MLB The Word

For as much attention as the whole A-Rod/Madonna/Lenny Kravitz love triangle has received, I'm surprised that more reporters haven't stopped for a second and thought, "Hey, what if this is nothing but a huge publicity stunt?" According to Page 6, Kravitz is convinced that's exactly what it is, and he fired his manager Guy Oseary (pictured, with A-Rod) two weeks ago when he heard what was in the works:

[Cynthia Rodriguez's personal trainer Dodd] Romero called Kravitz two weeks ago to tip him off that Oseary - who managed Kravitz, Madonna and A-Rod - was about to "pimp out Madonna and A-Rod," said a source. But Kravitz didn't approve and told Romero, "I'll take care of this" - and fired Oseary.

Kravitz was shocked when he was then accused of having a fling with the slugger's wife, said the source. Romero believes Oseary planted the story in retaliation for being dumped.

Indirectly corroborating that story is this tidbit from TMZ.com, which claims that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie decided all the way back in October to get a divorce but decided to postpone announcing it so as to generate publicity -- and cash -- for Madonna's upcoming tour.

Hey, more Alex Rodriguez-Madonna nonsense! Fortunately, this might be the best bit yet. In this New York Daily News story about all the floozies A-Rod's rogered since he's been married -- apparently A-Rod prefers tequila before sex, and don't we all -- a brilliant little detail has surfaced. According to some sketchy anonymous source, A-Rod used a special brand of disguise to make his way into Madonna's apartment:

One source said A-Rod tried to avoid being recognized during visits to the Manhattan apartment of one girlfriend by wearing "a fake mustache."

Ah, the fake mustache. Second only to Clark Kent's glasses in disguise implausibility.

Of course, being the mustache activist that I am, I had to reach out to the American Mustache Institute for their take on this buffoonery.

Just days after the Brewers made a splash by trading for CC Sabathia, the Cubs countered by acquiring an ace of their own, picking up Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin from the A's in exchange for Sean Gallagher, Eric Patterson, Matt Murton, minor leaguer Josh Donaldson and ... wait, that's it? Whoa. Advantage: Cubs.

Harden is obviously a huge injury risk, but no one can dispute that he's one of the most dominant pitchers in the game when healthy. In 13 starts he's been one of the best in the AL this year, posting a 2.34 ERA (1.14 WHIP) while averaging better than 10.7 strikeouts per nine.

And while Gaudin is clearly an afterthought, he's not all that bad himself, capable of eating innings from the bullpen or starting rotation.

What did it cost Chicago? Some intriguing prospects, sure, but absolutely nothing in terms of players capable of helping the Cubs win today.

The Indians traded CC Sabathia to the Brewers in part because they're convinced that he's determined to add an extra comma digit to his contract this winter (he turned down a $72 million extension in January in hopes of finding something in excess of $100 million). Before being officially introduced to Milwaukee's media on Monday, though, there was a different bit of punctuation on Sabathia's mind:

From here on out, Carsten Charles Sabathia is just "CC" Sabathia - not "C.C."

After holding a news conference Monday to announce they'd made a trade to acquire the reigning AL Cy Young award winner from Cleveland, a member of the Brewers public relations staff advised media members that Sabathia prefers to have his initials written without periods.

And you thought the perks of being a big leaguer stopped at fancy cars and groupies. No sir, once you make it to The Show, the rules of grammar literally no longer apply. I suppose this explains why so many athletes like to speak in the third person ...

Just in case you're curious (and if you're still reading, I'm sure it was in the back of your mind), the team did make sure to clarify that J.J. Hardy would be holding onto his periods for the time being. It's nice to know you can rely on something in these crazy times.

When I sat down tonight to watch the Pirates and Astros, I didn't really think I'd be seeing anything all that special. The Pirates and 'Stros are tied for last in the NL Central, after all, and both teams have been pretty frigid of late. When Phil Dumatrait picked up an RBI single in the first, the announcers mentioned it was his first career hit. Then i the in the fourth, Runelvys Hernandez laid down a bunt into noman's land and scored a run. Again, the announcers noted it was his first career hit. That seemed mildly more interesting. In the bottom of the fourth, Denny Bautista came to the plate. Yep, RBI single, first career hit. Now that's odd.

Now, I'm only a baseball historian on Sunday afternoons after three beers, but it strikes me as incredibly rare that three pitchers all managed to pick up their first career hits and have them all be RBI singles in the same game. I'm sure it's happened before, but probably not all that often. I guess it's not all that surprising that it happened in a game where the starters combined to give up 17 runs, but I'm still impressed.

In case you'd forgotten, Runelvys Hernandez is the guy that kicked off the whole Shawn Chacon saga by taking Chacon's spot in the Astros rotation. Tonight he managed to actually give up ten runs (including two RBI singles to pitchers that had no career hits coming into the night), which is pretty rare for a starter. I imagine Shawn Chacon's looking in a mirror somewhere and feeling pretty good about himself.

One of my fondest wishes as a sports fan is that there can one day be a series between the Red Sox and Yankees that doesn't coincide with the beating of a fan of one team or the other. Especially when the beating occurs on the Fourth of July in front of the man's children.

Making it all the better, the genius squad that led the beatdown didn't even have any reason to believe that William Nestor, driving his family home from a fireworks display in Falmouth, Massachusetts, was a baseball fan, let alone a Yankee fan. Nestor was beaten with an aluminum bat because his car had New York plates.

"They were yelling, 'Yankees! Yankees!' and 'F - - - New York' " Nestor, 29, said. "When they saw the plates, they came at me.

"I didn't even know the Yankees and Red Sox were playing" this weekend, added Nestor, who's not a particularly big baseball fan.

Nestor is okay, thankfully, and police have arrested one man and charged him with assault. They are looking for his partner in crime.

At some point it would be awfully nice of Hank Steinbrenner and John Henry to make some kind of joint statement decrying this kind of behavior. While making sure to point out that plenty of people on both sides are prone to acting like idiots, the owners could make it clear that neither the Yankee Universe nor Red Sox Nation they are so fond of welcomes citizens of that sort.

The last couple of days there have been all sorts of rumors about what's going on between Alex Rodriguez and Madonna, as A-Rod has been spotted at the Worn Material Girl's apartment in recent nights. Considering that Madonna is rumored to be getting divorced from her husband (where am I and when did I start writing for TMZ?), and A-Rod has been seen about town with other "ladies" before, people just started putting two and two together and assume the two are getting it on.

I'm not sure what to believe myself, but I should remind you that there have been times in history when a man and a woman can just be friends and not sleep together. It's insane to think about, I know, but it does happen once in a blue moon. Madonna and Alex could just share a common interest, like, say, kabbalah?

The Post has also learned that the two egocentric stars share something deeper than the same agent - kabbalah. In recent months, A-Rod has shown active interest in studying the Jewish mystical practice popularized by Madonna, her director hubby, and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, sources said.

Rodriguez has visited kabbalah centers in south Florida, where the all-star and the singer both have posh homes, the sources said.

See? A-Rod was only visiting Madonna's crib after the birth of his child because he probably wanted to know how exactly how a new baby's arrival is treated in kabbalah. Do you dunk them in water, or chant in tongues? How is a third baseman supposed to know these things!?

Besides, Madonna may be blonde, but she's no where near muscular enough to really attract A-Rod's interest sexually. He would never do that to Jeets.

The latest plan to accelerate the maturity of Jose Reyes involves Luis Castillo. After Reyes' Tanner Boyle-like tantrum in front of a packed house at Shea Stadium on Sunday, manager Jerry Manuel discussed the plan to have Castillo be a more positive influence on Reyes.

Manuel noted that Reyes could be more focused during games. To that effect, Manuel hopes Luis Castillo will take a more active role in keeping Reyes disciplined, as Jose Valentin and Miguel Cairo did in past seasons.

"We would hope that at some point he would, because of the years that he's had in the majors, get comfortable enough in taking on some of that responsibility," Manuel said about Castillo. "I think when Louie begins to feel good about Louie, then he can do something for somebody else. When he came last year he was a little different as far as, 'C'mon. Let's go. Stay up.' I think the injuries, the season that he's had, has had a little effect on him."

Yep, it's come to that. A 25-year-old ballplayer who has been in the majors for five years is still in a mentor program. And his new mentor is a guy who was recently guilted into playing every day when it was hinted that his request for an occasional few days off to rest up nagging injuries would result in a stay on the disabled list. Great. Hope Castillo remembers to child-proof the clubhouse by covering up the electrical outlets.

Baseball parks have long been a great place to meet somebody, whether you're a man or a woman. If you meet somebody at a game, you already know you have a common interest with them, so you've got your icebreaker right there. The seemingly never ending flow of beer doesn't hurt much either, of course.

If you're single and still looking for that special someone, or even that special person for the next few hours, I highly recommend going to a baseball game to find them. Just make sure you aren't going to SafeCo Field. Don't be fooled by the lesbian make-out sessions, because that place is a ghost town these days.

Among the several casualties of this dismal Mariners season -- Jeff Pentland's job, Richie Sexson's career, the fantasy team of anyone who drafted J.J. Putz -- is the singles scene at Safeco Field.

The scene is dead for one simple reason (which is practically a natural law): Women don't like losers.

I say this with the certainty of someone who went on several dates while unemployed and living at my parents' house. Eventually the girl would learn the gravity of my situation, and then (evidently) lose my phone number.

The Mariners -- who also live in the basement and rarely score -- are just as unattractive to women. At least that's what I conclude from the looks of Safeco Field's Hit It Here Cafe on a couple of recent nights.