It's true, it's true: The Florida Marlins, long the victims of bad baseball (except when they win the World Series) and even worse stadium accomodations, do not provide a draw to fans in beautiful Miami, Florida. But rarely are the fans so noticeably absent as they were last night. From the Orlando Sun-Sentinel:

That's what reliever Joe Nelson and two other Marlins' players, whose identities he loyally protected, did before the opening pitch of Florida's 5-3 win against the Atlanta Braves. Each picked a section of Dolphin Stadium and scanned for fans. Nelson guessed 418. The official count came up with 584 fans, five fewer than the media accounted for.

"You guys might have had a better view," Nelson said, referring to the smallest crowd at Dolphin Stadium since 375 came out last Sept. 13. "We had a few friendly jokes about how many people would be here. It was actually higher than I anticipated."

584 fans. Terrible. Sarah Palin had more family members in the XCel Center last night, though, granted, some of them were unpaid. (Politcal humor!)

Beyond the park and the baseball, though, I suppose I can see why baseball fans don't necessarily dedicate themselves to nine innings at the ol' ballfarm. The fact that Miami Beach is so very close nearby would be my first. In the north, baseball is a celebration of the fact that you can merely sit outdoors for more than three minutes. In Miami, the distinctions aren't quite the same.

If there's one thing I've learned from watching political coverage this year, it's that if you don't like something, you should turn it off. Sure, it might make you a less informed citizen, but it also won't turn you into a raving lunatic who wants to tear his eyeballs out because DICK MORRIS OH MY GOD I HATE YOU. Like I said: turning things off is important.

So it goes with the Cubs. If Carlos Zambrano's apparent injury shenanigans keep up, and the Cubs keep losing, even more fans are going to be driven to the brink of insanity. Just like the gentleman pictured above.

See what you're doing, Carlos? Slam poetry and motorcross, man. Slam poetry and motorcross.

(HT: BLS)

From The Windup is FanHouse's daily, extended look at a particular portion of America's pastime.

Though it shouldn't be, as Brinson told us yesterday, the NL Cy Young race is likely a closed deal as things currently stand -- unless Brandon Webb keeps laying eggs. The Rookie of the Year race won't even be a contest with Geovany Soto running away with it. The MVP, however, is wide open.

In order to make sure we leave no stone unturned, let's examine the criteria. First of all, there are two predominant methods taken when people want to argue about MVP.

1. Bloggy/Spreadsheet Guy Who Never Played Baseball Method: Look at VORP. Whoever has the highest VORP should be the MVP, because the game of baseball isn't played on a field with human beings. It's played on a computer spreadsheet with robots that don't feel emotion or pressure.

2. Old, Stubborn Writer Guy Method: Check out the Triple Crown numbers for the everyday players on contending teams. If you have a 1.500 OPS and 200 steals and play Andruw Jones (circa 2003) defense on a last place team, you just don't count. You can't possibly be valuable to a team unless said team is good.

Did you ever think you'd see that headline? Well, it's true. The Tampa Bay Rays are the hottest ticket in town. I don't really have any hard evidence other than a small sample size, but I'm willing to bet that this small sample size is indicative of what's going on all around the city:

Last Friday, Burtch, a 29-year-old who lives in Port Charlotte, posted the following on a Rays message board:

Would like to swap 2 tix to the bucs vs falcons game for 2 lowers level seats to either the 9-4 game against the yankees or 9-15 game against the red sox. My bucs seats are 35 yard line Row N ($85 face value).

"Well, first off, the Bucs game isn't a great game because it's against the Falcons," Burtch said. "And it's early September so you know it's going to be hot. ... Still, I'm really into the Rays and thought this was a good way to get good Rays tickets." (...)

"I thought since it was such a bargain that my phone would be ringing off the hook, but so far, nothing," Burtch said. "Maybe people would rather go to the Rays games."

Burtch is probably going about it all wrong ... he may never get Rays fans on a Rays message board to give up their Rays tickets at this point. On the other hand, if he goes on a Yankees message board, I'm sure there are plenty of them that have tickets that would be willing to trade the way they're going right now.

Any number of things could have started it. "Don't you dare say that 'bout my pappy!" "No one needs a no-hitter for the Hall of Fame!" "Steroids were legal in the 80's!" Or maybe Koby Clemens is just a bit of a steakhead.


I would imagine, though, that being Roger Clemens' son probably had something to do with being involved in a bar fight in Salem, Va., this weekend.

Clemens and Ori were charged with disorderly conduct and Goethals with assault and battery. All three were taken to the Roanoke County-Salem Jail before being released on bond, according to a news release from the Salem police.

[...] According to the news release, police were dispatched to a disturbance in the restaurant's parking lot at 2 a.m. on Sunday and, upon their arrival, found approximately 50 people in the lot.

The release does not describe any of the events leading to the arrests. It states only that Clemens and Ori were arrested on the scene and that Goethals was charged "after an employee of the restaurant obtained a warrant for his arrest" from the Roanoke County/Salem magistrate's office.

Naturally, no one is commenting. But it's odd that Clemens didn't have anything to do with the actual disorderly charge, since it seems pretty likely that he would have been one of the ones throwing down. Especially considering the Times note that he's been "catching catcalls from fans and media as his father contends with allegations of cheating on his wife, Debbie, and using performance-enhancing drugs during his baseball career."

Considering there's a 90% chance that the fight stemmed from someone verbally assaulting Koby, I'll be interested to hear what Roger has to say about this. And pretty surprised if this is the last time something like this happens.

Via SbB

The stupid thing about the MVP race is that half of it involves perception. Is his team good regardless of how he performed as an individual? Is he a clutch player based on stuff we think we've seen but might not actually know? Is he the type of baseball player worthy of the honor of being selected by us sportswriter types as the best in the game? Is he tall? Is he handsome? Etc, etc.

These ridiculous perceptions are probably why -- despite what the fans think -- Dustin Pedroia will not win the MVP this season. Don't believe me? Just ask Ozzie Guillen, who called the smallish in stature second baseman a "g*dd*mn jockey".

''I never thought I was going to walk a goddamn jockey,'' Guillen said of the 5-7 Pedroia, a player he actually admires. ''Walking a guy who just came from being on top of Big Brown. Right now, he's on a roll. This guy right now is on fire. No matter what you throw up there, he's going to get it. I can't believe you can change professions in one year, go from the Kentucky Derby to the Boston Red Sox ballpark.''

Pedroia has reached base in 10 consecutive plate appearances and became the first Red Sox player with four hits or more in consecutive games since Wade Boggs did it in June 1989.

When he stepped to the plate in the eighth inning, Pedroia was met with cheers of ''MVP, MVP.''

Now, in fairness to Ozzie, he then proceeded to discuss the fact that Pedroia was the heart and soul of Boston's team right now.

Nothing escapes YouTube! That's Jose Guillen getting into it with the fans at a Royals game earlier this week (via Hot Clicks). I read about the "incident" earlier this week and wondered just how bad it was. The audio in this video isn't that great, but I didn't hear any profanity or anybody talking about Guillen's family, which is what he told reporters after the game. No, it was just a lot of people booing Guillen, with some laughter mixed in the more upset he got.

Mind you, this happened at Kauffman Stadium, so these were ostensibly Royals fans. There was a lot of booing coming from that section, it's not like it was coming from just one heckler.

All in all, it sounds like the fans and the players are getting a little sick of each other, especially after hearing Miguel Olivo's response when asked about his future plans. From Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star:

"It's only, what, (29) more games?" he said. "I'm going to do my best during that and that's it." [...] He and the team hold mutual options for next year, and Olivo said there's no way he'll return. "Hell no," he said.

Being 21 games under .500 will do that to you, I guess.

On Thursday night, a Chase Utley base hit fell safely into left field, in front of Alfonso Soriano. I was livid. No, not at Soriano. I was livid because I could hear a smattering of boos through my television speakers. I mean, what? I thought we were over this crap from earlier in the season.

Then, Friday in the Chicago Tribune I see this headline: "Soriano gets defensive about his fielding." I figured he must have gone off on the fans about booing, so I was excited. Instead, here is Soriano getting "defensive."

"Those [last] two were mistakes I made by myself, no lights or anything," he said. "I just took my eyes off the ball too quickly.

"I feel very comfortable in left field," he said. "I just made a couple of mistakes, I know. But it's not like I don't feel comfortable."

Man, I don't know how he didn't scare everyone in the press room away from him. How defensive! Look, I understand the cool-writer thing with a play on words in the title (ooh, we are talking about his defense and he's defending himself -- sort of -- that's gold!), but all this does is add fuel to the fire for the buffoons that take to booing him in left field.

What do you want him to say? He was accountable, and explained that he feels comfortable. You can't boo him for that.

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This could have been a much worse accident than it was, as the above shows a kid falling over the railing at Citizens Bank Park on going after a batting practice drive during the Mets series.

Gotta say this kid showed some guts trying to walk it off. I can safely say if it was me I would have stayed still and cried like a baby. This kid obviously comes from the school of "rub some dirt on it and suck it up." Good job.

Arm Bash: The World of Issac

If I ever have to go to prison, I don't want it to be for a hateful and/or creepy crime. If that makes any sense. Like tax evasion or something would be fine. But writing hateful letters to a group of celebrities belonging to a particular race? Well, that just seems like the type of thing that would make other people angry.

I suppose we'll find out after David Tuason starts serving the three years and 10 months in prison he received for sending hateful letters to prominent citizens.

David Tuason apologized for his behavior in federal court Tuesday, saying he never meant to hurt anybody. He said he sent the threatening letters because a black man "stole" the girlfriend he planned to marry.

Tuason had faced up to 10 years in prison. He pleaded guilty in May to six counts of mailing threatening communications and two counts of threatening interstate communications.

As LB said, "Dude, get a life." (And I also agree that Ana Ivanovic is an entirely different ballgame as well.) Some of the celebs that Tuason sent letters to include the aforementioned Derek Jeter and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

So to recap: this creepy guy got spurned and he immediately decided to anger as many public figures in as an aggressive a manner as he could possibly pull off. Because, after all, our country isn't sensitive to racism at all. So this should end up working out really well for him in the long run.