Despite being three and a half games ahead of the competition in the American League West, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have a big problem - their players keep getting hurt, and nobody knows why. Vlad Guerrero and Scot Shields are getting check out for health issues and Chone Figgins has a hamstring made out of velcro. In unrelated stories, Kendry Morales was gored to death in a bullfight and Jose Arredondo had a bomb stuffed in his mouth, was blown up from the inside, and tumbled into a pit of lava where he was then burned to death.
So.
Today's Dugout examines the problems in Los Angeles (or Anaheim?) and using the in-depth baseball analysis Fanhouse has become famous for, blames the problem on the 1990s remake of a 1950s movie. Here's to hoping they come out with another Pirates of the Caribbean movie so we can get Pittsburgh in a few of these.
Anyone who has watched a local Cincinnati Reds broadcast is familiar with the JTM commercial that plays at least every other commercial break. It features Bronson Arroyo singing a song about frozen food products, and it is tremendous. With commercials like these, a simple pithy remark just will not cut it. Oh, no.
That's why I have decided to assemble the Speculation Station, a tribunal that gives special attention to things like this. Video of the commercial, as well as tonight's Dugout, are after the jump.
My colleague Eamonn already told you about how Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson filmed a couple of scenes of the upcoming movie Marley & Me at the Padres/Marlins game over the weekend, but just in case you're one of those seeing-is-believing folks, we now have proof courtesy of Bugs & Cranks. So enjoy. And work on those trust issues.
It's been quite a while since a great, or even memorable, baseball movie has arrived on the scene. I suppose mileage varies on these kinds of question but the last one that sticks out for me was 61* (I've tried to eliminate all memories of the excerable Fever Pitch), which wasn't great but was at least evocative of a particular time in baseball history. I briefly thought that There Will Be Blood would cover the 2004 ALCS but, alas, it turned out to be a milkshake of a different color.
It would seem that Tom Hanks has also noticed the lack of diamonds on celluloid. In an interview in Tokyo, Hanks said that he thought the life of Daisuke Matsuzaka would make a fine film.
"An interesting movie, I think -- one I'd want to see, if they made it -- would be the story of Dice-K. That movie would have conflict and cultural clashes and superb sports skills and sportsmanship. It would really be something in the right filmmaker's hands."
While I'd love to see a good baseball movie, I'm not sure Dice-K's story is the right one. Blessed from birth, seemingly, with a potent right arm, he dominates his way through the Japanese league before jumping to the United States for a ton of money and wins the World Series in his first season. Oh, and he does it after a multitude of other Japanese players who have made the cultural clashes something less than overwhelming.
Major League Baseball has made intelligent, progressive decisions in the past (night games, racial integration, not ever letting Pete Rose do anything ever). The decisions to name Gatorade the official sports drink of Major League Baseball and to allow no player in the dugout (or The Dugout) to be seen drinking anything BUT Gatorade are perhaps baseball's greatest. Sugar water that tastes like Kool-Aid if you put too much water in it is sure to enhance the natural performance of a guy like Da Meat Hook.
What's next? Today's Dugout looks into the not-so-distant future to see where baseball refreshment is headed. Spoiler alert: It is headed to somewhere where they'd let Dmitri and Delmon Young be in commercials for children. After the jump, a commercial full of stars using words full of stars!
When Jim Thome finally retires, The Dugout (if we're still doing it by then, hopefully getting paid 20 grand a Dugout by Time Magazine) will surely give him an emotionally poignant farewell. When Kyle Farnsworth is sent down to the minors in a couple of years for being bad at baseball we will follow him down and eventually to his grave, but he will get what he deserves from us for being so damned entertaining.
It's those secondary characters that worry me. Like, what am I supposed to do when Brandon Duckworth retires? I got my first taste of that this week when Jose Lima was unceremoniously dropped by the Kia Tigers after winning no games, giving up 280 home runs, and accidentally flooding entire sections of South Korea by goofing off when he was supposed to be watching the damn.
How do you celebrate the loss of a legend? By throwing him into a movie about Korea, because honestly, does he deserve more? Jose Lima says goodbye (and probably "bap") after the jump.
Hey website, thanks a lot for making me watch a video where Jessica Canseco describes her ex-husband's genitalia in great detail. Maybe next you could do a feature about those creeps that use dogs as shark bait and interview the kid who punched me on the bus when I was in 5th grade.
Regardless, this affords me the opportunity to bring Ryan Seacrest and his awesome screen name into Dugout G2 continuity. Oddly enough, Seacrest has appeared in both the old Dugout and our iVoice feature for the Village Voice. If Eli Manning had dated Amy Winehouse or sang incompetently we could've worked Ryno into Football Guys.
The first official Dugout of the 2008 baseball season is coming at you after the jump. It may or may not actually have anything to do with baseball whatsoever.
It's not a big secret that Billy Crystal is a Yankee fan. He directed 61* and City Slickers features a long speech devoted to the majestic moment when you walk into Yankee Stadium for the first time. The team has decided to pay him back for that longtime support during their game with the Pittsburgh Pirates on Thursday, one day before his 60th birthday.
He'll be throwing out the first pitch? Singing the National Anthem? Doing five minutes of his Muhammed Ali impersonation? No, no and no. Crystal will sign a one-day minor league contract, wear #60 and be eligible to play in the game.
"I've been waiting 50 years for this call," Crystal said. "I'm overwhelmed by the generosity of the Yankees and commissioner Selig. I know this'll be tougher than the Broadway Softball League, but I'm looking forward to helping the younger players, which by the way is all of them. Oops, I have to go, Scott Boras is on the phone."
What purpose this serves is beyond me. It does remind the Pirates that absolutely nobody in baseball takes them seriously, I guess. Crystal turning 60, is about four and a half feet tall and not exactly known for his athletic abilities, but, hey, it's only the Pirates.
I'm not really sure I get the Yankees these days. Running over a catcher blocking the plate during a game is poor sportsmanship but letting the guy from Forget Paris play is kosher? Which really damages the integrity of baseball more?
This week, Major League Baseball decided to step up background checks for umpires. The union representing the umpires, the World Umpire Association (famous for such great matches as Kerry Von Erich vs. Umpires), has complied with the checks. But then!
The Biz of Baseballreported that the WUA issued a press release concerning questions being asked during the league's investigations. Among the standard questions to the neighbors (what do you think of barry bonds, how many years of prison should barry bonds get, et al.) was this: do you know if the umpire is a member of the Ku Klux Klan?
hahaha whaaaat
The Dugout asks the serious questions about the Neo Nazi skinheads at Citizens Bank Park, after the jump.
It didn't take Joe Torre long for the job offers to come piling in: according to Newsday, Fox tried to get the former Yankees manager to join Joe Buck and Tim McCarver in the booth for the World Series. He declined the offer, which is unfortunate -- having Torre around would have likely made the announcing crew enjoyable instead of simply bearable. For what it's worth, the network is expected to ramp up their efforts to sign him to join their booth in 2008, assuming he's not already in a dugout somewhere.
Despite being three and a half games ahead of the competition in the American League West, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have a big problem - their players keep getting hurt, and nobody knows why. Vlad Guerrero and Scot Shields are getting check out for health issues and Chone Figgins has a hamstring made out of velcro. In unrelated stories, Kendry Morales was gored to death in a bullfight and Jose Arredondo had a bomb stuffed in his mouth, was blown up from the inside, and tumbled into a pit of lava where he was then burned to death.
Anyone who has watched a local 
It's been quite a while since a great, or even memorable, baseball movie has arrived on the scene. I suppose mileage varies on these kinds of question but the last one that sticks out for me was 61* (I've tried to eliminate all memories of the excerable Fever Pitch), which wasn't great but was at least evocative of a particular time in baseball history. I briefly thought that There Will Be Blood would cover the 2004 ALCS but, alas, it turned out to be a milkshake of a different color. 
Major League Baseball has made intelligent, progressive decisions in the past (night games, racial integration, not ever letting Pete Rose do anything ever). 
Hahaha, nice package, Jose.
Hey website, thanks a lot for making me watch a video where Jessica Canseco describes her ex-husband's genitalia in great detail. Maybe next you could do a feature about those creeps that use dogs as shark bait and interview the kid who punched me on the bus when I was in 5th grade.
It's not a big secret that 
This week, Major League Baseball decided to step up background checks for umpires. The union representing the umpires, the World Umpire Association (famous for such great matches as Kerry Von Erich vs. Umpires), has complied with the checks. But then!
