rod -- were in attendance is a little bizarre. And ironic, I suppose. Of course, not as bizarre or ironic as the fact that C-Rod's rumored man, Lenny Kravitz, was also there.

And all of that might sound a bit like a fictional tale of celebrity lore, were it not for the illustrious Don Chavez, who somehow has pictures of the whole thing. Does this actually mean anything? Absolutely Maybe not. But you can bet that this will be the perceived starting point for the whole alleged A-Rod - Madonna affair (and maybe the C-Rod - Kravitz business too).

The lesson, as always? Never take your celebrity spouse to a Madonna concert in New York. Been sayin' it for years.

Throughout the history of mankind, people have looked to others to help them figure out how to get by and survive their lives. In some cultures, people turn to their elders for advice since they have a lot more experience, and have seen many different situations and how they've played out. In other places, people just do a whole bunch of hallucinogenic drugs hoping to have a vision that will solve whatever problem they're dealing with at the time.

In American culture, we have strippers. Yes, much like the oracles of ancient Greece, we Americans prefer our advice to come from naked women who are probably just really, really high. That's why Cynthia Rodriguez should talk to one of her soon to be ex-husband's former ladies if she ever thinks of forgiving Alex.

Cheating Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez had a two-night stand with an ex-Centerfolds stripper while in town to play the Red Sox in 2004, and Candice Houlihan says A-Rod's wife "did the right thing" by filing for divorce yesterday.

"A leopard doesn't change his spots," Houlihan, now a Reading hairdresser, told the Track. "Good for her, I think she's doing the smart thing. And she'll probably get tons of cash."

It always comes back to money with strippers, doesn't it?

Though Cynthia isn't the only one getting advice, as a gigolo in Manhattan named Hugo told A-Rod last night not to worry about losing his wife because he has over $100 million and can "get all the booty a man could dream of. Being married is for guys who can't get any."

As a lifelong New Yorker, I'm accustomed to the way the city's collection of tabloids constantly try to one-up the others while reporting the same exact story. Or the same exact non-story. So it wasn't surprising to peruse the papers today and find that they are both offering their views on whether or not the Mets will try to fill their outfield void by employing Barry Bonds.

Newsday headlines their article "Mets have no interest in Bonds." The New York Post counters with "Omar Minaya won't say no to Bonds." To come up with such different conclusions, each paper must have had interviews with Minaya in which he contradicted himself, right?

Nope. Both articles are based on the exact same quote by Minaya during what must have been a session with several reporters. He was asked if the team would be courting Bonds.

"I would say that I'm going to focus on our guys and our guys hopefully will be OK."

I think I'd headline that story "Minaya remains stubbornly optimistic about injured outfielders." That's not the most interesting article in the world but neither is the umpteenth bit of navel gazing about a team that's shown no interest in Bonds continuing to show no interest in Bonds. Bonds ain't coming to Shea and each day that goes by makes it less and less likely he's going anywhere.

Jason Giambi is probably a deserving All-Star -- certainly more deserving than others on his team -- but it's no crime for one overpaid Yankee to stay home for the game. Boo-effing-hoo, right? The Yankees already have like 82 people on the All-Star team.

Still, there is part of me that wants to support Giambi's candidacy. It's not just because of his ability, or his numbers -- it's because of that 'stache. It's beautiful. In one of the great political endorsements of this tumultuous campaign year, the American Mustache Institute agrees with me:

The American Mustache Institute officially offered their support for Giambi's All-Star candidacy today. "It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that Jason Giambi's hitting prowess plus a fashionable mustache, equals a bona fide All-Star," said Aaron Perlut, Executive Director of The American Mustache Institute. "Giambi's significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur – indicating great intellect and good looks – make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster."

Frankly, I'm a bit surprised at the Institute's willingness to label Giambi's mustache as "lip fur." When we will we throw off these old politics and declare a new way, a way in which a beautifully grown mustache can not be so easily derided with cruel names? I say vote Giambi, and vote mustache. Yes, we can.

The Alex Rodriguez divorce story was officially announced late last night, but after the Madonna fiasco and the Lenny Kravitz nonsense -- seriously, man, Lenny Kravitz -- it was a foregone conclusion. It felt like old news. The one tidbit left to examine is Cynthia Rodriguez's claim that the couple's prenup may or may not be "legal." From the divorce papers' summary bulletin:

20. ANTENUPTIAL AGREEMENT: On October 3, 2002, the parties executed a "document" titled "Antenuptial Agreement". A determination as to the validity or enforceability of the agreement requires additional investigation and discovery.

See what Cynthia's lawyer did there? Very clever. It's not a document, it's a "document." If you put it in quotes, it might not exist!

Unfortunately for Cynthia, the prenup is probably legal -- were it not, one guesses the lawyers would be far more condemning here -- and the astronomical amount of money she's likely to receive from her soon-to-be-former husband is thus nominally reduced. It's cool though, 'cause Lenny Kravitz totally banks. Love + Revolution -- marketing like that simply does not fail.